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Dirty Little Secret	By : crymsonpassion Category: Final Fantasy VIII > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 834 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
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Dirty Little Secret: Chapter Five
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Don�t own them, never will. Unless
Square wants to share�.Please?
PS. This is Yaoi. If you
don�t like it, don�t read it!
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~-Hit the Lights
And I�ll Come Crawling
Through Your Window, Tonight
Come On And Send The Sign
I�ll Be Your Dirty Little Secret
And You�ll Be Mine-~
Bon Jovi, �Dirty Little
Secret�
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If there is one thing that I hate more
than being back at lovely Balamb-G, its mornings.
And Administration Personal are the worst. Why do they
always hire the most fucking cheerful people to do those jobs? It seems that my
day can�t really get much worse. I�ve been assigned to do a week long
investigation mission at the Centra Ruins starting in
two weeks. Yippee. I can hardly contain myself. Honestly. And if you believe
that, you should be fed to the tonberries. And to top
off this wonderful mission that I was assigned, I get to spend the next two
weeks training with the other recent SeeD graduates.
I hope they realized that I have sparred with their precious High Commander for
years and have never lost. I will not hold back on some greenhorns.

I make my way down the bustling corridor, SeeDs and Cadets alike finding out
their orders for the day, knowing that in the next couple of months, days or
hours, they may be dead.

And why again does this appeal to me?

Knocked out of my reverie by the chime of the elevator doors
closing, I curse myself for getting lost in my thoughts again. Hyne, I�m beginning to act a little too Squall like.

�Fuckin� Hyne! Hey, hold the door, will ya?�
I call out, hoping that whoever is in the elevator
will have some heart as to not make me wait for it to go all the way to the
bottom before coming back up. Even though it only takes about five minutes, if
that. What can I say? I�m a lazy slacker with absolutely no patients. So sue
me.

Much to my relief, I see a gloved hand slip between the closing
doors, causing them to open for me. I run into the elevator only to see a
single person in there, and just my luck, it�s the last person I want to be
alone with.

�Ah, Thanks.� I mutter before walking directly to the back
of the elevator. I don�t get a reply, and that doesn�t surprise me in the least
bit. �I�m heading to the dorms.�

Without a word, he presses the button for the first floor
and stares at the door. As if staring at the polished metal is going to make it
go any faster. The elevator jerks to life, and I am glad for once that there
are no stairs going up to the third floor. Riding the elevator gives me a prime
opportunity to stare at that leather clad ass. Hey, just because he says he
doesn�t want me, acts like he doesn�t want me, and pretends that he doesn�t
want me, doesn�t give me a reason to stop staring at his ass.

The elevator jumps again, coming to a halt. Great. Just what I need is some junior cadet joining in on
this oh so cheerful ride. But oddly enough, the doors don�t open. We wait in
silence for the doors to open, but after a few minutes, waiting seems to be in
vain.

�The fuck? What gives?� I ask,
knowing that my chances of getting a response are slim to nil, if the odds are
in my favour.

He walks up to the pane and starts pressing the door open
button repeatedly. When that doesn�t work, he moves to the phone button,
emergency button, then all the floor buttons. And just our luck, none of them
work. He opens a panel and begins to punch in some random numbers, or a code, but
once again, his efforts yield no response. Giving the controls a final glare,
the brunet walks over to the escape hatch and begins to pound at it.

Content in leaving him to his ministrations, I start to look
around the small box, in hopes of finding out why we have so suddenly stopped.

�Um, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think that
we are stuck.� I casually point to the normally illuminated display panel,
noting that none of the numbers are lit up. This earns me a glare before he
returns to trying to move the hatch cover. I roll my eyes at his frivolous
attempts, and make my move to open the door. I tighten my gloves before
grasping the metallic seam loosely. With a deep breath, I use all my strength
to pry the doors apart. Bracing my foot against the frame does little as the
doors don�t budge. Of all the stinking, rotten luck.
Now I mean business. Taking another deep breath, I focus everything into
opening the doors. Nothing happens for a few moments until I feel the door
finally start to give way. But start is all I can manage. I begin to shake as I
feel the strength leave my arms, before they drop and I try to regain control
of my breathing. After a minute, I look up to see my progress.

