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Insanity	By : Naniris Category: Final Fantasy VIII > General Views: 611 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Insanity
- 2-Denial
- 3-Masks
- 4-Reaction
- 5-Dreams
- 6-Misunderstanding
- 7-Voice
- 8-Cruelty
- 9-Overwhelmed
- 10-Childhood
- 5
- 6
- 7
This is a SeiferxZell yaoi and if you don�t like it don�t
read it.
Disclaimer: I don�t own anybody�not even myself.
��talking
~�~thoughts
{�}memories
Italics Zell�s
self-preservation

In the Infirmary, silence pervaded into every corner and the
smell of disinfectants and medicines was nauseating to anyone not used to
hospitals. Without any battles or training going on in the Garden, the
Infirmary wasn�t used very often to treat injuries. Instead it became a
counseling center, with only a couple of medical doctors and many psychiatrics.
Practically the entire student body has gone there once or twice, so there
wasn�t any taboo in asking for help. Three of the world�s heroes were on there
way to see a certain doctor.

�I wonder why Dr. Kadowaki called us to her office. You
think she found out something about Zell?� Rinoa followed the SeeDs from behind. �None of us have seen
him since yesterday. What if he hurt himself�or worse?�

�Please, don�t be so pessimistic.� Quistis wondered the same
thing, but she couldn�t admit it. ~What if she�s right? I should have prevented
this.~

�Sorry.� ~I had to open my big mouth. I�m not helping at
all, am I?...I�m so stupid.~ The small woman mentally belittled herself once
again.

�No�it�s okay. You�re just worried, that�s all. You don�t
have to be sorry for speaking your mind.� The blonde looked back and smiled
reassuringly.

�We�re here� Squall opened the door and held it for the
others. Once inside they walked down a hallway passing next to several rooms,
most of them empty.

Inside room 3, a young Asian man was receiving physical
therapy for his left arm. He was using a 15 pound dumbbell flexing his muscles
that even though weren�t very pronounced, they were still visible.

Rinoa stopped next to the door. �He seems familiar. Isn�t he
the pilot or something?�

The ex-instructor looked inside and recognized him. �Yes,
it�s the pilot. I think his name is Nida.� Watching his movements she could see
he flinched every time he lifted his arm, yet didn�t stop exercising it. �I
wonder what he�s doing here.�

Several feet away Squall stopped, sensing that he has been
walking by himself. Turning around and seeing his female companions gawking at
some guy inside room 3, he felt irritated. ~ What is it now? I thought they
wanted to see the doctor as soon as possible. A couple of seconds ago they�re
talking about how worried they were and now look at them. What could possibly
be so interesting that they stop and stare at it for this long? I can�t wait
forever without knowing what happened to Zell. If I don�t say something,
they�ll probably stay there.~ �Hurry�

After hearing the commanding voice, they broke out of their
stupor and continued down the hallway. �Sorry about that. You�re not jealous,
are you?�

�No�

Rinoa grabbed his arm and walked next to him. �No, I guess
you aren�t. The look on your face says it all.� She sighed. The warrior just
shrugged her off.

They reached Kadowaki�s office and knocked on her door.
Shuffling sounds were heard inside and then the door was opened. �Mr.
Leonheart, Ms. Trepe and Ms. Heartilly; I�m very glad you came so soon. I have
to check on one of my patient�s progress and I�ll be right back to talk with
you.�

�Is it about Zell?� Quistis grabbed the older woman�s arm in
search for an answer. She couldn�t wait, but the doctor�s demeanor wasn�t
grave, giving her some hope that nothing awful has happened yet.

�Yes, it is. My patient in room 3 was put there by him last
night.� She turned around and glanced at the three with a comforting look in
her face. �I�ll explain what happened last night with Mr. Dincht. If you wish,
you can accompany me for the check-up and he�ll help clarify the situation.�

�Let�s go then�
Squall responded.

�But, what about Zell? Isn�t he here? What happened?� Rinoa
grabbed Kadowaki�s other arm anxiously.

�Don�t worry. Everything will be made clear soon. Well,
everything that can be explained for now, at least.� She loosened their grasp
and headed down the corridor with a note pad and a stethoscope in hand.

�Typical, she calls us out here and then makes us wait.�
Squall crossed his arms and followed the doctor.

