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Arcane Crisis	By : Chemotaxis Category: Final Fantasy VIII > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 928 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or any of the characters in this story, nor do I profit from writing this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
Chapter 5
With his back against the wooden wall, the fighter sat slumped on the worn bed. The room was dark, only a small light on a bedside table casting the room in an blueish hue. Sometimes the light would flicker, drawing the brunet's attention away from the map laid out in his lap. Energy was sparse in this region. He was about two thirds of the way through mapping out the draw points of Trabia. Another couple of weeks and he would be done. The weather had been harsh recently and he felt like wherever he went he couldn't get warm. Staying in cheap hotels where the owners couldn't afford to heat up the water obviously didn't help, but Squall refused to spend ridiculous amounts of gil on something as fleeting as bodily indulgence.
Working on planning his route for the next day, the brunet's thoughts strayed to the coming weekend instead. He would be going to Trabia Garden. He would only be staying there for two nights, but the thought of being bound by social responsibilities gnawed at him. Quistis would be meeting him there so they could spend some time together whilst visiting Irvine and Selphie. It had been a long time since he had seen them. Sometimes he would talk to Selphie on the phone, well, mostly she would be talking and he would say the occasional word. It wasn't that he disliked them. Gossip and everyday mundanities just didn't excite him in the least. Pleasantries almost made him gag. But he did care for Selphie and Irvine, just in his own way. During the war they had grown on him, become a part of his life and he experienced a particular kind of gratification from knowing they were doing well and were happy.
The same held true for Quistis. Out of the people he'd become used to the presence of, she was the one he cared for the most. Rinoa had been more like aversion therapy. He had come to associate her presence with discomfort. She always made him feel like he didn't belong, that something was wrong with him. At first he had thought she was right and had tried to change himself, but it had only caused him grief and left him distressed. She pointed out all his shortcomings; things that he hadn't really considered wrong and later learnt was something so integral to him that he could never change them. He wasn't antisocial because he was shy or insecure, he genuinely didn't want to waste his time on pleasantries and meaningless gossip. It was for those reasons the brunet was filled with mixed eagerness and dread at the upcoming social gathering. To say he was out of practice was an understatement. Almost half a year of traveling on his own left him at a severe disadvantage.
Storing away the map for the night, Squall prepared for bed. He hadn't heard from Seifer. Not that he had expected to. But he couldn't deny that he had hoped to. He would frequently be thinking back to the day they had sparred, it had been the best day in as long as he could remember. The only regret he had was that Seifer didn't have a blade that matched Lion Heart. Fighting against a truly skilled gunblader wielding a legendary weapon would surely be the most satisfying experience of all. Sometimes Squall would consider going back to visit the blond and offer him Lion Heart to fight with in exchange for a spar. Sometimes the mere thought would make him want to retch.
Checking his mobile once more, the brunet got under the duvet, teeth clattering from the cold surrounding him.
Entering the dark house, the blond threw the duffel bag he'd been carrying onto the floor before removing his soaked coat. The twenty minute walk from where he usually parked his SUV had been enough time for the rain to soak through every single layer of clothing. Wanting to get a fire going, Seifer headed straight for the fireplace, haphazardly dropping items of clothing on the way. Once the fire was lit he quickly went upstairs to grab a towel to dry himself off. Putting on comfortable clothes, he headed straight back down, his mind on the treasure lying in the bag he'd discarded earlier. Impatiently unzipping the wet bag, he reached inside before closing his fingers around the heavy object. Freeing the blade, the look of red tinted black metal pleased the blond immensely. Like the blade Squall had seemed to favor over the rest, this one had a special aura almost extinguishing the light surrounding it. Sitting down by the coffee table, Seifer decided to wait till morning with mounting the blade and laid it down in front of him.
Relaxing in the armchair, the blond mentally went through the last couple of days. Another mission had been completed successfully and once again he had found himself wandering the streets with a bag full of gil. Unable to use a bank account like any normal person, Seifer had months ago figured out an alternative way of accumulating his wealth; a way that appealed to him greatly. Each gunblade represented a well payed mission. It had become a ritual. When completing a mission he would hunt for a suitable blade before returning home. This time around the search had taken longer than usual. He had been pickier than usual. It had taken him three whole days before he had found the beauty now lying in front of him. Looking at the skillfully crafted blade, Seifer felt both proud and content.
Catching himself wondering what Squall would think of this latest addition, Seifer chuckled, somewhat amused with himself. Not many moments passed these days without his thoughts returning to the dark haired fighter. He'd gone from almost forgetting about the younger man's existence to becoming borderline obsessed. All because of the short visit. Letting a finger trace slowly along the cold blade, Seifer instead remembered his finger's path along the harsh curves of brunet.
Frowning, Seifer realized the futility of letting his mind play with such dangerous thoughts. He wouldn't complain if he could get a repeat performance. But however highly he rated the incident, he also cursed it and the crystal clear images that came with it. In the light of day Seifer felt ashamed by what he had forced the brunet to do. Pent up anger and frustration had gotten the better of him, but still he knew it was no excuse. And fuck, it seemed to have caused his mind to get stuck in a continuous loop, lewd thoughts cropping up constantly. Agitated, Seifer cursed out loud. Wanting to screw the brunet did not mesh well with the whole idea of self preservation. There was no way Squall would submit willingly. And there was no way Seifer was going to force the brunet again. Not that the blond entertained any grand illusions about being able to force the younger man to do anything, anyway. No, he would have to forget about his crazed urges if he were to attain the other thing his mind had been contemplating recently. A sparring partner. Maybe even friendship. Judging by the message Squall had left and by their last day spent together such thoughts didn't seem implausible. All Seifer had to do was make it happen.
