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Let Him In	By : GodOfInsanity Category: Final Fantasy VII > Yaoi - Male/Male > Cloud/Sephiroth Views: 2233 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I do not own Square Enix’s Final Fantasy 7 or its characters. Nor do I own Morrissey’s passage, either. I do not profit from any of it. I just had an itch to write this, so I did.

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Let Him In

Chapter warning(s): Language, Slight M/M Yaoi, Slight violence, Some angst, Amnesiac Sephiroth

“It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get.”-Confucius

[:+ + + + +:]

CH05: Abhorrence

There was nothing but heavy, tense silence for a span of several long minutes that felt like hours.
Sephiroth froze and did not move. As confused as he was, he was far from stupid. He had the barrel of a gun pressed hard against his skull and he knew (from watching television) that if he made a wrong move, something bad would happen.
Unable to bear it any longer, the silver-haired man calmly asked, “What do you want?”
It seemed to be the wrong thing to say because the gun was then shoved harder against his skull. The man, whoever he may be, spoke ever so quietly and evenly in such a way that nothing but a slight inflection in his voice betrayed everything he was feeling. A swirl of negative emotions and feelings radiated from the man to such a point that Sephiroth swore he could feel it poisoning him like some toxin. There were times he felt the same sort of things emitting from Cloud, but it was more subtle and it was usually very brief. It was never this intense and the blond had never sought to threaten or harm him in any way.
“You couldn’t stay dead, could you? You just had to come back. Haven’t you done enough already? No, apparently not. You had to come back, to come here and inflict more damage on him, on everyone. It will never end until this planet is destroyed, huh? Until you are a god?”
The green-eyed ex-General flinched at that. He could feel the heat behind the accusations and amidst all the confusion…it still hurt even though he didn’t understand. “I do not know what you are referring to.”
“Playing stupid? I’m not going to fall for your cheap ploy, Sephiroth.”
“…who are you?”
The man’s gloved hand gripped the gun harder and it almost shook with how irate he was. Normally someone that never lost his calm composure, he found it hard to keep it intact. He clung to his resolve as hard as he could. The man was just so angry, though. So bitter and pissed off. Imagine his unpleasant surprise and utter horror to come here and see Sephiroth standing there on Cloud’s property. But what was worse was Jenova’s little puppet was playing innocent. It was obviously another one of his sick games, another trick, but still, it was an insult nonetheless.
“I am the one who will pull the trigger. I should. I want to.”
“Then pull the trigger,” dared Sephiroth in a low voice.
The man wielding the gun was caught off his guard. That wasn’t what he was expecting to hear. He had expected to hear mockery dripping from Sephiroth’s voice. He had expected malice, disdain, hate, rage, disgust, and every other thing he and the others had come to associate with the madman. But not this. This was…unlike Sephiroth.
Sephiroth was operating on sheer instinct alone now. Since his mind offered nothing he could use in this situation, he would stick with what he felt. He would go with what felt right.
Noticing that the other man was temporarily distracted, the silver-haired male knew this was probably his only chance to take control of the situation before it got way out of hand.
Inhaling deeply, yet silently, Sephiroth then chose that very moment to smack the gun away from his skull. He whipped around quickly and lunged at the other man in a whirlwind of silver hair.
There was a violent, yet brief struggle.
A loud shot resounded throughout the previously silent and peaceful valley.
And then there was the heavy sound of a body thudding hard against the ground.

[:+ + + + +:]

Something was wrong. Cloud could feel it distinctly like goose bumps prickling all over his skin. The hair on the back of his neck rose up in response to the bad feeling.
Darting out of the shed with speed and agility, the blond had run out just in time to see two figures standing together. He couldn’t see them too clearly since they were too far away, but he could tell that one of them was Sephiroth.
There was a threat hanging in the air. He could actually feel that Seph was in mortal danger.
Swelling with the need to protect the amnesiac, Cloud sprinted towards the pair of men as fast as he possibly could. He ran and as he ran, he felt the sweet burn in his thighs. Just as he was halfway there, he heard a loud shot and then saw both bodies falling with a loud thump! against the ground.
Cloud’s chest felt so fucking tight that he couldn’t breathe. Dreading the scene before him, he felt numb from the shock as he kept running. No caring about oxygen or for his screaming muscles, he kept sprinting towards the fallen.
For the first time in his life, Cloud desperately hoped that Sephiroth was not dead.