The girls watched him walk away with a concern look on his
face. �What�s wrong with him? He hasn�t acted this cold since before he became
a SeeD.�

�It�s my fault�when I told Squall I was scared of him this
morning, he closed up again� The brunette squeezed her arms hard. �I�m only
causing problems. I never do anything right.�

Quistis approached her shorter friend, putting her hand on
the other�s shoulder. �Don�t say that. You helped open him up in the first
place. I tried before, but to no avail. You helped us understand what�s
bothering Zell, too. Squall will come around soon. He hasn�t gotten used to
dealing with his emotions yet.�

�We don�t know if that is what happened to Zell yesterday. I
could be wrong, you know?� They stood there for what seemed like hours, but
could only be minutes. She glanced at the hallway and couldn�t see her
boyfriend or the doctor. �I�m sorry to keep you waiting here. Squall and
Kadowaki are already inside.�

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Inside of room 3, Nida is getting a physical examination by
an older woman. He continues to glance out of the corner of his right eye to
see the imposing figure of the only gunblade specialist left in Balamb
Garden. ~First Zell last night and
now Squall. I�m attracting big names to myself all of a sudden. I wonder if it
isn�t a sign that I�ll no longer be a nobody. Or maybe it�s just Hyne rubbing in
my face the fact that I�ll never be that famous.~ He sighed loudly.

�Is everything alright?� Kadowaki lifted her eyes from her
notes and looked at her patient. �You seem pensive.�

�Oh! Yeah, yeah. I�m fine. Just thinking about�stuff.� He tried
to cover for himself, but the Asian woman still looked at him unconvinced.

�Very well then. Now stretch your arm outwards and then turn
it around as much as possible. If you feel any discomfort, please inform me�
She returned to her notes writing down the muscles� reflexes in the left arm.

The pilot straightened his arm towards his front and then
turned it sideways. He folded it against his chest and then stretched it behind
himself until he could touch the middle of his back. Bringing it back in front
of himself once again, the young SeeD rotated his wrist several times and moved
his fingers id oud out of a fist. Through all this his face remained calm with
no sign of pain.

�See, my arm�s as good as new.� He grinned in achievement
~That wasn�t so bad. My arm feels like it�s going to fall off, but it wasn�t so
bad.~ � I didn�t need to stay in the Infirmary all morning, Dr. Kadowaki.�

�You have a very high pain tolerance, Mr. Nida. But I have
been a doctor since before you were born and I can recognize a muscle flinching
involuntarily from the smallest of actions.� She didn�t lift her eyes from the
notes she was writing, yet Nida caught a sliver of a smile on the woman lips.

�Come on. I�m good to go! I already missed the class I had
to give at ten this morning and my afternoon is even busier. I have a lot of
responsibilities I need to take care of.� He practically begged. �I can handle
a little pain for a couple of days.�

�I�ll let you go on the condition that you use some
anti-inflammatory cr and and mild painkillers I have in my office for your sore
muscles.� She stood up and walked towards the doorway. �And you must rest it as
much as possible.�
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
During the wait the young commander had been consumed by his
thoughts. ~I scared Zell�I scare Rinoa. Who else
thinks I�m a monster? If I �t c�t called out to him yesterday, he would have
been fine. Every time I try to hang out with somebody I freak them out somehow.
I�m over-exaggerating this whole thing. They�re my friends, but�if I wasn�t so
open with them. I wouldn�t get hurt and I wouldn�t harm them.~

Glancing towards his side, he sees the doctor and the
patient talking. ~What�s taking so long? I hat bet been listening to a thing
they�ve said, but I know that it�s been useless babble. The guy looks fine. I�m
sure Zell didn�t do anything to serious. The
bastard�s probably faking his injury to call attention. Kadowaki can�t be a
good physician if she falls for it *sigh* Finally, she�s finished.~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Squall still stood in the entrance leaning against the
frame. �What about Zell?� His voice and face had become expressionless.

�I�ll tell you soon enough, Mr. Leonheart.� She glanced over
her shoulder. �I just need to get some medications for him.� Leaving the
worried friend behind, she continued down the corridor.

�She�s pretty good at what she does, huh?� Nida sat up and
faced the hero.

�� ~How can she be so unconcerned? We�ve been waiting for
nearly an hour and she still makes us wait. And where the hell is Quistis and
Rinoa anyway?~

�It was really cool at how you defeated that Sorceress and
all.� The pilot was getting nervous. Normally he wouldn�t approach any of the
heroes, much less speak to them. However, now seemed like as good a time as any
to start.