More nervous than he would like to admit, i.e. nervous at all, Squall killed the engine of his bike. Stepping off, he removed his helmet whilst taking in the sight of Trabia Garden. It was a strange combination of new and old, brand new wings shooting up in the midst of the rubble that had been left in the wake of the war. The new parts were sophisticated, polished white marble glistening in the reflected sun of the snow. Hanging the helmet on the bike's handlebar, Squall looked back towards the path he had come from. He still couldn't decide if coming had been a mistake or not.
The sound of someone running towards him was quickly drowned out by excited yelling. "SQUALL!"
Jumping towards the SeeD Commander, the petite brunette linked her arms around the reluctant man mid air. Hesitantly returning the firm hug, Squall set Selphie back on the ground. Behind her Squall spotted Irvine gently tipping the brim of his cowboy hat in greeting.
"Wooo! You're here!" the girl exclaimed, barely containing her glee. Her face was one big smile as she held both of the Commander's arms in a tight grip, certain he'd disappear any moment. "You're really here!"
"Whoa Selphie, hold on now. Give the guy a chance to breathe," Irvine said walking closer. He couldn't help but smile himself as he came face to face with the somewhat flustered Commander. "Man, it's been, like, ages since we last saw you."
Hitting Squall playfully in the stomach, Selphie agreed. "Yes, you big meanie!"
Calming down, the petite girl's eyes became glossy. She had missed her friend a lot. Gingerly lifting a hand to play with Squall's hair she was lost in cataloging all the little changes. Noticing their friend's mounting uncomfortableness, Irvine cleared his throat.
Catching movement in the background, Squall looked beyond their gathering. Eyes landing on a stern blonde, Squall felt a sudden emptiness was over him. He felt bad for having stayed away for so long. Here was one person he had truly missed.
Leaning against a fence, Quistis stood regarding them. She had obviously been watching, most likely reluctant to interfere, knowing it had been far longer since Irvine and Selphie had last seen Squall.
Walking past Selphie and Irvine, Squall headed straight for the blonde. When he got nearer Quistis pushed herself away from the fence. She was keeping her emotions well veiled, her face giving nothing away. As soon as Squall was within range, he put his arms around her, unable to suppress the urge to hold her close. If there was one thing he had learnt during the war it was that sometimes even he needed a friend.
Looking over Squall's shoulder, Quistis took in the sight of a gleeful Selphie covering her mouth in surprise. Irvine seemed indifferent, just smiling at her as if he knew her and Squall had always had a special connection. Returning Squall's hug, Quistis was somewhat baffled. Squall was rarely affectionate in public. Squall was rarely affectionate, period.
"Squall?" she tried in question, her voice nearly breaking as she tried to speak his name.
Moving away from her as if nothing strange had just taken place, Squall looked back at Irvine and Selphie, happy to see them both. Selphie quickly moved to his side and snuck her hand under his arm, before leading him towards the garden entrance.
"Yay, we're all together!" she spoke, delighted. "I mean, most of us, anyway. Quistis got here just a few hours ago, so she's only just getting settled in as well."
Spotting the bag hanging off Squall's shoulders, she continued.
"Do you need to drop that off? I got you a guest room at the end of the SeeD wing. Number 304. Right next to Quistis' room. She's in 306. They're really great rooms, all sparkly and new. Not like the old crappy dusty pieces of --" Catching herself rambling on, once again spotting the bag hanging off Squall's shoulder, Selphie went back to her first train of thought. "Oh yeah! Did you want to drop that off?
Slightly amused by his friend's behaviour, Squall smiled faintly before shrugging, not caring either way.
"Like I said, it's right next to Quistis'" the petite brunette said, smiling, as she handed Squall a key card. "I'll show you."
Walking ahead with Quistis by her side, Selphie began chatting with the somewhat amused blonde. Eyeing up Squall, Irvine fell into step beside the younger man. "She's been really excited all week. Can't really blame her... it has been quite a while after all."
Nodding in affirmation, Squall was finding himself more at ease than he had imagined. Despite all the apprehension he had felt earlier, he now had a feeling the weekend was going to turn out okay.
"It really is great to see you, man," Irvine continued, his lips curling into a smile.
Finding himself returning the sentiment, Squall looked briefly at the tall cowboy, warm violet eyes meeting gaze. "You too."
"How's the mission going?"
"Fine, progress is slow but that was to be expected. My bike keeps breaking down because of the weather."
"Hmm... I'll have Zhang look at it, maybe he has some spare parts that can help you out."
"Thanks."
Reaching a junction, Squall was amazed at how busy the garden was. When they had visited the garden after the attack on it during the war there had been hardly any students around. Noticing the Commander's scowl aimed at a crowd of teenagers, Selphie couldn't help but smile fondly.
"It's Saturday. Not much for the students to do around here on weekends," she explained.
As if surprised she knew what he was thinking, Squall shifted his gaze to look at her and was met with a beaming smile.
Squall's eyes kept lingering on their surroundings as the others fell back into conversation. He couldn't believe how far they'd come with the restoration. The sleek white occasionally flowing into clear glass gave the place an almost ethereal feel. Esthar must've been forking out a lot of money for this.
