Like a Cherry River

Author's Notes: 'Noose around a choking heart' comes from the Nightwish song 'bye bye beautiful, owned by Nightwish and not me.

“So Cloud…” A light nudge against his shoulder had blonde glancing up and over at the dark-haired and higher-ranked SOLDIER, “Got someone ‘special’ back home…?” A playful wink had Cloud flushing slightly and quickly turning his head away.

“Uhm…Nnnh, Sorta,” Cloud admitted, shrinking his head down between his shoulders.

Thinking about it, he sorta lied. No…he was lying. Even if part of him wanted to join SOLDIER to impress Tifa, he just…he really didn’t know if she was why he was here anymore. She wasn’t that certain special someone for him, besides, she barely even noticed him.


Why should she have ever noticed him anyway?

She was tall for her age, thin, shapely, strong and determined, her figure certainly didn’t hurt…even if her punches did. There had even been a time when Cloud had gotten lost in her eyes, they were so deep and caring…she had always been a comforter, that was her role in life…and everyone had always known that Tifa was going to make the world’s greatest mother one day. But, he no longer pined after her like he used to, it wasn’t her that he thought of when he was in bed anymore.

It was…

Zack laughed a bit and shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest, “You can’t be serious, Cloud? The girls back home must love you!” He grinned, “They always like the shy ones,” He chuckled and hung his head, slumping his shoulders, before he perked up in a flash and beamed back at the younger one, “Besides, I’m sure the other guys back home just want to bang ‘em from here to Wutai, huh? I’ve heard that Niebelheim chicks are pretty fine,” He winked again, leaning in close to Zack.

“No, not…not really,” Cloud stuttered, flicking his eyes away quickly, trying to force the blush away from his cheeks. In a desperate attempt to avoid the subject of himself, he threw the question back into Zack’s waaay too handsome face, “Wh…what about you?”

Zack looked confused and slid back, tapping his foot, “Well…I don’t have anyone back home,” He shrugged, as he let out a sigh and rolled his eyes up to the ceiling, thinking idly on who had caught his eye, “And…he works for Shinra,”

“H…he?”

Cloud looked astonished.

HE?!

Cloud had NO idea that Zack…swung that way…But…but, it wasn’t bad.

Maybe…Maybe Zack liked…

“Yeah?” Zack laughed, “You didn’t know, Cloud? I, uhm…I gave up on girls awhile ago, they just…” He paused a wrinkled his nose, “I dunno…but guys are just…more my style, y’know?”

Cloud looked relieved, but was still far on edge, was still in anticipation.

Was there a chance that maybe…he was the one that Zack liked, that Zack considered special.

Gathering up his courage, Cloud spoke up, “…What’s he like?”

Zack laughed a little and moved a hand beneath his chin, pondering it as he gave a large grin and turned his eyes up to the ceiling, “Well…he’s pretty lanky, thin…doesn’t look like a threat,”

Well…Cloud was lanky, thin, and he didn’t look any more threatening than a two-week old kitten.

So maybe,

“He’s a Turk though…” Zack sighed out, “You’ve probably seen him; Red-hair, little tattoos right here…” Zack pointed to his cheek-bones with a dreamy sigh, “…E-mag rod,” He said suggestively raising an eyebrow and winking back at Cloud, fully unaware that he’d just dashed the blond’s hopes.

“…R…Reno?” Cloud asked, his form slumping in disappointment,

Zack blinked, not aware that Cloud would know his name, but he gave a nod anyway, looking awfully proud, “Yeah…Reno…” He clarified; looking like another fit of puppy-love was about to come on, as he sighed out and leaned against the nearest wall, lacing his hands behind his head with a love-struck grin, “I’d kill for that guy in a heartbeat...”

--

Cloud cleared his throat as he pushed the memories away, coming back to reality with the aid of the cooling air brushing across his cheek. “He knew…” It was only obvious who Cloud was referring to.

Reno lifted his head lightly and glanced over to Cloud, furrowing his saddened brows in confusion, “Wh…what?”

“Zack…he loved you too,”

Reno’s jaw dropped. Cloud couldn’t be serious. Could he?

“He told me…” Cloud said sadly, just the tiniest bit of jealousy floating in the back of his mind, “He wanted you…more than anything, he thought the world of you…he really did,” The blonde forced a thick swallow.

Reno’s eyes went just a bit more glossy than before, “You…you can’t be serious, Cloud,” There was urgency in Reno’s voice as he turned and moved to face Cloud, waiting for Cloud to say something, anything.

“I am,” Cloud affirmed, sitting still as he tried to keep his throat from cracking in half from the weight of the words coming from his tongue.

“…What?” Reno mumbled, not fully understanding it. Zack…loved him too? No, he couldn’t have…but it made sense, but if he did why didn’t he say anything? “He…you really mean that?” Cloud nodded, “But…why…why didn’t he tell me?”

Cloud looked over at Reno, narrowing his eyes, “You only cared about the list of whores you had in your pocket,” The slightest curve of anger rose up into his voice before he screwed his eyes shut and hit his fist into the ground, “You were a Turk Reno, Turks don’t love, okay?” He forced the words out bitterly, “If you wanted him, you should have said something. You should have known that he couldn’t say something like that to you.” Cloud couldn’t help his growing frustration, “You. Should. Have. Known.” Cloud smacked a hand over his mouth, letting out a hoarse choking sound, leaving Reno worried and feeling like the ultimate ass.

