Holiday Surprises

Disclaimer: I own…hmm, nothing, odd isn't it?

Warning: Nudity, drinking, and company picnics.

Please look for: My upcoming collaboration with Kibaftw called 'Innuendo'. It's really just us being idiots, but it's wildly amusing.

Sephiroth sat at the picnic table, glaring at the other Shinra employees. No one approached him, just as the silver haired man wanted it. He didn't know why he was required to come to these things; he had much more important things to attend to after all. But every year he was required to attend the Shinra flag appreciation picnic. Not even having Zack and Cloud here was making it bearable, the two chocobo haired males were off in their own little world. Cloud had downed several margaritas, courtesy of Zack, and had vanished about half an hour ago, while Zack been running around with a Shinra flag around his shoulders. If Sephiroth remembered correctly, Zack had been screaming something along the lines of, "I'm super Zack, fear my flappy cape of mako dooooooooom!" As if on cue, the raven haired man skidded into view, only now he didn't have the Shinra flag.

"Seph!" Zack yelled, "Hide me!"

"No," Sephiroth said bluntly as Zack ran towards him.

"What? Why?" the raven haired man stopped and tilted his head to the side.

"You spread Ukeroth; I have yet to forgive you. Or did you think you were sleeping on the couch alone for no reason?"

"But if you don't he'll get me."

"Who will get you?"

"ZAAAAAAAACK!" a voice screamed, "I WILL KILL YOU!"

"Oh," Sephiroth smirked, "He'll kill you."

"Hide me!" Zack squeaked and attempted to hide behind the silver haired man.

"WHERE IS HE?" Cloud stomped up to the table, the Shinra flag wrapped around his waist.

"Hiding behind me," Sephiroth shrugged, "Why are you wearing the Shinra flag?"

"Because dumb ass here," Cloud yanked Zack out from behind the silver haired man's back by the ear, "Decided to strip me when I was dazed from the booze he fed me. And then he lost my clothes!"

"I didn't lose them," Zack winced as the blond gave a rather forceful yank, "I just won't tell you where they are."

"Zack," Sephiroth sighed, "Where did you put Cloud's clothes?"

"I'm not telling. OW! That hurt Cloud!"

"Good," the blond snarled, "It was supposed to!"

"Cloud," Sephiroth smirked, "Feel free to take Zack's."

"Thank you, come on dumb ass," Cloud pulled the raven haired SOLDIER away.

"What was that about?" a soft voice asked from behind Sephiroth.

Turning to find Tseng standing behind him. "Do you really want to know?" the general asked.

"Probably not," the brunet answered, "But I'm afraid that I'll have to explain to the president why the second in command of his army is currently being manhandled by a cadet."

"Zack thought it would be funny to steal his lover's clothes and not tell him where they're hidden."

"Ah…I thought you were dating Commander Zack."

"I am," Sephiroth smirked, "But so is Cloud, and I am also dating Cloud. You know for a Turk you're a little behind on these things."

Tseng barely reacted, but Sephiroth didn't miss the slight twitch of the Turk commander's left eye. "Merely confirming information," the brunet snapped, well not snapped as a normal person would assume that it was only a slight annoyance in his voice, but for him to even allow that into his voice was as good as snapping.

The general just shrugged, "Whatever you say."

"SEPH! HELP, CLOUD'S GOING TO…"

"Perhaps you should go assist your second in command," Tseng suggested.

"He'll be fine," the silver haired man waved away the suggestion.

"GAH! DON'T TOUCH THAT!"

"You may be right though…" Sephiroth stood and headed towards the source of the loud cries. He found Zack in a headlock while Cloud removed his shirt; the blond was already wearing the first class's pants. With a sigh the silver haired man pulled the pair apart.