[:+ + + + +:]
Cloud didn’t know what he had expected to find, well, that’s a lie. He knew what he had expected, but this was not it. This was…well, he could find no words to describe it.
Sephiroth had Vincent Valentine effectively pinned down to the ground. Each arm was held down tight right above Vincent’s head by the wrists. The rest of the former madman’s powerful body was pressed firmly against the other’s body to cease struggle. Sephiroth had positioned himself just right so that Vincent couldn’t throw him off or kick him in any shape or form. In other words, the dark-haired man was subdued…for now.
Vincent was at a loss for words and was frustrated as hell. No matter how hard he had struggled, he couldn’t throw Sephiroth off of him. He was too strong. What disturbed him most was that the silver-haired man seemed much more powerful now than he had been during the METEOR crisis.
Cerberus lay several feet away, alone and forgotten in the dirt.
“What is going on here?” Cloud heard himself asking while he stood there blinking. Whatever threat had loomed in the air was gone now. No one was seriously hurt and no one had been shot. He was relieved to know that. But…
In spite of his relief, Cloud felt something completely unexpected. He was…jealous. Jealous to see his Sephiroth on top of someone else. Touching and looking at someone else. As stupid as it was, he couldn’t help feeling it. He knew that the ex-General was merely restraining the gunslinger, but to his eyes, it inspired his neglected imagination. It made him think about how good the two looked together and how they looked perfect for one another. It was sickening.
The angelic, gorgeous face turned to look at Cloud. Those green eyes looked hard and angry until they saw the blond. As soon as he had looked at Cloud, all the bad feelings dissipated into nothing. “I do not know, Cloud.”
Cloud sighed, “Well, start with what happened…”
“He aimed a gun at my head and threatened to shoot me. He accused me of things I have not done. Of things I do not desire to do,” Sephiroth whispered. His voice wavered a bit from the stress and confusion of the perplexing situation. He honestly didn’t understand why he had been attacked by this stranger. The silver-haired man had done nothing wrong…or at least, that’s what he thought.
Vincent blinked. Instead of saying “What the fuck is going on here?!” like Cid or Barret would have done, he chose to remain silent in favor of observing Cloud and Sephiroth. He would do so until he had at least grasped a better understanding of what exactly was transpiring here.
The blond noticed a crimson stain on Sephiroth’s lips. Immediately alarmed, he quickly gestured for the man to approach him. “Come here, Seph. You’re bleeding. Let me look at it.”
No longer threatened by the gunslinger, Sephiroth rose without injuring Vincent or causing him further discomfort. He then obediently strode over to Cloud and stood in front of him as he waited patiently on the blond to inspect him.
Cloud gingerly touched Sephiroth’s lips and then sighed. “Your bottom lip is busted, but I think it’ll be OK, Seph. Are you hurt anywhere else?”
Sephiroth shook his head. If he had been a cat, he probably would have purred from all the attention he was receiving from the blond man. It didn’t help that he had green eyes with slits for pupils. If he grinned, he would probably greatly resemble a Cheshire cat.
“I’m relieved to know you’re all right, Seph. You scared me for a moment,” admitted Cloud, who stepped forward and closed the space between them. He encircled his arms around the taller man and embraced him tightly. He felt more than he saw Sephiroth’s arms returning the comforting embrace. It felt unbelievingly good to touch him after such a scare.
Cloud didn’t like losing people and in his life, he had lost a lot. He wasn’t willing to lose Sephiroth, too. In truth, he didn’t know if he could handle that. The man had been such an integral part of his life that whether it was centered on hate or love, Cloud could not get rid of him. Sephiroth was like a tattoo that branded Cloud’s soul with such unrelenting force and power.