�Fucking Hyne!
Today just is not my fucking day!� I curse, seeing the doors open barely a
couple of inches. I feel a slight breeze coming through the crack, a bit
relieved that we will have a little air circulation in the elevator, depending
on how long we are stuck here for. I hear a single puff of air come from the
other passenger that is used to signify laughter. �And just what the fuck is so
funny? You�re stuck in this elevator as much as I am.� I growl.

�Whatever.� He replies with a roll of his eyes and he turns
back to trying to get the escape hatch open.

Sliding down to the floor, I look through the small gap I
created. Machinery runs the entire length of the opening. �Lovely. We�re stuck
completely between floors.� Not even a shred of light enters the elevator which
means that there is no way to see if there is any help around. �How�s that trap
door coming along?� Without looking, I can tell that there is still no advance
in his progress. The shallow breathing and barely-audible grunts are enough to
tell me that. �Might as well give up, Leonheart.
We�re stuck here until either someone figures out that we are stuck in here, or
someone needs the elevator. Who knows how long that will be?� I groan, tipping
my head back. As if my day could get any worse. First Centra, then this? What else, an earthquake?

And almost as if on cue, there is a whirling noise and the
lights die. Fucking Hyne, I have got to stop thinking
things like that. It seems to be bad for my self control.

�Who hit the lights?� I growl at no one in particular,
pissed off enough to take on an entire heard of T-Rexaurs
single handed. A pale green light illuminates the small space, confirming my
worst fears.

The fucking power has gone out.

�Dammit. I hear Squall�s soft
voice some from the direction of the trap door. And with that, I watch him
stand up, take the two steps available to him, before
sitting down against the wall opposite me. He refrains from making eye contact
with me, meaning that he is extremely uncomfortable in here with me. Heh, and if he knew what I was thinking, he�d be even more
uncomfortable. But that�s for another time. So, instead, I�ll let us sit in
complete silence.

And that lasts for all of five, maybe ten minutes.

�So why�d you give up on that door?� I ask, unable to bare
the quietness. Hyne, did I ever pick the wrong guy to
get trapped in an elevator with.

�It has an electric sliding mechanism. If there�s no power,
it won�t slide.� In true Squall fashion, his explanation is short and straight
to the point.�

�Well, fuck. I guess that means we�re stuck in here together
until someone realizes that we are here then.� I smirk, just to see what type
of reaction I can get out of the brunet. I don�t have to wait long. He finally
lifts his head to look at me, our eyes ultimately meeting in the harsh
lighting. And I am treated to one of the iciest of the iciest Leonheart glares to ever grace Squall�s eyes. And that is
saying something.

�Can it, Almasy. If you are
referring to last night, it was a mistake.� He glares daggers at me.

A mistake? �Hold the reins right
there. A mistake? First of all, you make it sound like
I initiated it. If my memory serves me correctly, I believe that you were the
one who jumped me. And second, you obviously were enjoying yourself for a
little while. Don�t try to play me up as the bad guy, Squall.� I growl at him,
contemptuously.

�Whatever�� is the only response I get.

�Don�t whatever me, Squall. Listen, I�m sorry you got too
attached in our little relationship before. But I was only there for the fuck.
Don�t try to convince yourself that is was any more than that. If you want the
flowers, dates, chocolates thing, stick with Dumbass.�
I can�t believe that last night I was almost desperate to have a relationship
with the cold bastard.

�Don�t talk about things that you know nothing about.� The
glare is becoming more intense by the second, the tension in the four foot
distance between us easily felt.

�Oh, isn�t everything with Dante all roses and bubble baths?
Or is it that your ass has become too tight from his little dickie
that you need a good fuck from a real man?� I can�t help but provoke him, my tongue is on pure asshole overdrive. My brain
wandered off to the world unknown a long time ago. I wish it would learn to
regulate what my tongue flaps out before I lose this guy forever.

I see a slight flinch in his shoulders, barely noticeable in
the pale light under the large leather jacket that he wears. I mentally yell at
myself to shut the fuck up, but for some reason my mouth just keeps going with
out stopping.

