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Drifting	By : NiaraAfforegate Category: Final Fantasy Games > Final Fantasy XIII-2 Views: 1980 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Chapter List
- 1-Drifting
- 2-Pt. 2
- 3-Pt. 3
- 4-Pt. 4
- 5-Pt. 5
- 6-Pt. 6
- 7-Pt. 7
- 5
- 6
- 7
====
It was later, after they had unravelled both of the paradoxes at Sunleth, dispersed the giant flan... and after Snow had... had disappeared, that the Historia Crux threw them both out, back into another pocket of the void beyond, outside of time and space. Serah sank to her knees as soon as the sense of gravity returned, and a glance around the desolate space robbed her what little will to move she still had. All of that, only to end up here, lost and adrift again. Her mind continued to dwell on everything that had happened in Sunleth, until she was startled by Noel's hand coming down into her lowered gaze.
“We can go back to the gate any time. Let's take a breather.” She looked up and took his hand with a quiet thanks. A part of her wanted to talk about it, about everything that was conflicting and hurting inside her, but a greater part just couldn't think of what to say, or how to start.
“Noel...” She knew he was listening, even as he searched around nearby. That he wasn't actively looking right at her made it easier, in a way. “Noel, you and Snow... The things you both said. You got so angry at him.” Beside her, she heard him sigh, and give up the scouting job. Here in the void, it was more a distraction than anything else, and they both knew it.
“Yeah... I'm sorry.” He slipped his weapons away, dropping down to sit on one of the many broken columns littering the area. Serah came to sit beside him, close enough that they touched, and she could rest her head on his shoulder if she wanted.
“It's not that...” She paused, taking a deep breath. “I feel as though, I have an idea why. But I want to know. I want to understand properly. You said you'd known people like Snow, but then you said that you hadn't been able to protect anyone. You.” Her hands were resting on her knees, and it was only a very small motion to shift on over to his instead. “I want to know what happened, Noel.” His shoulders slumped and he looked away, but she didn't relent. It felt as though, if he would share this with her, then talking about her own feelings would be easier. It was a long few moments before the boy answered.
“I got angry because I used to be just like him. I wanted to protect everyone around me, and keep everyone safe, but no matter what I did, no matter how many times I might have saved someone else from a monster, or provided for the few of us that remained, I just couldn't be everywhere, for everyone, all the time.” His voice was deep and heavy, and it sounded like he was warring against a tearful break, but he pushed on. “I was the last human, Serah... a guardian with no-one left to guard. A protector who had watched everyone he was supposed to protect, die, while he survived.” she did let herself lean against him now, resting her head down in an effort to comfort him. A small tilt of his head in return let him brush his cheek against her hair.
“It was more than that, though. There wasn't anything I could do about most of the people who died. Sickness, disease, poor conditions, not enough food. And Yeul...” she heard him swallow and grit his teeth for a moment, but held quiet despite the question that wanted to jump to her lips. “But there was one. One of my friends, a boy only a little younger than me. We were best mates, and I protected him from everything. He learned all the theory of how to look after himself, but I was so determined to protect and save, that he never got any real experience with it. Then one day, he went out on his own to hunt, and he never came back.” His voice cracked at last, and she felt the tension in his body as his fists clenched.
“It was my fault, Serah. My stupid fault, for trying to be everyone's hero.” She felt a tear splash onto her hand, heard him take a deeper breath trying to regain himself. It was a few seconds before he started again. “So yeah, I got mad. I see Snow doing exactly what I used to do, all cocky and self-sure, and I see him treating you like you're made of glass and needing protection, not wanting you to learn how to fight for yourself, or get stronger, because he's always going to be there for you anyway... Only, he isn't. He's not there for you at all, after all that, and I just couldn't bear the thought of the same thing happening to you. I know you love him, but all that time, it never really looked or felt like a two-way thing to me.” His voice had grown to a rush as he spoke, but he cut off sharply, as if realising he'd said too much. Maybe he had, or maybe not. Hearing Noel put voice to the subconscious worry she'd been feeling herself made it crash in on her a lot harder. This was her chance, really. If ever there was a right time to get her thoughts and feelings in order and talk to Noel about them, the silence that lingered now was it.
