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One (Last) Chance	By : RotSeele Category: Final Fantasy VIII > Yaoi - Male/Male > Seifer/Squall Views: 3719 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 8. I do not make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Six - Seifer POV

I’d stayed up practically the whole night thinking about what Squall had told me. Had I not known the Ice Prince the way I did, I would’ve thought he’d gone crazy and I’d have laughed him right out of the secret place. I would’ve probably still been laughing even as Quistis came to collect me for my punishment. But I knew Squall too well. He had never lied to me before. I don’t think he knew how to lie. More than paying attention to his words, I’d paid attention to his body language. For all the silence he cloaks himself in, I’m surprised he’s never realized how much his body speaks for him. As he’d progressed through the story, his body had tensed and relaxed and had made other minute movements that I doubted Squall knew he made. They were all genuine movements, all genuine reactions to anger, sadness, fear, joy.
...I realized then that I’d never seen Squall truly happy.
I knew he’d left out plenty of details, but I was sure, if we were going to be re-living his past, living our present and future, those little details would be filled in. I’d trusted him before; I had to trust him now. I also intended to prod him about his relationship with Rinoa. When he’d talked about her becoming a sorceress, his voice had hitched a little bit. I could tell he knew that Rinoa and I had dated for a little bit last year. What he didn’t know was that I’d called it off before it got too serious. I’d learned (quickly) that Rinoa wasn’t the dolt she portrayed herself to be. After getting what I’d wanted from her, she’d backed me into a corner and gotten my promise to take her to see Cid. She could be shrewd when she wanted to be, and knew how to play the game, even if the people who followed her were complete morons.
Time to get moving, I told myself. I got out of bed and showered, dressing with care. I still wore my standard white coat, blue cross shirt, dark pants, and combat boots, but I made sure I had a presentable image. While I wasn’t a SeeD, I’d be traveling with them, and I needed to look the part in case anyone outside of Squall questioned my presence.
I dodged Quistis and the Garden staff with her and headed down the private SeeD dorms. I doubted even Squall would be up this early. I’d purposefully chosen to get up now to keep Raijin and Fujin from following me. I felt bad about leaving them behind without telling them why, but I wanted to protect them. I chuckled to myself, but it had a bitter tone to it. Wasn’t I doing exactly what Squall was? I shook my head and pushed it to the back of my mind to deal with later.
As I reached the private dorms, I could hear Selphie yelling, “Squall, it’s our first SeeD mission! Looks like we’re going to Timber. Meet by the front gate. Hurry!”
I ducked behind a pillar as Selphie skipped by, dressed in a garish yellow sundress. I shook my head and moved to stand before Squall’s door. I knocked once to be polite, then tried to enter. My face nearly collided with the door.
“Squall, did you lock your door?” I growled, banging my fist on the portal.
It slid open, revealing the Ice Prince. Squall stared up at me with his stormy blue-grey eyes, framed by those unruly locks of brown hair. He was dressed in his usual black, white fur, and belts. Lion Heart was carefully sheathed by his side. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve described his expression as pleasantly shocked.
Then he said, “People have a tendency to let themselves in.”
He didn’t say any more. He didn’t have to. I’d seen the scar left by the icicle, so I knew what kind of reaction people would have if they walked in on him and realized future-Squall had taken the place of the Squall they thought they knew.
He brushed by me and hesitated, a silent command for me to follow him. I did, smirking the whole while. I caught the stares of students as we walked by them, each of their faces filled with shock. I had to wonder then, what kind of damage could Squall and I do together? According to him, we’d wrought incredible destruction fighting each other, but what if we fought alongside each other? I was about to find out.
When we reached the front gate, I could see Selphie, Cid, and a Garden faculty member. The latter seemed impatient, tapping his foot as he continuously stared at his watch. Selphie gaped when she saw me following Squall, and the headmaster seemed to be completely flabbergasted. He quickly approached us, huff-puffing as fast as he could to stop us before we reached the rest of the team.
“Squall, what is the meaning of this?” Cid asked, looking from me to Squall and back again. “You know he’s supposed to be in detention.”
“I know.”
“Then why is he here?”
“Because I need him.”
“What?”
I glanced at Squall, noticing how his face became stone still as he regarded Cid. Squall inclined his head a little, and I saw in him the Commander Leonhart he’d told me he’d become. “Seifer is the most knowledgeable about Timber. It would be foolish of me not to take such a valuable asset. Besides that, I know that he introduced you to the girl whose request you accepted.”