Feeling expectant eyes on him, Squall noted that the others had come to a halt. Stopping as well, he spotted the number 304 on the door to his left. The guest room. Producing the key card, he slid it into the card reader and waited for the door to slide open. Walking inside, he quickly surveyed the room. Small, barren. Only a desk and a bed plus a door most likely leading to a bathroom. Perfect. Dropping his bag on the bed he headed back out.
"Y'know, I've been waiting for ages to show you everything that's changed here," Selphie said, bringing her hands together in glee. "The training center is awesome. I know you're gonna love it!"
Spotting Quistis' golden whip hanging off her belt and the tip of Exeter poking out over Irvine's shoulder, Squall couldn't help but be astonished by how well they all seemed to know him. Catching Quistis smiling softly at him, Squall turned around and went back into the guest room to pick up Lion Heart. The weekend was definitely looking up.
"BOOM!" Selphie shouted gleefully, as she landed a Firaga on the hexadragon.
When Quistis' whip cracked moments later, the monster sank to the floor, defeated.
"Whoo-hoo!" the tiny brunette cheered, jumping on the spot excitedly.
A pleased smile on her lips, Quistis agreed. "That was fun,"
"Oh man! Just like the old days," Irvine added, looking at the fallen monster as Squall agreed in silence with the barest of nods. The fight had presented him with only the barest of thrills, the four of them against a hexadragon not even close to a challenge. And when the students had found out what had been going on, they had soon gathered to look on. Squall hated an audience. He especially hated it when he felt the weight of all their eyes on him.
"Eeeee! Let's do another one," Selphie half shouted, oblivious to Squall's growing discomfort.
Knowing Squall better than anyone, Quistis spoke up. "How about dinner? I'm getting quite peckish."
"Oh yeah!" the petite brunette quickly agreed, seeming just as happy about the prospect of dinner as fighting another monster. "Me too."
"Sounds good," Irvine chimed in. Eager to get out of there, Squall agreed as well.
"Okay, so tonight I've persuaded Sara to make us something special, but tomorrow I've roped Irvine into cooking. He makes this super nice Galbadian dish. It's like fish with these weird herbs and root vegetables. De-li-ci-ous!" Only stopping briefly to regain her breath, the brunette continued on. "So I guess we'll head back to Irvy and mine's now."
Eyes landing on Squall, she looked somewhat disappointed. "Bummer, you still haven't seen the library or the refectory. Ooooooo, or the infirmary." Squinting her eyes in amusement, she couldn't help but tease her friend. "Although I'm sure you'll get acquainted with the infirmary soon enough."
"Not if hexadragons are the strongest monsters around here," Squall commented dryly.
"Well... there's this rumor-" the exuberant brunette began, but was quickly cut off by Quistis.
"Don't encourage him!" she said harshly, sending the younger girl a scolding glare. Catching Quistis' meaning, Irvine blanched. He had heard all about Squall's escalating 'games'. "Oh, man," he commented, not liking where the conversation was headed.
"What rumor?" Squall asked, interest piqued. There was no way Selphie wasn't going to tell him now.
Looking somewhat sheepish in Quistis' direction, Selphie knew she had made a mistake. Oh, bummer. She also knew Squall would love the story and found some comfort in that.
"Well, you see, there's been lots of stories floating around lately. Massive great big blue dragon carcasses have been found torn up, beaten to bloody pulps. No weapon marks or anything. From what people are saying an even bigger predator is on the prowl. Must be huuuuge. Some students even claim to have seen it, but no one has been able to describe it. Some say that it has special stealth abilities, that it vanishes immediately when they lay eyes on it. So quick that they don't manage to get a proper look. I reckon that's just them wanting attention though. Doesn't make any sense." Pausing in thought at the last statement, Selphie regained her breath. "There're also rumors about the forest northeast of here being more quiet now. The students are certain it's the new monster that has scared the other animals away. Or better yet, eaten them."
Quistis rolled her eyes, never one to believe the rumors. "If such a monster existed, how come no one has actually seen it properly yet? And don't give me that stealth crap."
"I dunno. But the students don't seem to venture out much anymore, not after the blue dragon carcasses started turning up."
"Aspiring SeeDs?" Squall inquired, incredulous.
"Yeah..." Selphie replied, somewhat reluctant, realizing what Squall was getting at.
"You're saying that the students here... students that are being trained to fight monsters... to defeat sorceresses, are too afraid to venture out of their school?"
Nodding, Selphie lowered her eyes to the floor. Squall rolled his eyes in return before looking at the the students still hanging around the training center in barely concealed disgust. He was certain that if it had happened at Balamb Garden back when he had been a student nothing would have been able to stop him from getting to the bottom of it. Unless, of course, Seifer had beat him to it. As it was, it was only out of politeness that he wasn't already out on the hunt. At the first opportunity he would be certain to pay the forest northeast of Trabia Garden a special visit.
"Riiiiiight, so... dinner?" the petite brunette asked, hopeful. Squall just nodded, unaware of the concerned look Quistis was sending his way.
"Let's head back," Irvine said softly, eyes meeting Quistis' in quiet understanding.
"So there we were, Melly screaming in the back and Irvy's knuckles white from holding onto his seat so hard," Selphie giggled as she spoke, gesturing wildly as she told the story. "It was awesome. I just went straight in there and landed right on the side of the mountain."