“I've been afraid.” She looked up at the black emptiness of the void, hoping for inspiration to give her the right words. “It had been so long, but then, seeing him again... it just hasn't felt the same. I've been doubting myself. It seems like a lifetime ago now, the time when Snow and I were together and in love, and he hasn't changed at all, but, something was different.” He had been distant and colder, true, and had treated her like his best friend, not his lover, but she had responded in the same way, when all said and done. Noel was looking at her now, his features soft after he'd dried his own eyes.
“You don't know if you still love him, like you did before?” She licked her lips, hesitating over the question.
“I... care about him, a lot. Yes I love him, but not like...” Not like she was beginning to feel for Noel, her mind supplied suddenly, and she caught her breath. How would he respond, if she said that bit out loud?
“More like the way you love your sister, Lightning?” She understood what he meant, but the question forced a crimson blush to her cheeks as she fumbled for an answer. As one sibling loves another might have been a good way to describe how she was feeling to Snow, but that was a very different thing from her and Lightning. Goddess, how was she going to explain that?
“Ah, well, not... not exactly. But, more like... like I love Lebreau, and Maqui and Yuj, you know?”
“That seems like quite a step down, from fiance. Uh, no offence.”
“Three years is a long time, I guess.” The more she spoke, the easier it seemed to get. More thoughts welled up and she felt her eyes prickle.
“It feels like we haven't really been together at all, since before I got turned to crystal, and even then, we hadn't really been seeing each other for all that long. We were only, ah, intimate the one time, before we both agreed we had to tell Lightning it was serious, first, and he only proposed to me after I'd been branded, so we knew it wouldn't last... and his thing with Lightning, before, lasted longer than that, and that was really short...” The words spilled out, one thought on top of the next, while Noel's expression grew from concerned to startled at the various revelations. “I never doubted him, but then he got so caught up on getting Lightning's approval, and having to go find her and bring her back, before we could be together or do anything, and I wondered. Everyone told me all about how devoted to saving me he was, while I was crystal, how determined and dedicated, but then we were together, and suddenly it was on hold... and now, he'll tell people how much he loves me, and he'll spend years away, fighting and searching, and say it's for me, but, then I'm here in front of him, and he won't even touch me, or hold me, or tell me he loves me, or that he's missed me. He barely looked at me. It's like... like...” She'd worked herself into a state, short on breath now, with her cheeks flushed and tears in her eyes. “It's like he's in love with his personal idea of me, off on shelf in his mind, as a goal to work towards... but not with me, the real me, in front of him, at all. Even when he was fading away... we don't even know what was going on.. I don't even know if he's still alive anymore, anywhere, but, he wouldn't... wouldn't...” Her voice faltered, and she shook with held-back sobs. Noel's arm wrapped around her shoulder and she leaned in. she could feel his cheek on her hair again, brushing slowly.
“You had to hug him from behind, because he was too busy striking a pose to pay attention to you in the last moments. I saw.” If she had expected to hear bitterness from Noel, all there was in his voice was sadness. It was a while before her tears slowed, with Noel rubbing her back gently. He spoke as she drew deeper breaths and composed herself.
“Even if I got mad, I can tell that Snow is a good guy, and he means the best. I know he would never deliberately hurt you, or do anything to cause you pain, so if he was distant, he must have had a reason. A reason that he thought was more important, and better for you, than being affectionate.” It was a kind thing to say, but she knew that Noel's only exposure to Snow had been those two brief meetings in Sunleth. He was being optimistic of Snow, though, and she wanted to believe him.
“What could be a reason that would make it better for him to be so cold?” She sniffed, then sighed, embarrassed at herself for getting into such a mess in the first place. Noel looked down.