Obsession was an understatement.
Vincent slowly sat up as he rubbed at his sore wrists. Both of his hands felt completely numb from the lack of circulation. He wasn’t too concerned about that, though. The crimson-eyed man was more concerned about the fact, (or maybe it was an illusion) that Cloud was hugging Sephiroth. This couldn’t be right…
The ex-Turk was at a loss for words. This made absolutely no sense to him. Why would Cloud embrace his enemy in such a way? The real Cloud would have confronted Sephiroth and struck him down. Ah, so maybe that’s it. The blond Buster sword wielder had been brain-washed and the homicidal maniac was using him like he was his little puppet. It wouldn’t be the first time.
Using stealth as his cover, Vincent smoothly stood up and located his gun. Picking up Cerberus, he then turned and aimed it right at Sephiroth with every intention of shooting him dead this time. “Cloud, get out of the way.”
Alarmed, Cloud released Sephiroth and quickly pushed the silver-haired man behind him in an effort to protect him. Holding his arms out in a defensive posture, the blond glared defiantly at his friend. “Lower the gun, Vincent.”
The attractive man clad in red and black lowered Cerberus a bit, but not completely. “You are being played, Cloud. I do not know what is going on, but it ends here and now.”
“You will not shoot him, Vincent. If you dare attempt to harm him, I will cut you down,” warned Cloud in a firm, cold sort of voice that proved he meant business. He meant every word of it, too, even though it stung him to have to stand up to one of his friends this way.
The ex-Turk said nothing in reply to that. He frowned as he tried to think of how to proceed from then on. Should he try to convince Cloud to see reason or should he disable the blond just so he could get to Sephiroth? No, he didn’t have the heart to hurt his friend since Cloud had been hurt enough as it was. But on a more logical note, it was fairly obvious that Vincent lacked the power to bring down Sephiroth. He knew the only one that could succeed in such an endeavor was Cloud.
“Vincent, I am your friend. Lower you gun and let’s talk. Can you do that? If Sephiroth was going to kill you, he would have done it already,” Cloud spoke calmly in his best effort to reason with his gunslinger friend.
Cloud had a point there. Sephiroth could have easily snapped his neck or worse, but he hadn’t. Instead of taking an insidious route, he had merely disarmed and pinned Vincent down. It would be better to first see what Cloud had to say and then he would judge for himself about what was really going on.
Lowering Cerberus, the ex-Turk tucked the gun safely away, but close enough that he could draw it easily and quickly if he had to. “Fair enough.”
“Cloud, who is that man?” Asked Sephiroth after he had studied the dark-haired male silently for a time. Since the threat had passed, he felt curious now about the dangerous stranger.
Cloud readily answered, “A friend of mine. His name is Vincent Valentine.”
“Why did he attack me?”
“I’ll tell you later. I want you to go wash up, all right?”
Sephiroth looked like he wanted to argue, but he refrained from doing so. He merely nodded at Cloud before coolly glancing at the dark-haired man. Then he turned and reluctantly headed towards the house.
“I know it’s weird, Vincent, but you’re going to have to trust me. I have a lot to tell you. It’s weird and some of it doesn’t make sense, but this is no trick. Think you have the time to listen?”
Vincent believed Cloud then. His instincts about people were usually right, especially when they were lying or telling the truth. He saw the old Cloud standing there and even though the situation was…odd, nothing actually seemed amiss here. Nodding, he replied, “Well, listening is what I do best. I’m listening…”