"Were they okay?" Quistis asked, curious.
"Yeah, Melly was able to sort them out real quick. Turns out it was just a couple of superficial wounds. They'd really called in the emergency because their vehicle had broken down and they didn't have any supplies to keep warm. They wouldn't have survived the night if we hadn't arrived." Only pausing for the briefest of moments, Selphie continued. "Anyone want some more noodles?"
"None for me, thanks," Quistis said looking over at Irvine and Squall who both just shook their heads.
"So if you want I'll take you guys for a ride tomorrow. Maybe we can catch sight of the big bad monster," the petite brunette suggested.
"Sure," Squall said, always enjoying the thin line between life and death he always experienced when flying with the girl. Ragnarok had never shown Selphie's full potential as it cushioned the girl's excited maneuvers, but anything less sophisticated and you got a ride that would put you right on the edge of your seat.
"Can I stay here?" Quistis asked, not sounding too keen.
"Of course not, silly! When we go BOOM on that monster you'd want to be there."
Feeling the familiar buzz of his mobile against his thigh, Squall tensed immediately. The only people that ever contacted him was in this room. Or Rinoa. But she'd called just the other day and they rarely spoke anymore. As the others continued talking, the brunet reluctantly reached for his mobile and flipped it open.
'I've got time. 763-1954-955.'

Unable to help a scowl from emerging at the unexpected message, the very badly timed message at that, Squall typed in his reply as inconspicuously as possible.
'I'm busy.'

Returning the phone to his pocket, Squall focused on catching up on the conversation whilst trying hard not to think about about the message he had just received. Feeling eyes on him, the brunet glanced in Quistis' direction. Sure enough, she seemed to be studying him intently.
Feeling another buzz against his thigh, Squall grimaced inwardly. He didn't want to deal with any questions from his friends. Curiosity winning out, Squall got out the phone once more.
'I'm not. Get your ass here.'

'Whatever,' he typed in reply, desperately wanting this to wait. At the same time he found it harder by the minute to suppress his excitement. He knew without a doubt that if he hadn't been here, bound by social responsibility, he would have been on his way towards Matrei already. Screw pride. Nothing compared to sparring with the blond.
Lost in thought, Squall didn't even manage to put away his mobile before the next message appeared.
'Eloquent as always.'
Why did Seifer have to have such bad timing?
As the factory setting ring tone filled the air, the brunet cursed himself for forgetting to turn his phone on silent. Everyone's eyes were now on him and apart from the phone ringing once more the room was silent. Slightly flushed, Squall excused himself and walked away from the table. In quick strides he made it out on the balcony, already shivering from the cold evening air.
"What?" he half hissed as he answered his phone.
"Where are you?" a gruff voice demanded. Seifer had remained patient for days, forcing himself not to contact the brunet. It was no coincidence he had decided this night to be the night to finally contact Squall. He knew Squall had made arrangements to see someone on the 20th and the blond was going to find out who that someone was.
Annoyed that the blond thought Squall would be indulging in any sort of chitchat, he let out a terse reply. "None of your business."
"Humor me."
"Why?"
For a minute neither said a word. Then a deep exhale was heard on the other end of the line. Seifer was obviously already vexed by Squall's behavior.
"Fuck Squall, I'm just trying to be friendly here."
Pondering the reply, Squall chose to relent. "Trabia Garden."
"Yeah? What you doing there?" the blond asked, sounding surprisingly eager to carry on what in Squall's mind seemed like a pointless conversation.
"Again, none of your business."
At the other end, Seifer was getting more and more irritated. Never fucking mind. The brunet was no more fun to talk to than a wall. What the hell was I thinking, anyway?
"So are you gonna come?" he tried, knowing that at least a spar with the brunet would be welcome.
Hesitant to give his reply, Squall stalled. He wanted it so much. So badly. But he couldn't.
"I can't," he replied, voice strained.
Seifer felt bile rise in the back of his throat. He didn't like anything being more important than himself. "And here I was thinking you were desperate for a spar. So desperate you'd sell your body for it. Thought I'd do you a favor by offering it for free."
"I can't leave," the brunet spoke, annoyed.
Picking up on the distress in Squall's voice, Seifer calmed somewhat. At least it wasn't for a lack of want on the brunet's side.
"Okay," Seifer finally said in understanding. "When can you be here?"
Relived that the blond had somehow picked up on what he was unable to express in words, Squall started thinking ahead. He couldn't blow off his friends. He hadn't seen them in ages. They would never forgive him. He could hardly go visit Seifer right after the stay here either as that would probably cause bright red flags to appear on Quistis' 'Squall's not working' monitor. "Two weeks time. When I've finished Trabia."
"Finished Trabia?" the blond asked somewhat amused. "Right about now would be a great time to start making sense."
"It's to do with my current mission. Visiting you was a detour."
"You don't say..." the blonde spoke. "So two weeks from now? I can do that. You better practice though, I don't plan on giving you an easy ride like last time."
Squall couldn't help himself from snorting at the smug comment. He had beaten the blond countless times when they had last sparred and somehow Seifer still seemed to consider himself the alpha male. Some things never change.
Thinking back on the day they'd spent fighting, it was with regret Squall remembered how overpowered Lion Heart made him. It had been entertaining fighting with the other blades, but the connection he felt with Lion Heart when challenged in battle was incomparable to anything else.