“At the end, when he told me to take good care of you... The way he said it. It sounded, well, very final.” She looked up to him, not wanting to take the meaning form his words that she knew was there.
“You mean...?”
“As we fix the time-line and resolve the paradoxes we change history, the future and the past, all the way up and down the timeline. Some things change, some things get re-written... and some things may even get wiped away, and have never existed.”
“But, if we were never going to see each other again... if he knew, then...”
“He probably did know. He said his time was up. Serah, tell me... the Snow you know; if he knew that something had to be done, for the good of everyone else, but it would cost him his life... he'd do it, without hesitation, am I right?” She could only nod. “And if he knew if was something you had to do, but if you knew what it would cost him, you might not do it?” Her shoulders hunched in and she hugged herself, despite Noel's comforting arm.
“He wouldn't tell me.” She drew a shuddering breath, still not quite sure how to accept it. “You think he was distant, because he knew that our reunion was going to end in goodbye?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe he knew we were over, and didn't want to start any fires, so I could move on without feeling bad?” It was possible. Snow had never been the jealous type, after all, and looking back it was far easier, now, to see the uncomfortable rivalry between him and Noel more as testing than anything else. Had he been so focused on Noel, because he wanted to make sure of him? Telling Noel to take care of her like that, at the end... it began to look more and more like giving his blessing.
“Move on?” Noel's voice sounded a little uncertain, and Serah turned, reaching across to wrap her arm about his shoulder and press her chest to his in an, admittedly slightly awkward, hug to make herself clear. She felt him flinch slightly, at first, then relax and reposition his arms to embrace her properly. She also felt his heart beat against her chest, climbing rapidly at her embrace.
“Hey Noel...” Holding him, her voice was a quiet whisper by his ear. “You're trying to change your fate, too, but, if we save everyone, and re-write history, the future you're from... It won't happen.” She felt him nod.
“If we make a brighter future, it may well be one where I was never born. I'm ok with that. There's too much sadness, in my future, so I'd rather see a better world for everyone, than doom them all fretting about myself.” He laughed softly. “I guess I'm not as different from Snow as I like to think.” On instinct, her fingers gripped at his shoulders more tightly.
“I don't want you to disappear. I don't think I could handle losing you too, not now.” One of the arms hugging her rose up to stroke softly in the hair at the back of her head. Noel's answer was quiet, and surprisingly serious.
“I don't want to lose you either, Serah. But we both know that the fate of the world is bigger than the two of us. If... If you knew there was a risk that doing this would kill you, would you still go forward?” She found herself nodding.
“You're right. We have to do what we can, with whatever time we have. What was that you said before? Live in the moment?” The words led to an impulse, and maybe it was because of the emotional state she was already in, or maybe it was imply the right time, but she acted on it without hesitation. Her head turned and she placed a long, slow kiss against his neck, leaving no illusions at all about the nature of the gesture. Her reward was the sound of him drawing a sharp breath, and going tense again.
“If I'm going to live in the moment, then, maybe we could find somewhere more comfortable?” In her mind, propositions didn't really get any more direct than that, and she could feel a fast thump in Noel's chest. When she pulled back, he was blushing brightly. Goddess, it hadn't even occurred to her to ask if he actually wanted what she did. Surely... he'd have asked her to stop before, though, if he didn't ? Suddenly waiting for his response seemed like agony. His eyes looked more nervous than she ever recalled seeing them, but after a moment he swallowed, trying to find his voice.
“I.. I think I'd, uh, like that.” It was all she could do not to sag with relief as he answered, then, biting her lip, stood again, taking his hand. Come to think of it, where exactly was 'more comfortable' in a cold, dead void made of empty space and stones? Instead she found herself leading Noel back towards the rift, and he chuckled, still a little anxious.
“Anywhere better than this place, I guess?” She nodded and grinned back as the rift took them.
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- 5
- 6
- 7
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Drifting