Leave it to Squall to hamstring someone with words rather than a weapon. Cid looked somewhere between incredibly scared and impressed. Cid glanced to me, frowning. “And you, Seifer? This goes against all Garden rules and regulations to allow a non-SeeD on a SeeD mission. You must obey your leader at all times, and complete the mission by whatever means available. Based on your previous records-“
I cut him off with a wave. “Based on my previous records, I’m not worth shit as a SeeD. But I can follow orders. I can complete the mission. If I couldn’t, Squall wouldn’t be bringing me.”
Squall glanced at me, about the only break in his emotionless facade. I was lying out of my ass, and we both knew it. The real reason I was coming along was so that Squall could keep an eye on me and I could be happy about it. He knew I wouldn’t have been able to stay in that confinement room, or even to stay behind at Garden. I would’ve followed. I would be reckless. I would put everything Squall was working to save in danger.
Cid still didn’t look convinced. He turned to regard Squall again. “Squall, this is completely unprecedented.”
“Headmaster, trust me when I say I need the best. And despite records, Seifer is the best.”
I carefully kept myself from reacting. A compliment from Squall was like water in the desert. It didn’t happen often.
“I will take full responsibility for him, Headmaster.” Squall continued. “He can only be an asset to this mission.”
Whatever answer Cid was going to give was drowned out as a humming noise filled the air. I glanced toward the Garden and watched with wry amusement as Zell leaped over them on a T-board, quickly racing toward us. He stopped short when he saw me, his mouth falling open in shock.
“T-Boards are prohibited within Garden.” snapped the Garden faculty member. “Have you forgotten?”
Zell tore his gaze away from me and stared at the robed man. “Oops, sorry! But this is really cool. It may come in handy on a SeeD mission someday. And what is he doing here?” Zell pointed right at me, alerting the Garden staff member to my presence at last.
Before the Garden staff could order me to be arrested, Squall stepped forward and grabbed Zell’s T-Board. “He is here because I want him to be.”
“What? Hey! Give that back!” Zell reached for his board, but the Garden staff member grabbed it from Squall’s hands and pulled it close to him, stopping Zell’s grab.
“Confiscate this.” growled the staff. He handed it to another robed Garden faculty member, and I waved bye-bye to the T-Board just to see Zell’s glower of absolute hatred toward me. Then the Garden faculty member turned to me and said, “You are not supposed to be here. You are not a SeeD.”
Squall’s expression became dark. I doubted he’d expected it to be this difficult to get my ass on his team. I kept my mouth shut, though, which seemed to startle everyone but Squall. The Ice Prince stepped forward, and for a minute I thought Bahamut was going to make another appearance. Instead, Squall saluted the Faculty member and said, “He may not be a SeeD, but I feel he would benefit from seeing SeeDs in action and working closely with them. If you’re uncertain about my ability to control him, then please say so.”
So I can tell you to fuck off. Was left unspoken. Heard, if I could read the Garden faculty’s expression correctly, but unspoken.
“I don’t see a problem with it.” Cid said, clasping his hands behind his back. “It’s a sound plan, if you think carefully about it.”
I held in my laugh. Of course it was a sound plan! It got me out of Garden, so that these idiots wouldn’t have to babysit me, and it kept me in good hands. The Garden faculty seemed about to argue, but after a minute, relented, and waved his hand in dismissal.
“As you wish.”
Cid approached all of us then. “Well, about your first mission... You are to go to Timber. There, you will be supporting a resistance faction. That is your mission. A member of the faction will contact you at Timber Station.”
“This person will talk to you and say, ‘The forests of Timber sure have changed’.” the Garden faculty member growled. “At this time, you must reply ‘But the owls are still around’. That is the password.”
Cid smiled kindly. “Just follow the faction’s orders.”
Zell glanced between all of us, and swallowed hard. “Uh... Just us three? And him?”
“Correct. We have agreed to do this mission for very little money. Normally, we would never accept such requests, but...” the Garden faculty member trailed off. I noticed Squall was glaring at him.
Cid shook his head. “Enough talk about that. Well then, Squall, you are the squad leader. Use your best judgment based on the situation. Zell, Selphie, and Seifer, you are to support Squall and give your all to carry out the faction’s plans.”
Just like that, we were dismissed. I waited until Zell and Selphie had headed out of the gate before asking Squall, “You were acting like the leader before he even gave you the position.”
“I was being assertive.” Squall said, but he sounded uncertain.
“You’re really serious about protecting me, aren’t you?”
He looked up at me, his expression unreadable. He looked away then and said, “I’m not sure who I’m protecting anymore.”