[:+ + + + +:]

The ex-Turk stood stock still for the entire hour that his friend took to explain everything. He did not interrupt even when he felt myriads of questions bubbling underneath the surface of his being. The only indication that he gave to Cloud to prove that he was actually actively listening was that he nodded curtly every once in awhile.
Cloud paced back and forth as he confided in his friend. Every now and then he would pull at his hair as he vented. He had surprisingly taken everything well enough in stride up to this point, but now that he had someone to talk to about it all, he suddenly realized how heavy this burden was. He was stressed, stressed to the point that he felt he was about to break.
Vincent didn’t fail to notice all the warning signs that Cloud exhibited. It was a good thing he had come when he had. He was relieved that he hadn’t decided to wait longer to pay his friend a visit. Something had been bugging him for weeks and he had chosen to finally act on his impulses. Being the wary person that he was, he was not one to act until he was completely certain.
The only option he could see was that his friend needed to have some alone time away from Sephiroth. He then quietly suggested, “Cloud, perhaps you should get away for awhile.”
The blond abruptly stopped pacing and stared at Vincent as if he had uttered something ridiculous.
“You’re kidding, right? I can’t just up and go whenever I feel like it!” Exclaimed Cloud in exasperation. He looked away then sighed as he ran the fingers of one hand through his short spiky hair and muttered, “At least not anymore…”
The ex-Turk was reluctant to voice his next idea, but he couldn’t see any other logical choice at the moment. “You could go on Fenrir and drive…wherever. I can stay here, if need be.”
“You are going to keep an eye on Seph,” deadpanned the blond as he gawked at the dark-haired man in bewilderment. He had never figured Vincent to be a babysitter and he wasn’t sure that was a good idea in the least. After all, Sephiroth and Vincent had just had a tussle. No one got seriously hurt, (thanks to Seph’s power and control) but still, it seemed like a bad idea.
“Yes, I will watch him,” confirmed Vincent with a slight nod of his head. His voice was as grave as his indifferent looking face.
“But you tried to kill him.”
The gunman could hardly see the point. He gestured to Cloud with his clawed hand and rebuffed, “As did you…from what you told me.”
Cloud sighed. His stealthy friend had a point. “If I agree to this, you swear you won’t hurt him or kill him?”
“You have my word, Cloud.”
The blond felt relieved and then slowly nodded his consent. He suddenly looked extremely weary and much older than he actually was.
The relief hastily retreated from Cloud’s features the moment he heard Vincent grimly state, “But if I see any trace of the Jenova influence over him, I will have to act accordingly.”
“I know.”
“Take as long as you need, Cloud.”
Cloud cracked a small smile as he replied, “Fine, I’ll be back in a week…”
Vincent shook his head. “That isn’t funny, Cloud…”

[:+ + + + +:]

Freshly showered and dressed in clean, neat attire, the ex-General stood in his room with the door slightly ajar. His eyes were closed as he leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. Even though Cloud and that Vincent person were in the study with the door closed, Sephiroth could still hear them. Just barely, though. He had to strain his ears and concentrate hard just to make out the words.
Sephiroth was far from thrilled. He wasn’t certain what to think about all the information he had just learned, but he knew he didn’t like the notion of Cloud driving off and leaving him alone in this house with that…that gun slinging madman.
Cloud had tried to kill him before? Why? Why did Cloud hate him? He didn’t remember ever doing anything to warrant such a…negative passion from the smaller male. And what was all this talk about Jenova and why did they both fear he was going to go insane and kill people?
It made absolutely no sense to him.
He felt fine and he didn’t want to do anything of that calamitous nature.
All Sephiroth wanted was to be near Cloud and that was it. There was nothing else he could think of that he wanted, but he wasn’t so sure now since…
The silver-haired man felt a sharp pang in his chest and an intense pain boiling in his upset stomach. He didn’t understand what was going on with his body and absentmindedly wondered if this was what dying felt like. All he knew was that he felt like shit.
Sephiroth’s head lowered and his damp hair fanned out around his face to shield it from view. He shuddered and his back slid down the wall until he was sitting down on the ground with his arms propped over his knees. He wasn’t aware that he was crying until a few droplets of salty liquid rolled off of his nose and hit the ground at his feet.
Blinking open his eyes, he gingerly touched his wet face with his fingertips in astonishment since this was the first time he had ever cried.
It felt…good and bad at the same time.
Sad thing was that if he could take his memories back from Cloud, he would then come to know that this was the first time in his entire life that he had ever shed tears.

[:+ + + + +:]