"Do you still prefer Ifrit?" Squall found himself asking, a vague plan beginning to form in the back of his mind.
"You know I never liked those parasites," Seifer replied in dismay.
Squall remembered. But he also remembered something else. "But you didn't stop using them. I watched you use magic."
Uncertain why Squall was going down this train of thought, Seifer replied, somewhat hesitant. "Bahamut."
Non elemental. Somehow Squall wasn't really surprised that the obstinate blond would chose the guardian force that by most was referred to as the king of guardian forces. "For how long?"
"Ever since I got him."
Having his answer, Squall remained quiet. Looking out at the moon, he became introspective. Even though he would never admit it to anyone, the brunet enjoyed the silent connection between them and was reluctant to end it. As the minutes passed it seemed the blond was hesitant as well until the line suddenly went dead, a soft click signalling the end of their conversation.
Not ready to head back inside, Squall leaned back against the railing, closing his eyes and focusing on the fresh cold air entering his lungs. A buzz jerked him out of his trance, his hand immediately flipping his mobile back open.
'Keep your scrawny ass safe, Leonhart. I want a proper challenge next time.'

A tiny smile graced pale lips as the brunet ran a hand through his hair and opened the door to head back inside. It vanished just as quickly as it had appeared when three pairs of curious eyes landed on him.
"Rinoa?" Quistis asked, always straight to the point.
Contemplating how best to get around it without outright lying to his friends, Squall decided to keep his answers as curt as possible. "No," he said, not offering any other explanation.
"Zell?"
"No," he repeated, sitting down at the table. "What were you talking about?"
"Quistis was telling us about about her latest conquest," Irvine supplied, eyeing Quistis in mirth, enjoying how she started squirming, obviously not comfortable with Squall hearing about it. Irvine thought it was only fair to turn the tables; Squall didn't deserve to always be the one on the spot.
'Who?" Squall asked, not really caring, but wanting more than anything to turn the attention away from himself.
"A Galbadian marksman," Irvine quipped, eyes dancing as Quistis' cheeks flushed. Gray-blue eyes focused on Irvine, then Quistis, silently demanding an explanation. Surely Selphie would not willingly share her fiance.
"He transferred a couple of months ago from Galbadia Garden. He's a SeeD instructor," Quistis said, avoiding looking directly at Squall. "We're not really together..." she trailed off.
So it wasn't Irvine. He'd just been teasing Quistis because of the similarities.
Grinning, Irvine couldn't stop teasing. "You just have lost of sex."
"I... urgh." She sent Irvine a murderous glare. "This is the last time I'm telling you anything."
"Hey, hey, hey," Irvine laughed, holding up his hands in defeat.
Quistis just kept her scolding glare on the chuckling man.
"So... who was it on the phone?" Selphie asked, turning to look at Squall once more.
Irvine huffed, not able to save Squall a second time.
For a brief moment Squall wondered what it would be like if he just told them the truth. Would they even believe him if he told them that it had been Seifer who had just called? He didn't want to lie, but he also couldn't expose Seifer. And he really didn't want to get into why Seifer was phoning him in the first place.
"No one," was all he said.
Quistis arched an eyebrow, wondering why Squall wasn't telling them who it was. Why wouldn't he just come out with it already?
"I'd rather not talk about it," he said sternly, wanting desperately to put an end to the topic.
"Sure," Irvine agreed amicably, not knowing why the two girls were so bent on dragging that little detail out of the brunet, when the man was quite obviously not keen on talking about it.
"Oooooo, I know what we should do. The sky is so clear here at night. You have to see the stars," Selphie said, quickly rising from the table. The others followed suit, Quistis' eyes lingering on Squall. She never liked it when he kept secrets and she was absolutely certain he was hiding something important from her.
Walking down the dim corridor, Squall felt relaxed. The tenseness from earlier had completely dissipated. The rest of the evening had been nice, just the four of them hanging out and talking about old times. They all seemed to know him better than what he gave them credit for. Being around them wasn't a chore like he always ended up imagining. Looking over at Quistis walking next to him, Squall knew she only ever worried about what was best for him. She never meant any harm.
"Can we talk?" he asked, knowing now was probably as good a time as any to ask for her advice.
Looking over to meet Squall's gaze, Quistis looked relieved. "Of course, Squall."
As they continued down the empty hall, Squall remained silent. Growing more and more curious by the second, Quistis decided to further the conversation. "What do you want to talk about?"
Leading them towards the guest rooms, Squall just shrugged, not wanting to have the conversation out in the open. Once inside, he switched on the lights. Wincing at the brightness, he proceeded to turn all the lights off aside from the bedside lamp. Sitting down on the bed, the brunet shifted his travel bag to the floor. As the bed sagged next to him, he looked up to see Quistis' blue eyes studying him. This could be a long night. Looking away, he kicked off his boots and put his feet up on the bed. Leaning back against the wall he pinched the bridge of his nose. Why did everything have to be so complicated? He didn't even know what he wanted to ask Quistis. He didn't even know how he felt about what had happened. The spar with Seifer had been amazing. Their talk earlier had been okay.
For the first time since it had happened, Squall allowed himself to think back to the night he had found Seifer and what had subsequently taken place. He could feel it and see it all too vividly. Everything at once. Seifer mocking him, teasing him, taunting him. He could hear Seifer's voice. Smell Seifer. Taste him. Feel the anguish of being degraded. The thrill of being touched. The mind numbing pleasure of Seifer filling him. The physical relief of coming.