I blinked, confused. “Squall?”
“Is it me? Or is it you? Is it the both of us?” Squall answered my question with a question, returning my gaze for a minute. “You said something that made me think last night, and now, beyond knowing I don’t want to lose you again, I’m not sure if I’m protecting you or me.”
Since he walked away without waiting for me to answer, or make a witty comeback, I figured it was his silent way of telling me to let him talk and not make a big deal out of it. Only I couldn’t help but make a big deal out of it. The problem was, I’d made my promise to see this out to the end, whatever may come, and Squall was the only one who really knew what was going to happen.
I followed, watching Squall’s back the entire time.
We entered Balamb and headed to the train station. Squall really wasn’t wasting any time. Once we were on board, he moved to the console and opened the door with the ticket before Selphie headed toward the door. I watched her face light up as the door opened for her, and she headed into the hall beyond, grinning widely. Zell gave me one last glare before following her. That left Squall and me alone. It was starting to become a routine neither of us seemed to be very pleased with.
“Come on.” I said, leading the way into the next car. “I want to get the better seat.”
Squall said nothing, but he was right behind me. We entered the private cabin for SeeD, closely followed by Zell and Selphie. I let out a soft whistle and looked at Squall. “Pays to be a SeeD, doesn’t it?”
“Don’t get used to it.” Squall replied, his voice low.
I turned to find him already settled on the couch, his head back against the cushion and his eyes closed, as if he were about to take a nap. I was about to question him when Selphie began to sway.
“I’m not... feeling well...” she whimpered.
I raised a brow. “You should get some rest if you’re tired.”
She looked at me with that sleepy-kitten expression, as if she couldn’t comprehend that I’d just been nice to her. Then she smiled. “I’m really sleepy...”
“You okay?” Zell asked. It wasn’t lost on me that Squall had been eerily silent throughout this whole exchange. Selphie moved to the couch and curled up there, giving a wide yawn. A second later, the hyperactive chatterbox was passing out as well, collapsing on the couch.
The room got too quiet.
There was nothing else I could do except watch everyone sleep. I sat on the couch beside Squall, telling myself it was because I didn’t want to keep standing, and telling myself I didn’t want to get anywhere near the Chicken-wuss and Ms. Sunshine-All-The-Time. I almost believed myself too. I sat back against the cushion and took the opportunity to study Squall. Now that I looked closely, I could see the subtle differences of this Squall versus the Squall I’d given that scar to a day or so ago. There were dark circles under Squall’s eyes, proving that he hadn’t slept. There was a tenseness to his body even in sleep that told me he found it hard to relax. And his words kept playing over and over in my head, combining with the story he’d told me and my own dreams and desires.
I couldn’t remember my childhood, but I knew it hadn’t been a good one. I hadn’t made friends easily. The ones I had didn’t stick around. Mostly it was my fault, but I always blamed them because I couldn’t handle being the one to drive them away. It was after I’d been shipped off to Garden that I’d seen the old show on television, about the honorable knight protecting the princess. That knight became my idol. He was strong and kind, charismatic and cool. He could do no wrong. Living a life like that, that was my romantic dream. I wanted to be someone’s knight. I trained hard to become what I thought a knight needed to be. Always afterward, I’d realize I’d let my temper and ego get the better of me in a situation I believed firmly I had to prove myself in. Just like when I’d fought Squall and gave him his scar. I really wasn’t sure what I’d been trying to do then. I sure as hell wasn’t trying to kill him, but I could see how much better he’d gotten. Better, because of me. Because of all the hours we’d trained together. He was everything I couldn’t be and I was...
Jealous.
The train rocked suddenly and Squall slid from his position into my lap. I froze, expecting him to wake up at a minute, but he didn’t move.
I relaxed and allowed myself to study him more. I remembered the day I saw him for the first time, in our weapons class. He was so small, so pale, so frail, and utterly silent. And then, to everyone’s surprise, he’d picked the gunblade to learn. Just like me. I wondered for the first time, if I hadn’t started picking on him, if we could have been friends. If we had worked together from the beginning, would there have been a reason for him to travel all the way back here to change history? I shook my head and blew out a sigh. No use thinking about that now.
One brown lock of hair had slid over his closed eyes. Despite myself, I reached to brush it back and studied his face in sleep.
Hyne, this man was beautiful.