�� ~Great, he�s talking to me. What was his name? Neda,
Nide, Lida�something like that. I�ll just say one and if it�s wrong he�ll
gladly correct me.~

Squall stood up straight and put his hands in his pockets.
�You�re the pilot, right? Nada, was it?� ~Open and social. It isn�t so hard.~

After hearing that name, a shadow filled the injured man�s
face. Clenching his fists against the bed�s sheets he uttered. �Don�t ever call
me that again. If you�re not sure what my name is, just ask for it.�

He let go of the sheets and stood up. The tranquilizers from
the night before hadn�t completely worn off, so he staggered at first, yet
quickly regained his composure. �My name is Nida�N-I-D-A, not the pilot guy�not
the other guy� not what�s-his-name. I am definitely NOT called Nada and if you
ever call me that again I�ll ram your gunblade so far up your ass, you�ll be
cutting the top of your mouth every time you sit down.�

�Sorry.� ~ What the fuck? How did I make him angry? He
seemed perfectly fine before.~

�Shut the fuck up and get out of my way.� Nida rushed
towards the door, the one that Squall was currently in front of.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After taking their time walking towards the room, the girls
see the older woman leave. �Is everything alright, Doctor?�

�For the moment it is, Ms. Trepe.� The Asian continued on
her way. �I�ll be back soon.�

�I wonder what Squall�s doing.� Rinoa was still grasping her
arms tightly, unknowingly bruising the skin. �Do you think he�s mad at me?�

�No, of course not.� They were about to reach the door when
they heard a screaming voice from the other side. Inside was a shirtless young
man, who had just pushed a surprised Squall to the floor. The man was running
straight towards them.

�What�s going on? What did you do to him?� Rinoa stood in
his way defiantly, yet her petite size was no challenge to the taller Asian,
and she was thrown back easily.

�Out of my way.� He didn�t look back, as he ran down the
hallway, and couldn�t see the powerful hand grabbing his arm.

�Stop running this instant!� With
all the authority she could muster, she subdued the apprehensive pilot.
�Explain yourself.�

�Let�me�go.� Holding his head down he looked at her legs, he
couldn�t look up. He knew who he pushed down, he knew who was holding him
there. The heroes, everyone�s heroes. ~The gods hate me. They enjoy making fun
of me. Why did he call me Nada?...why I�m I surrounded
by these�these known people?~

�Not until you tell me what happened.� She jerked his arm to
force him to reveal his face. Nida bit his mouth shut so he wouldn�t scream out
from the pain that was coursing up his arm into his chest and down his back . Continuing
to look at the floor, he felt his knees start to bend; despite the adrenaline
rush, the effects of the drugs haven�t completely worn off yet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From inside the room Squall came out in a fury. ~I�m tired of
freaking people out. I didn�t do anything to him and he acts as though I killed
his mother.~ Seeing his girlfriend on the floor, he grew concerned. �Rinoa, you
ok?� he kneeled next to her. She was crying again, so her champion lifted her
hair from her forehead and kissed it.

Still covering her face, she muttered. �I couldn�t stop
him�Quistis can�so easily�but I�I.�

�It�s okay�you were unprepared.� ~Damn it. I was being an
ass earlier.~ �Don�t cry� Moving his arms around her, he noticed small bruises on
her arms. ~That fucking bastard.~ �Where
is he?�

�Quistis�ran after him.� She pointed in the direction they
went. She looked back at her savior and felt safe. ~Look at his face. He�s
worried about me. I�m completely useless, yet he still loves me.~

Standing up, the swordsman walked calmly down the hall.
�Stay here.� ~That punk thinks he can get away with hurting my friends.
Probably provoked Zell to attack him last night. I�ll teach him a much more
painful lesson the second I get my hands on him.~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
�Please�let me go.� The outburst a couple of seconds ago had
worn him out. �I have work�to do�

�You�re not going anywhere till I know what you did.�
Feeling him weaken from exhaustion she decided to jerk him again to see his
face. �Tell me.�

�Listen, I�m sorry�I�m sorry for screaming at your friend
back there�I�m sorry for pushing that girl�I�m sorry for asking for
shampoo�just let me go.� He finally lookt het her, his eyes brimming with
tears, his face red from the pain. The sight was so unexpected that Quistis
suddenly let go of his arm, causing to fall on to his side.

Trying to lift himself from the floor he started to chuckle
softly. �I have�to do some�schematics for the Garden.� Getting to his knees, his battered arm hung
loosely at his side. �Teach�some classes.� Finally standing up he looked at the
stunned blonde and grinned timidly. �I�m a very�busy person.�

�Nida�I�are you okay?� Quistis approached him slowly,
offering her hand as support. ~He�s in pain. His left arm�s injured; I remember
when he was lifting those weights. How could I be so careless?~

�Fine, just fine.� The pilot continued to smile as if they
had met under different circumstances ~She knows my name. How nice of
her.~ However behind her, he could see
the looming figure of an enraged man. ~He's going to beat the shit out of me.~
"I have to�go."

"Wait�let Kadowaki see your arm.&; St; Stepping forward
she extended her hand once again. "I must have hurt you."

"No�it's okay. It was nice meeting you." Turning
around he ran as fast as he could, down the empty hallway. ~I'll get to my
dorm, clean up and go to my class in time.~

"No, don't go!...Nida, I'm sorry." Whispering she
felt pangs of guilt piercing her heart. From behind her, she could hear steps
on the linoleum floor. "Leave him
alone. Please."