“Cloud…I…” Reno frowned, feeling like he just wanted to go limp, “I didn’t know…I wanted to say something, but…” There was no excuse for it. Reno knew that Zack liked guys, it was easy to figure that much out. But, Reno didn’t know that Zack liked…No, loved him. Reno didn’t know. Reno didn’t even know.

“But what?” Cloud looked back at him, “…Do you have any idea what it did to him to see you come back from the Honeybee Inn every other night?” Reno felt small, clenching his fits down by his side as an usual pain slicked over his eyes, “He was always so worried about you…You. Just You, Reno. Not even himself,”

Cloud bit down on his lip as another swift kick of memories bit down against the back of his skull.

Zack was so…so cold, his fingers were stiff and his skin was pale, no longer bright and sun-tanned. Cloud could barely stand to look at him, but…at the same time, he just couldn’t look away. Cloud could feel his body wanting to break, his breath so shallow, and his heart barely wanting to go on. It might have been the mako poisoning, but to say that it was because of the sight before him was much closer to the truth.

“Zack” Cloud’s voice instantly broke, quavering as he stared down at Zack. The blonde knew instantly, that there was nothing that he could do. Zack was going to die, right there and Cloud couldn’t stop it.

“On my behalf…” Cloud’s eyes widened as he heard Zack, trying to absorb each word, not wanting to miss anything, knowing that Zack would never say anything again. He had to make sure, he savored this and fulfilled anything that Zack requested.

“Your behalf?” With each word, Cloud had to swallow his heart once again.

“That’s right. You will…”

“You will…”Cloud breathed out quietly, just wishing that he could have done something, anything to just make Zack stay with him.

“Live. You’ll be my living legacy. My dreams, My pride, their yours now.”

“I’m your living legacy,” And Cloud meant it…

He knew Zack was fading, and he was just barely able to keep himself together…now sitting there with the Buster sword in his arms, he fought back his own tears, choking out against his sobs.


That was when Zack tucked his hand into his shirt, tugging out a small folded rectangle of paper. Cloud stared in confusion and took it, giving a reassuring smile.

Zack smiled one last time, and then he was gone.

Cloud screamed.

Moving a hand, Cloud’s fingertips slipped into his pocket, brushing over a corner of paper, biting down on his lip as he closed his eyes and plucked it out from it’s dark confines. Holding it up in front of Reno’s nose, he turned shameful eyes to the ground, “Here…Zack, he wanted me to give this to you…”

Reno’s eyes shot up.

A letter?

The paper was old, worn, and had long since turned yellow from the ware of time. He could see smudges from the pen on the outside and where the ink had leaked. Taking it from Cloud’s hand with shaking fingertips, he unfolded it carefully, as though it would crumble into dust.

He suddenly clasped a hand over his mouth and lurched when he saw the blood that was spattered on the lettering.

Reno didn’t have to take a guess, it was Zack’s blood; old and dried, but still as vibrant as the day that it had been spilled, but even worse than the blood…their was a tiny date scribbled in the corner, it was written yesterday exactly five years ago.

This was written the day before Zack died.

Reno…I guess this is the last thing you’ll ever here from me. I don’t really know if I’ll make it back to Midgar, and I know that if I do, you’ll be right there waiting to shoot me. You were always a great Turk, never failed to finish a mission, did ya?

But…that’s not…not what I wanted to say, I…

I wish I really could have been telling you this, instead of you reading it but, that doesn’t matter anymore, you just have to know.

I’ve been watching you…for a long LONG time, I haven’t been able to get you off my mind, and Shiva I’ve tried. But everywhere I go, you’re right there, right there and I can’t get away. I could never say it to your face, afraid that you would laugh and think it was a joke…but I guess if you laugh now, I can’t hear it, huh?

I…damn, this sounds too mushy for me.

I love you Reno…I can’t remember when I didn’t love you, but…I can’t do anything about it now, not with everyone in Shinra trying to find me. I didn’t know how to tell you, but it’s out now…just promise me that even if you’re not okay with this, if I make it back to Midgar…no, when I make it back to Midgar…don’t kick the shit out of me.

A bitter chuckle was the first thing to leave Reno when he finished reading that letter stained in blood, dirt, tears, and ink. A few fresh tears fell and joined the ones from five years ago, his breath hitching as he held it tight the letter tight in his hands, as though it could lead him right to Zack. He laughed again and dropped his head, a sob ringing from his lips.

That was it.

That was all that Reno could take.

He broke down, all at once and was surprised that anything was left.

“Fuck! FUCK!!”

He screamed at the top of his lungs, his body crumpling forward, cradling the letter close, tears falling unchecked from his eyes as he fell into what felt like delirium, he barely even registered the fact that Cloud had moved close to him and slung an arm over his shoulders, holding him tight to his side as small tears fell from the blonde’s eyes as well.

It was just…too much all at once.

If Reno had just told Zack,

He could have had everything that he wanted,

He could have found a way for Zack to still be alive.

If Reno could have forced himself to tell Zack that he loved him, Reno would have found the strength to save him.