The blond warrior knocked on the partially open door and when he didn’t receive an answer, he pushed the door open and called out, “Seph?”
The larger man was still seated on the floor with his back to the wall. His face was half-buried in his arms and his hair shielded most of his visage. He did not bother to look at Cloud.
“Are you…mad?” The blond asked carefully after receiving no answer or recognition of any kind.
“…”
Cloud sighed. “You’re mad at me, then. Why?”
Sephiroth shrugged.
“Look at me,” commanded the blond in such a steely tone that left little room but to obey.
The taller male raised his head and looked up at the slighter man. It was exceedingly hard to face him and he didn’t know why. All he wanted right now was to be alone so that he could go through these…motions without an audience to witness his unexpected misery.
“You were…” trailed off Cloud as he stared at the sight of a visibly upset Sephiroth. It was fairly obvious that the man had been crying. Crying! Sephiroth had been crying. It was a hard thing to believe, yet at the same time, Cloud felt unrelenting sympathy for him.
Not being able to keep the eye contact any longer, Sephiroth looked away and glared at the ground. He didn’t understand why, but he felt a bizarre mix of anger, sorrow, disgust, and despair. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before.
Curious, mesmerized, and sympathetic, the blond carefully crept closer to the long-haired man. “You were…crying. Why were you crying?”
In a low, bitter voice, Sephiroth spat out, “You hate me.”
Slowly lowering himself down onto his knees, Cloud knelt in front of Sephiroth. Taking the other man’s face in both hands, he forced him to look him square in the eyes. In a voice firm and unyielding, he then declared, “Sephiroth, I do not hate you.”
“I heard you…you tried to kill me. You want me dead and so does this Vincent Valentine. You despise me for things I have not done. Things I do not remember doing,” snarled Sephiroth as he glared at Cloud. His somewhat slitted pupils became dilated since he was aroused with anger.
Cloud’s grip on Sephiroth’s face became rough as he dug his fingers into the man’s alabaster skin. His eyes looked hard and unforgiving as he glared back at the other man. “Listen to me and know what I say to be truth that I do not hate you. I didn’t try to kill you. It was him. I tried to kill him and I hated him. Not you. You may look like him, but you’re not him. I know that now.”
“Who…is he?”
The blond sighed and lessened his hold on the other man’s face when he had realized he was hurting him again. He rubbed soothing circles on the slightly reddened skin in his own way of apologizing. He was thankful that Sephiroth seemed to lack the ability to bruise. “That is very complicated, Seph. You used to be like him, but then he died, and you were reborn. You are his splitting image, but you are not the same as him. You are different.”
“What did he do?” Sephiroth asked halfheartedly in an attempt to understand in spite of the part of him that didn’t want to know. He was afraid to know.
Cloud sat back on his haunches and dropped his arms so that they were propped over his thighs. He had known that this conversation would take place someday. He had hoped it wouldn’t have come this soon, though. “He…went insane. Tried to destroy the planet and ended up killing a lot of people.”
“Why?”
“Because his ‘mother’ told him to. Like I said, it’s complicated. It’s hard to explain in words, Seph. I’d rather not try, to be honest. I think…I think that you’ll get all the answers you need in time. I believe you’ll remember everything when the time comes.”
Looking down at his hands and wondering just what they have done, Sephiroth then quietly inquired, “What if I don’t want to remember it?”
“I don’t think you have much of a choice, Seph. If it comes back, it comes back. Amnesia is usually temporary, but there have been cases in which the amnesiac never recovers his or her memory. I wouldn’t…well, I wouldn’t set my hopes to high, though.”
Sephiroth sighed and then stubbornly refuted, “That doesn’t change the fact that you hate me.”
Seriously? Cloud felt a sudden spark of anger ignite in him and before either of them knew it, he had bodily slammed into the larger man. Mere seconds later, he had grabbed Sephiroth by the face and without hesitation, Cloud had crushed his lips into Sephiroth’s partially opened lips. It wasn’t a violent kiss, yet it wasn’t exactly gentle, either.
In a passionate display fueled by every emotion and feeling that coursed through his being, Cloud kissed Sephiroth.
It only lasted about 10-15 seconds, but for all purposes, that had been enough. Parting for air and to get a word in, Cloud gazed into the other man’s stunned face. “I would never kiss him.”
“…” Silently staring back at the blond man in shock, Sephiroth almost felt numb. He felt…well, he didn’t know what he felt. It was all melted together to the point that he couldn’t tell any of his emotions apart from the other. He wasn’t sure what to think or feel about it all, but he did know one thing. He trusted Cloud and believed what he said to be true.
Sephiroth then closed his eyes and felt relief flood through him akin to the feeling of inhaling oxygen after holding his breath for too long. He was struck with a sudden clarification.
Cloud didn’t hate him.

[:+ + + + +:]

Anon-Thanks for clarifying that for me. I wasn't certain if you were being sarcastic or silly, but now I know. Thanks for the review! :)
Night XIV-Yeah, I update this story on aff.net and ff.net. ff.net’s document manager thingy is kind of retarded and will post chapters all in bold lettering so I have to edit it a few times to get it right. -_- Aff.net is so much easier to upload stories now. Also, you have guessed correctly, it seems. Anywho, thanks for reading and for the review. ^^
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Let Him In