And regret. Regret that the experience was so tainted. That he couldn't look back on it in excitement without scolding himself for it. There was also anger. Anger at Seifer for demanding something so intimate of him. What made Squall even more frustrated was that he knew that he had enjoyed it on some level. Some twisted perverted, sick level. He also knew that he wanted it again. Needed it. And that annoying feeling irked him more than anything. He didn't need anything.
"What's wrong, Squall?" Quistis asked, sensing the inner turmoil of the brunet.
Unable to form any words as he was lost to the torrent of emotions running through him, Squall just closed his eyes to shut out all other input. Maybe repressing his emotions hadn't been such a good idea after all.
"Squall?" Quistis asked, edging on nervousness. Something was definitely up.
And then, all of a sudden the tenseness disappeared as Squall's thoughts returned to the day he and Seifer had spent sparring. It was like two disparate realities, unable to mesh in any comprehensible manner. Planning to deal with it by talking to Quistis had been a bad idea. Who was he kidding? It had been an emergency plan to bury the emotions, to handle them in the only way he knew; with mechanically detached perfection. Pragmatism was what he did best.
"It's nothing," he finally managed.
Raising an elegant eyebrow in disbelief, Quistis prompted Squall to continue. Of course the brunet was too lost in his own world to notice such a movement. "Is this what the 'I want some time alone with you' was all about?"
Temporarily torn from his internal monologue, Squall nodded. He had also wanted to see her, but he couldn't deny that his need to repress the experience with Seifer had been the main reason. Making the plan to deal with it when he saw her had meant so much to him at the time.
"What happened?" Quistis asked, concerned, hoping she could somehow get through to her friend. She knew he had trouble opening up, but she also knew if there was anyone he would open up to it'd be her.
As Squall once again allowed himself to think back to what had happened, he felt revolted at how he had enjoyed it and how excited it made him now just to think about it. Deriving pleasure from being dominated by an ex-rival sounded high on the scale of insanity to him. Even more so when including the fact that he had enjoyed the feeling of another man's penis inside him. He had never even considered something like it. It wasn't talked about. It wasn't normal. Two men were not meant to be together. Which begged the question why Seifer would stoop to such a level and degrade himself by doing it? Once again Squall's mind was spiraling out of control, thoughts of being even more of an outcast and deviant than what he had already accustomed himself to at the forefront of his mind. He was not gay. Although Seifer seemed to have come to that conclusion rather quickly.
"Do you think I'm gay?" the brunet finally managed to ask. Maybe his best friend would have some insight into his fractured psyche that he didn't possess himself.
A big, loud, resounding 'what?!' was all Quistis' mind seemed to supply that instant. That was not the question she had expected. Temporarily stunned, she was unable to answer. As gray-blue eyes turned to look at her, she knew she had to collect her thoughts. "I honestly have no clue. Because of your relationship with Rinoa I guess I thought you were heterosexual."
"Me too," Squall agreed, looking away.
Still slightly shocked by her friend's question, Quistis had a hard time working out the implications. So Squall was having doubts about his sexuality. Not unusual, though she would admit it seemed a bit out of the blue. And though she knew the stigmata that came with being gay she couldn't understand why it would get to Squall so much. He usually didn't care what others thought of him.
Knowing something must have happened to bring this on and wanting to get to the core of it, she repeated her earlier question. "What happened?"
Reluctant to tell her anything about what had transpired, the brunet let his head fall back against the wall and closed his eyes.
"I had sex," he stated, voice void of emotion. "With a guy." It felt weird even saying it.
Once again Quistis' mind was racing, whilst she was trying hard not to let her surprise at his confession show. It was hard for her to conceal it; she really hadn't seen this coming. So many thoughts were running through her head, but she knew she had to temper them if she was to be any help to Squall.
"And I take it you enjoyed it?" she asked.
"Physically," was the only answer he offered, eyes still closed, not showing any emotion.
Frowning at the reply, Quistis was perplexed by Squall's use of words. "And mentally?"
"It's complicated."
"Uncomplicate it."
"I can't."
Not sure what it was exactly that was getting to Squall or how she could even help him, Quistis remained quiet. How someone had managed to get Squall into bed was beyond her. Any scenario she could come up with seemed completely implausible.
"So what you're saying is that you enjoyed sex with this guy, but not with Rinoa and that's what's making you worry?"
Squall couldn't help but cringe at her words. Why did everyone assume he and Rinoa had had sex? Annoyed that he had to correct yet another person's assumptions about his sex life, he answered as succinctly as possible. "Rinoa and I never had sex."
Quistis held her breath, somewhat shocked. Even thought the couple had only been together for a short time, Quistis was under the impression they had been intimate. She was absolutely certain Rinoa had said something to that effect.
"I never really thought about it. Not with her or anyone else," Squall said, deciding he might as well trust Quistis with that much. She was the only one he trusted not to turn the information against him.
As Squall's words sunk in, Quistis couldn't help but wonder even more how the hell this guy had gotten Squall to have sex if the brunet never even thought about it. Or from the sound of it, had ever really wanted it.
"Must've been a special guy to make you want it," she commented, deciding to voice her thoughts.
Squall visibly winced at her words. Her statement was wrong on so many levels. Seeing his reaction, Quistis frowned in concern. "What?"