�Oh, it isn�t all peachy, is it? What,
can�t get it up for him? Aren�t you his only little bitch? What is it, Squall?
Tell me if I�m getting warm here. Cause to me, it sounds like you were doing so
much better with me.�� The malice
literally drips off my words. Surely Galbadia has a
big enough rock that I can go crawl under and die after we get out of this
fucking elevator. Why does everything happen when I�m in a confined place with
him during a power outage?

�I said, shut up!� Squall returns with a glare.

�Not until you answer my question.� I spit back. �We�ve
evidently got some fucking time to waste. Just let me know when I start to get
close.� Needing to feel in control of the situation, I rise from my seated
position, to glare at him from above. I�m met almost immediately with him
joining me on his feet.

�Stay the fuck out of my life. You are no longer part of
it.� The glare increases ten fold, but Squall�s entire exterior is calm and
collected. So like him, and that make me that much more pissed off. Not wanting
to show submission, I continue.
�Oh, so that means you don�t want me to come crawling
through your window tonight then.� I pout a little, just for effect. And the
next thing I know, I see a fist come flying towards my face. My reflexes still
sharp from staying on the run, I catch the punch before it hits its intended
target of my nose.

Squall�s face is blank, but those stormy eyes are afire with
rage. It�s time like this that I wish I could look into his mind and find out
exactly what he is thinking. I can see his shoulders rising and falling
rapidly, and his heavy breathing betrays his calm exterior. With his wrist
still clutched in my hand, I stare at him in silence,
only the sound of our breathing is able to be heard. When Squall doesn�t try to
wrestle his arm free, I know that he means business, and if I release his hand,
it will probably resume its former course.

Not seeing how this will get us anywhere, I take a deep
breath and loosen my grip. Not enough to have him wrench his arm free, but
enough that I won�t break it with a single move. I sigh and rub my eyes with my
free hand, trying to think of the best possible course of action.

�Squall, listen. We�re too old to be exchanging blows over
my stupidity.� I tell him, releasing his arm, ready to catch it the moment it
starts to fly at me again. �We�re going to be stuck here for a little while it
seems. Let�s try to be a bit more reasonable here.�

�Reasonable? You want to be reasonable, Almasy?
Then let me show you how reasonable you�ve been to me over the last year.� With
that, he turns around and makes his way to the other side of the small box,
sitting down, in turn ignoring me completely.

�Fuck, all I want to do here is talk to you, Squall.� I
growl, pissed off at the self absorbed prick that is sitting less then an arms
length away from me. But he may as well be a million miles away now that he is
in one of those moods. I didn�t like it then, and I sure as hell like it even
less now. Hyne dammit. I lean my forehead
against the cold steel of the door, hoping that the metal will help me think a
little more clearly. Taking a deep breath, I mentally prepare what I am going
to say to him. There�s no doubt in my mind now that the little bastard still
holds some sort of feelings towards me, other then contempt. Why else would he
have said that stuff about being reasonable? And if he truly hated me and did
not want me around, why would he have readmitted me to the Garden against the
wishes off all of his friends? The only question that still remains is how
deeply do the feelings still run? Does he want a relationship or just a fuck
buddy again? Hyne, what I wouldn�t give to be able to
get inside that head of his. For just a few moments, to see what he is thinking, to know exactly how he feels.

Letting out a deep sigh, I sit down beside him, without as
much as a twitch of an eyebrow of acknowledgement from him.�

�Squall, listen, I fucked up. But you already know that.
I�ve fucked up beyond all redemption. I fucked up at Garden, I fucked up being
a so called witch�s lap dog, and I fucked up at life in general. And as cheesy
as it sounds, I fucked up on us. I saw what we had as a chance to release some
of the hormones that I developed, or as one more place to be able to dominate
you. Obviously, you thought of it as something more. I didn�t realize just how
much you had become attached to me. Because the whole time, I was trying to
undo how much I had become attached to you, Squall.� I rub my leather clad hand
through my short blond hair, my thoughts becoming a steaming pile of shit in my
head all of a sudden. �I had thought of a million things to say to you if the
chance ever arose, but I can�t remember any of them. All I want to know though
is your thoughts on us.� Clasping my hands in front of me, I don�t look over at
him, the glare I feel upon my shoulder enough to tell me that he is looking at
me with only pure rage.