"Why?" Standing next to her, Squall looked down at
his clenched fists.

"Please. Let's talk with Kadowaki and forget this
happened."

"He hurt Rinoa." He felt his wrath grow. ~Why are
you defending that shit?~

"I hurt him enough." She looked up at him. Tears
threatening to fall, she grabbed his jacket. "Let him go�He only wants to
be left alone."

"Fine" He scoffed but only felt more furious.
~What the hell did he do to you?!~

"Thank you." She wiped her face and regained her
composure. Looking past her comrade she could see the doctor with their petite
friend. "Here she comes."

"Where's Mr. Nida? I have to give him these medicines
for his arm." Looking at their facial expressions she could see that they
didn't want to talk about it.
&;Nida's arm was broken in
several places last night and he nearly bled to death. He accidentally startled
Mr. Dincht in the shower room." Giving Squall an uncompromising look she
continued. "He could have died, however he didn't blame your friend."

"�" ~Everyone's defending that asshole. Who does
he think he's messing with? He's been hurting my friends.~

"When can we see Zell?" Trying to change the
subject, Quistis asked composedly.

"Tomorrow at one in the same room we always meet. Think
about what to say to him, how to help him. He needs friends now, more than ever
before."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Opening his door and walking inside his shared room, Nida
slumped against the sofa. ~So�tired.~ Covered in sweat and out of breath, he
forced himself to stand up once again. ~Clean up. Get dressed. Go work.~

He staggered to the small kitchen and turned on the faucet.
Dabbing his face with the cold water he started to feel revitalized. Grabbing
an old cloth, he began to scrub his face and chest, all the time using his
right arm. ~It's a good thing I'm right-handed, huh?There, I'm clean enough.~

His room was small and there was only a calendar on the
wall, a bedside table and a small closet. Inside he began to dress slowly into
his SeeD uniform. Glancing at n cln class=GramE>a alarm clock next to
his bed he saw that it was 1:37 pm.
Less than half an hour till his class. ~No time for lunch. I have to hurry.~ He grabbed a small suitcase on the side of the bed and
hobbled to the door. Right before the pilot could mark the code, the door
opened and his roommate, strutted inside. The guy held himself tall and had an
air of superiority around him, even though he was a nobody like Nida.

"Hey, whatcha doing there roommie? I thought you'd be at your class by now." He
was the very arrogant guy who spent a lot of time at the library. Always
talking bull about how great he was.

"I'm in a hurry, Gary Lou." Nida tried to walk
past him, but was stopped by an arm in front of his face. "What is
it?"

&qUh, Uh, uh, uh. Didn't your mama ever teach you
manners?" He waved his index finger at his impatient 'friend'. "You
could at least say goodbye."

"Bye." Nida walked under his arm and was about to
get out the door, when two arms grabbed him from behind and tightened their
grip. "Let me go."

"Come on, you just broke up with that bitch, what other
excuse could you have for refusing me." Embracing him tighter he kissed
the back of the other's neck. "You just cleaned up, didn't you?"

"I'm not interested, Gary. Even if I was gay, I
wouldn't want to be with a jerk like you." Struggling to get out of the
hold of the other man, he could feel his arm going numb with pain. "Let me
go. I have a class to give."

"You're barely struggling. I can feel you go limp in my
arms as we speak." Carrying the tired Asian to the sofa, he threw him down
and laid on top of him. "I know you want it, Mary
is a whore, but she didn't put out for you." He started to rub his crotch
roughly against him. "Just let me fuck you. It�ll be nice."

"Get off me!"
Nida used every ounce of his strength to push
his attacker off. "Damn it Gary,
leave me alone!" He ran for the door and left quickly without looking
behind.

Sitting on the sofa, Gary looked at the ceiling. Lowering
his hand into his pants, he pulled out his erection and started to jerk off.
With very rough and quick strokes, he neared himself to climax, all the while
talking amidst his moans. "Soon�You'll be the one�doing this�ugh�for
me."

After satisfying himself, he walked to the kitchen and
opened the fridge. Inside he took out a jar of mayonnaise, opened the cap and
smeared his cum into the mush. ~You've already tasted me before, and you never
suspected it.~ "I want to taste you."

TBC

A/N
Thank you Riveth
and Cassie for the reviews, as well to rhapsodisiac for reviewing first.
^^

You'll see Zell in the next chapter. I wanted to write a
chap. that showcased the other characters feelings and also to give Nida more
depth.

In case you didn't know, Nada means nothing in Spanish, so
when Squall called him Nada, he was basically saying "You're
nothing."

Oh, and about Gary's little obsession�the fic's called Insanity for a reason.
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Insanity