He couldn't reply. He wouldn't tell her what Seifer had asked of him. He didn't think he could actually explain it, even if he wanted to. He knew the line between statutory rape and consent had been razor thin. He was not kidding himself, there was no denying that fact. Anyone other than himself would see it as rape. But he knew it had been his own choice. If he had wanted it to stop at any point he could have stopped it. If anything, a better comparison would be to that of a whore. He had already received his payment in full.
Quistis looked on as Squall's eyes once again lost their focus, the younger man obviously lost in contemplation. She was worried. From what he had said and his current expression she wasn't certain the experience had been that great. But if it hadn't then why was Squall worried about being gay?
"What does it even matter if you're gay or not?" she asked, once again pulling him out of his trance. "No one will worry if you keep it quiet. It's not like it's anyone's business anyway."
"I want to know. I never even considered it," he answered, voice cold.
"Well, then..." Quistis said, trailing off, pondering the cause of his frustration. "Do you want to have sex with him again?"
"No," came the very quick reply. A much quieter 'yes' followed minutes later.
Bringing his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose, he cursed inwardly. "Maybe."
He felt lost. He didn't know what he felt. It was all way too confusing and beyond his comprehension.
"I don't even like him," he stated in exasperation, although he knew that wasn't really the truth. He knew that deep down he viewed the blond as in a class of his own. And whereas the blond was arrogant and annoying most of the time, Squall also saw lots of redeeming qualities in the blond.
"The way I see it... just see what happens. If you want to be with a guy be with a guy. If not, don't. Just don't stress over it," Quistis said, trying to stop Squall's thoughts from spiraling out of control. She hoped her words would sink in, but she couldn't help but feel that it was just like telling Squall to just smile and be happy; an exercise in futility.
Knowing it went much deeper than that and that he needed to resolve his conflicting emotions, Squall just shrugged in reply. There really was no way he could share with her what had really transpired.
As the quiet dragged on, Quistis went back over their conversation. She really didn't know what she could say to help her friend. The way she saw it, gay or not, it didn't matter. Thinking back further a light bulb suddenly flicked on in her mind.
"He was the one who phoned you," she stated in realization.
When the brunet didn't reply but stayed quiet, she continued. "What did he want?"
Leaning forward to rest his arms on his knees, the brunet replied. "Nothing."
"You were gone for quite a while. It can't have been nothing."
Raking a hand through his hair in annoyance at Quistis' persistence he shrugged before replying. "He wants to meet up."
Quistis couldn't help but smile at the thought of Squall becoming intimate with someone. It seemed quite surreal, but then again maybe it was just what Squall needed.
Spotting the smile on Quistis' lips, Squall frowned. It's not what you think. He did it to degrade me. And I'm fucked up for wanting him to do it again.
"Are you going to?"
"Yeah."
"Well... just don't worry about it. Just see what happens," she repeated, hoping the words would sink in at least on some basic level.
Dismissing her advice, Squall turned his head to the side, feeling a gaping hole growing inside him. The desperation he had felt almost half a year ago before he had set out to find Seifer was returning. He had found Seifer, but at the same time he had uncovered a most unsettling part of his psyche. There was no normal for him. If he was to have sex again he wouldn't want to woo some girl, he would want to be taken, he would want it rough. Oddly, the thing that turned him on the most when thinking back on that night was not what he had derived most pleasure from at the time. Instead it was what had disturbed him most. Thinking about Seifer forcing his penis into his mouth made an unfamiliar throb settle in his groin. Feeling his cheeks heat in humiliation, Squall needed Quistis to leave immediately.
"I need to take a shower," he said, quickly rising and turning his back to her.
"Okay," she replied, the word catching in her throat. She hadn't missed the dazed look to Squall's eyes as his eyelids had become heavier by the minute, nor his shallow breathing or the light pink tinging his cheeks. Obviously Squall's thoughts had been far from pure. Raising herself up from the bed, she definitely didn't want to think about why he was in such a hurry to have a shower.
"See you tomorrow!" she called to the already closed bathroom door.
Inside the bathroom Squall was already undressing quietly. He felt somewhat bad for having made Quistis leave like that, but there had been no other choice. Staring down at his arousal, he cursed himself. Getting into the shower he turned the knob as far in the direction of the blue indicator as possible.
As the freezing water hit his body, he started shivering uncontrollably. His skin felt almost feverish as the drops of icy water dug into his skin like a thousand needles. Inhaling deeply, he focused on clearing his mind. It didn't take long before the insistent throb he had felt earlier began abating. Crisis averted, he turned the knob on the shower to a more survivable level. As the shivering subsided he turned off the shower and got out. Once dry he walked back into the guest room and located his bag. Getting out a pair of comfortable drawstring pants, he readied himself for bed.
With the lights turned off, the brunet lay in his bed, focusing all thought on the sole task of falling asleep. He quickly realized it was a lost cause. All he could think of was whether or not the blond had derived any pleasure at all from what he had done. Even through alcohol tinted glasses it seemed like Seifer had derived pleasure from it. Why else would he have done it? But then why would he derive pleasure from something like that? Squall couldn't imagine any sane person taking pleasure in forcing himself upon another man. Sodomy was a perverted deviancy, why would the blond lower himself to that?
But then again, it had been Squall's humiliation Seifer had wanted, and Squall definitely felt humiliated because of the immense pleasure he had derived from the act. It just didn't make sense that Seifer had known Squall would react like that.