I closed my eyes tight as I thought that. It was no great secret to the world that Squall defied the boundaries of natural beauty. It was one of the reasons that got the crap beat out of him before he’d earned himself the reputation of being my sparring partner. My reputation protected him by default. I made him stronger by sparring with him. He was what I’d - and the world we lived in - forged him to be. I was no different. Maybe after spending so much time with him, I was immune to it, but now that I was able to study him like this, knowing what he was here for, knowing what he was trying to do, for me...
I blew out another sigh. I opened my eyes and stroked his cheek with my gloved thumb.
I liked to think of myself as equal opportunity, even though most of my experience has been with women. There was just something alluring about their soft curves and quiet voices that I liked. But since meeting, dating, and subsequently breaking up with, Rinoa, I hadn’t sought out comfort in anyone’s arms - instead, I’d turned all my frustration outward, toward everyone in school, even on Fujin and Raijin, until I was able to leash it. Was I upset about the break-up? No. I could answer that one honestly. I wasn’t sure why I’d suddenly gotten so angry at the world. Maybe it was because nothing had gone my way. Maybe it was because I could never really hold on to anything I cared about.
But here was my second chance. Well, my first chance. My chance to prove I wasn’t what everyone believed me to be. Squall was my chance. When Squall said he didn’t want to lose me again, I read between the lines. He may not have thought anything of it, but his body language had expressed more for him than his face or words ever would. But I wanted to be sure. And to be sure, I had to ask him.
Zell began to stir. I leaned back and braced my arms on the back of the couch, making it look like I hadn’t felt like moving Squall from his current position. When Zell woke, he glanced around as if he was confused, then looked at me and glowered. As he picked himself up, Selphie was waking up.
The automated voice of the train announced, “Next stop, Timber... Timber... Next stop, Timber.... Timber...”
Squall stirred, and he was soon pushing himself up off my lap. He glanced at me in confusion, but I only smirked at him and lifted my shoulders in a shrug. He narrowed his eyes slightly, but it wasn’t a malicious glare. It was his confused expression, as if he were trying to divine my thoughts. You’re not gonna get anything out of me, Squally-boy. I thought. Not until I want you to know anything.
“I had such a nice dream!” Selphie was saying, her voice holding a dreamy quality.
Squall snorted, about as close to a laugh as he ever got. I raised my brow and looked at him. He shook his head, his way of telling me he’d explain later. I figured it had something to do with the girl Ellone, so I kept my mouth shut. No need to go opening a can of worms Squall didn’t want open.
“We will be arriving in Timber shortly.” announced the automated voice. “For those getting off, please be sure to have all your belongings.”
“But, seriously,” gushed Selphie, “Sir Laguna was sooo cool!”
Zell rounded on Selphie almost immediately. “Hey! There was a Laguna in my dream, too! He’s a Galbadian soldier, right!?”
As one they turned to Squall, staring at him with wide eyes. I imagined Squall’s expression was appropriate for being stared at by two hyperactive monkeys prepared to leap upon the huge banana. Squall folded his arms over his chest, his sole defensive position. “Laguna, Kiros, and Ward.” he said. “We all had the same dream.”
Zell and Selphie began talking at once, asking questions, nearly shouting over one another to be heard. I rose suddenly and stretched instead of turning toward them, but my movement had the desired effect. They shut up immediately. I smirked. “Well, I didn’t have the dream, so all I saw were three lazy SeeDs getting in some beauty rest before heading off to their first mission.”
Squall glowered at me, faintly amused, but Zell became incensed. “Hey!” he said, poking me in the chest with his finger. “Just because Squall said you could tag along doesn’t give you the right to make fun of us! We outrank you!”
“You just have a few fancy letters giving you a license to kill for money.” I replied. “It takes more than that to be a SeeD.”
“Yeah, how would a failure like you know?”
“Zell, enough.” Selphie grabbed Zell’s arm, trying to pull him away from me. “He’s here to help.”
She pulled Zell from the cabin, saying soothing and calming things to him. I watched them go, smirking. Squall wiped that smirk right off my face when he shoved me back on to the couch, leaning in with his hand over my throat, not quite choking, but threatening to with the light pressure.
“I expect you to work with them,” Squall said lowly, his voice almost threatening, “not antagonize them.”
I held up my hands in surrender. “He makes it so easy.”
“Seifer.” There was exasperation in his voice. He released my throat but didn’t move back so I could get up. “I don’t know why you have to act like this, but please... I know you’re better than this.”
With that, he left the cabin. I sat where I was a heartbeat longer, remembering the strength hidden in that slight body. After I decided I was settled enough, I got up and followed the others off the train, into Timber Station.
- 5
- 6
- 7
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One (Last) Chance