�Us?� is his only response, and it is lace to the teeth with
malice.

�Yeah, us, Squall.� I growl. �Who the fuck else would I be
talking about. � I turn my head towards him, intent on glaring right back at
him, but I quickly turn back. I hear him let out a sigh, hopefully gathering
his thoughts.

�What do you want me to tell you, Seifer? That I�m madly in
love with you, that I won�t be able to live without
you by my side? Because I�m not going to. I�ve moved
on.�

I let out a sigh, knowing that this is not going to go the
way that I wanted.

�Then what about last night? You were the one who fuckin� jumped me last night, not the other way around. Let
me fucking know, or send me a sign or what ever! Just let me know if I have a
fucking chance with you, Squall.�

�A chance? A
fucking chance, Seifer?� Then the stoic man does something completely
unexpected. He starts to laugh. Not loudly, or maniacally, but shorts breaths
of air in rapid succession. �You want another fucking chance after admitting
that you took everything in a two year relationship for granted? You want me to
forget everything that you have done to hurt me, just like that? Or did you expect
me to just bend over and beg for you to ram your cock up my ass?�

�Just answer the question, Squall.�
I growl, trying to ignore the comments he�s making. Everything he is saying is
true, as much as it pains me to say so. I had almost expected him to welcome me
with open arms and forgiveness. But I am a fool. Always have been, probably
always will be. And Hyne knows that Squall is all too
familiar with that fact. Then in true Squall fashion, his mood does a complete
360.

�You want an answer, Seifer? Fine.�
His voice has returned to its famous monotonous level as his glare increases.
�I fucking miss what we had. I waited for you after the war. I sent out search
parties, and called off bounties on your head. And I didn�t even know if you
had made it out of time compression, let alone if you were alive.� He drops
back to the floor, as if that small admission had drained the rest of his
strength. But knowing Squall like I do, it just might
have. But I ma surprised at this information. He had bounties called off, not
even knowing if I was alive?

Holy mother fucking Hyne.
I have seriously screwed up.
�But you couldn�t wait forever.� I mumble, feeling guiltier
by the second. Fuck, by now I probably fucked up beyond all redemption.

�No, I couldn�t. Selphie and Irvine noticed all this, and took it upon
themselves to help me. So Selphie introduced me to Dante. He reminded me of
you, so I found comfort in him.� I slide down the wall beside the man I once
called lover. Refusing to meet my gaze again, the brunet looks at his folded
hands, for lack of more interesting objects to look at in this powerless
elevator. I however, enjoy the sight of a not so stoic Squall.

�I�m nothing like that fucking prick.� I growl, not at all
amused by Squall�s comparison of myself and Dumbass.�

�Older, dominating, bully. You two
are more alike than either of you will ever know. But, I digress. I couldn�t
wait forever, Seifer. So Dante and I got together. I learned that there was so
much more to life then pinning over an unrequited love. It took me a little
while, but I have moved on.� I know now that I am in the presence of my Squall.
Not the Squall that everyone else gets, but the Squall I had, when it was just
us alone, after sex. I shake my head to get rid of the visions of fucking Squall,
knowing that this is neither the time nor the place.

�So I am wasting my time. You�re happy with Dante. That
still doesn�t explain why you jumped me last night.�� I point out, still slightly confused. I look
over at the brunet lion, who is just looking at his
feet.

I sit in the silence, waiting for his response. If I can get
an answer out of him, it would put my thoughts to rest, provided that I accept
the answer, which I might not. We sit there for what seems like forever before
he makes any noise.