Unable to answer all the questions that kept making their way to the forefront of his mind, the brunet decided he might as well just take the bull by the horns and deal with the problem directly. He was a grown man after all. Grabbing his phone from where he had placed it earlier, Squall returned to the bed.
'You up?' he typed and hit send before he could reconsider.
It wasn't a minute before electric blue lit up the room, the screen on his mobile displaying Seifer's reply.
'I am now. Thanks, fucker.'

'Whatever,' Squall wrote back, already annoyed at the blond.
This time it took a bit longer before he received a reply. 'Not helping your case. What do you want?'
What did he want? Out of all the questions making his head spin, he had to chose one.
'Did you enjoy fucking me?' he wrote, not wanting to imply anything by the question. He just wanted to know the truth.
When his phone started buzzing insistently in his hand his stomach twisted. He didn't want to talk to Seifer, talking would make it all too real; he just wanted answers. He didn't breathe again until his mobile stopped buzzing. Taking in a deep breath, he wondered why the blond had decided to phone instead of write, but he was quickly interrupted as the phone once again lit up.
'Are you kidding me?' was the only reply.
'No,' Squall wrote back in irritation.
It didn't take long before the next message came through. 'Yes. See that's the thing about sex, it's usually quite enjoyable.'
Squall scrunched his eyebrows in contemplation. Seifer was saying it had been pleasurable because it had been sex; not because he had been humiliating Squall.
'Why did you do it?' he wrote back.
'You were there. I was horny,' came the simple reply. Why was everything always so simple to Seifer?
After a couple of minutes, another message showed up on Squall's mobile.
'What difference does it make?'
'None,' Squall replied quickly, not caring if what he wrote was a lie. He wasn't about to divulge any of his thoughts on the matter.
'Then why the fuck are you asking?'
Contemplating how to answer the blond, Squall stalled. He didn't want to tell him. He didn't want to write that it mattered because he wanted to know how sick Seifer was or because he himself had a sick, sick urge for Seifer to dominate him again. Instead of answering the blond directly, he settled on a different approach. 'Do you think about it?'
Fed up with Squall's questions and lack of answers to his own questions, Seifer decided to throw the question right back at him. 'Do you?'
Squall glared at his phone as he read the message. Annoying son of a... For a while he couldn't figure out how to reply.
'Not really,' he finally settled on. Then a minute or two later he changed his mind and decided to be completely honest. 'I did tonight.'
Almost instantaneously his screen lit up again. 'Did it make you hard?'
Having already given too much away, Squall's apathy was escalating rapidly. What did their conversation matter in the scheme of things, anyway?
'Yes.'
'Touch yourself,' was the immediate demand.
Reading the message again, Squall felt the annoying throb from earlier return. Fuck. Reluctantly he eased his cold fingers under the soft cotton of his pants and closed them around his hard length. The first stroke was the worst. He couldn't stop thinking about the blond, about his expression when he had first slipped his finger inside Squall and at the same time Squall's mind was wracked with guilt. The next stroke was easier, the nauseating feeling of doing something wrong dissipating as he allowed himself to remember the pleasure that had coursed through him each time Seifer had thrust into him.
Registering a faint buzz in his left hand, gray-blue eyes opened to read another message.
'I could fuck you right now. Just thinking about your scrawny ass is making me hard.'
And somehow those words made it all wrong. It wasn't right. There was no way in the world that Seifer wanting to fuck him was even remotely close to something resembling sanity. Fully fledged psychosis sounded much more likely. Even worse was his own body's traitorous wants. What sick mind would find pleasure in being fucked and dominated by a person that had tortured him? Seifer might have been mind controlled at the time, but was Squall really capable of looking beyond that? Or was this the fulfillment of some twisted fantasy that had long laid dormant? Sickened by his thoughts, Squall went limp.
'Stop,' he wrote back, not wanting it to go any further. Sparring was what was meant to happen between them. They were meant to balance each other out in battle and force each other to work harder on their skills. Nothing else. Anything more was twisted and wrong.
'Why? Little Squally not rising to the challenge?' Seifer wrote back, annoyed.
Deciding there was nothing he could do to change the blond's mood Squall refrained from replying. They would still have their spars. They had agreed on that earlier. For long moments the room was all too quiet, the air suffocating and rancid. It didn't help as his mobile relayed another message.
'Fuck you too.'
Holding down the 'off' button, Squall knew when enough was enough. If he answered he'd only antagonize the blond further. He would have to fix it some other time. First he had to deal with his own fractured psyche. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he willed it all to go away. Why did he have to go and mess up their fragile equilibrium? Sparring was all he needed. It meant everything to him, so why the fuck had he risked it? And it scared him that it sounded very likely that Seifer wouldn't mind a repeat performance. Then again the blond might just be goading him on; collection more material to taunt him with.
Maybe what he needed to do was to even out the playing field. Do what Seifer had done. Dominate Seifer. Maybe then they could put all of this behind them.
A/N: Hope you all liked the chapter. Thanks so much for the lovely reviews! Sorry about the longer time it took for me too update this time around - hope the length of the chapter makes up for it. Uni has kicked off now though, so it'll probably start being longer between installments. Feedback always encourages me to write more though *hint* *hint* ;)
Aerawyn - thanks so much for your reviews! I've gone through and changed the things you turned my attention to in chapter four (I've also tried fixing some of the more aggravating errors in the third chapter like the "the the"s). I'm honored you've taken the time to help me out!
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Arcane Crisis