�Am I?� he whispers, and I�m not sure if it is to me, or to
himself. Why would he question something like that? The way he has been acting
over the last couple of days has been really odd. I close my eyes momentarily
and take a deep breath. Now, I have my conscience clawing to get out. Do I
convince Squall that he�ll only ever be happy with me, or do I let him find out
for himself? What if I choose the latter and find out that he is happy with
Dante? The silence overtakes us once more, myself
sitting there and collecting my thoughts, Squall sitting there, Hyne knows what going through that pretty little head of
his.� Time has almost come to a complete
stand still, and still there is no sound to indicate that any one has realized
yet that we were stuck in the elevator. Sitting in that silence, a thought hits
me with the force of a heard of chocobos on the run
from a behemoth. An idea that wouldn�t rack me with guilt or
push Squall into a relationship, or out of one that unfortunately might be the
right thing for him. But Hyne be damned if
Dante is the right thing for Squall. Just the thought of that bastard,
confirmed that I was doing the right thing.
�
�Squall�� I trail off, hoping that I wasn�t going to startle
him too much from his silent reverie. Without a sound, and with almost
deliberate slowness, the stormy-eyed man turned to me. �Listen,
ignore everything that has happened between us for the past year. Ignore, but
don�t forget it. Because shit happens that you can�t forget, but let�s put it
behind us.� I say, although it seems like the millionth time that either of us have said that phrase, or a variation of it over the past
couple of days. �For once, ignore everything else and everyone else. Think of
only yourself. Hyne knows that you fucking deserve to
be selfish once in your life. Do what you want to do, not what Dante wants you
to do, not what I want to you to do, not even what Chicken Wuss
wants you to do. Do what your heart wants you to do. Whatever
you choose, choose it for yourself.� I know that I am sounding corny as
fucking hell, but it just might work in my favour.

�What I want?� he whispers, and I let him sit in the silence
for a few moments, thinking over what I have just said.� But I don�t let it last too long.

�So, if you choose to go with Dante, I�ll forgive you. I
have been fucking awful towards you for far longer than necessary. And if you
have moved on, I�ll deal with it. It�ll hurt, that�s for damn sure, but I will
deal with it. And everything that has ever happened between us will be a
secret. No one will ever know that there was anything else between us other
than a heated rivalry.� I ignore the feel of Squall�s laser like gaze bearing
down on me. I continue to look only at the scuffed toe of my black boot, not
planning on speaking again until Squall does. And it will be up to him if the
words will come from a rival, or a lover. I plan to give him all the time he
needs to come to his decision. And hopefully this little speech of mine will
show him that I will care for him more than Dante ever could, and that not only
will I care about him, but also for his wellbeing and his sanity. It is a death
like silence, and it was fucking freaking me out. As much as I was hoping for
the answer I want to hear, I also somewhat expected a punch. I would offer no
resistance, and allow the strike to land.

I was completely taken by surprise when no hurtful words or
flying fists came my way when he finally spoke up. As far as I could tell,
there were only words of truth.

�I want to be happy. With choices that I
have made.� He still speaks in hushed tones, as I turn to look carefully
at him. Although his face is still blank, his brow is no longer knitted
together with thought and frustration. It�s then that I realize that he has
already made his decision, and he might just share it with me. I look at him,
taking in every detail, every line, every angle of his face, hoping that his
choice would not disappoint me. Squall looks up at me, our eyes locked in a
gaze, sending me into a trance like state where all I could see was Squall.

We were so intent in our gaze, that I didn�t even notice
that Squall was slowly moving towards me. And it all climaxed as his lips
touched mine with the gentleness of a feather. It was nothing like the one the
previous night. That one had been fuelled by rage and passion, while this one
was driven only by Squall. It was a very chaste kiss, and I allowed it only to
go where Squall wanted to take it, and it seemed that this was as far as it
would get. No raw passion, no frantic need for sex. Just a light kiss that may
have lasted for mere seconds, but felt like the bright sunshine that was
eternity.

�Seifer?� Squall questioned,
breaking the kiss and looking at me straight in the eyes.
�You said that you�d be my dirty little secret�� the brunet
at my side didn�t move closer, but also didn�t scurry away like I half expected
him too. This was a huge step in my favour, although it didn�t seem like that
much.

�Of course.� I reply quickly.

�Can you keep it for a couple days, just while I straighten
out everything that is running around in my head?�� His question was sincere, and as if it had
been a sign from the great Hyne above, the lights
came back on in a blinding flash and the elevator jumped to life.

I stand up, and extend a hand to help the brunet up, which
he gratefully accepts.

�No problem, I�ll be your secret. And you�ll be mine.� I
grin, meaning the phrase in more than one way. Things were finally starting to
look a lot better.
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Dirty Little Secret