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A Break in Character	By : Resting-Madness Category: Final Fantasy VIII > Yaoi - Male/Male > Irvine/Squall Views: 919 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or setting of the Final Fantasy VIII universe and make no money from this work of fan fiction. It's all for fun.

Chapter List
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Squall blinked himself awake. His eyelids are heavy and sticky. He actually feels sticky all over. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he looked around in the red glow of the vehicle for the culprit. He leaned over to the temperature knob of the tiny heating lamp and turned the output to a lower setting. Galbadians may be able to withstand an inferno, but not the rest of the planet above the equator and to the East. Tugging his sweater repeatedly to dispel the heat from his body, he almost removed the item of clothing but kept it on as a sudden need caught him. Irvine is out cold, or possibly passed out from a blissful heat stroke, who could say. But Squall had to leave the sleeping beauty to tend to personal matters.
Tugging on his coat, he climbed out of the large car after his feet were securely in his boots. Trudging through the crunching snow he found a bush to unzip before. 'Hyne. I hate doing this in cold weather.' Was his sparse apology to his gender. But, when nature calls man must answer and obey. He looked over his shoulder when the slam of a car door breached the near silent atmosphere. "Shit." He muttered; forcing the pressure of his stream along to finish up, the suddenly body-shy Balamb-lion zipped up right before a strong but thin pair of arms wrapped around his shoulders.
"Nice spot? I need to go too." Irvine asked before stepping off beside the commander to relieve himself.
Squall, though he did glance, stepped away to give Irvine the privacy he'd had. His wander back to the car paused as he looked up at the big glowing moon in the near dawn sky. He'd heard a rumor as a kid that wishing on the moon would sort of give you a little curse, but he doesn't believe that stuff. He only wanted something big to hear him, and a little star is not even close to the mass of the moon.
'Even if it's just as friends.. I really like Irvine, so keep me from screwing that up.' He knows his type.
The brooder. It seemed only a persona last year when the emotions were eating away at him, but the Guardian Forces vanished the reasons why the emotions were there. Although the new junctioning systems are working to change that frightful "glitch", as they referenced it, it's still hard for many cadets to forgive the ethereal beings and trust them again.
Squall will use them when need be. He wants to protect what he loves and cares for. Those unbreakable bonds that seem deathless, even if he's forgotten them in some areas. But still, no one likes the sort of person that comes off as always-in-their-head for very long. But would Irvine care for Squall's true self? A little bit of a worrier. A hefty man of need. Someone with a 'lead me' mentality but has to take charge because of issues with trusting that the job will be done efficiently by others. It seemed unlikely. Irvine is kind, considerate, alright, so he's got a bit of a perverted and flirtatious side but, it's endearing. He'd never put up with the opposite attraction for long. However.. that could just be Squall's worrier side speaking.
"Alley-oop." Irvine said whilst scooping Squall up into his arms bridal style. With a smile, Irvine says. "You're a lot lighter than you look."
Squall rolled his eyes. "Put me down, Kinneas."
"Make me."
Back in the car a short walk later, Irvine is putting the band back around his hair. "You're vicious." He commented. He lowered his hands once the brief home-salon trip was over. "Look for me, is my eye bleeding?"
"You said "Make me", it was a direct command." Squall shrugged out his hand.
"Pinching, hair pulling, eye gouging, but the real winner was the jabs to the naval." He snickered and rubbed his stomach. "You have a really cute side, you know that?"
'Cute?' Squall mused.
"Just when I don't think you're gonna take things seriously, you flip the script." Irvine lowered his humor and admitted. "Like how I thought maybe you didn't wanna come with me. That you'd see it as too much for friendship. But here you are."
"...I was hesitant. I thought we'd be doing something too volatile that could compromise what's between us.. The situation is pretty charged." Squall believed even Irvine had to admit that much. It can't just be Squall feeling the charge in the air.
"We can ignore it."
"Yeah. But.. maybe we're just screwing ourselves up by that. This isn't one-sided... If we have an attraction to each other let's just go for it."
"You mean it?"
Squall damn sure meant it. And like the predator he so admires, he pounced upon his prey!
Squall took in a deep wakefulness breath of air. What time was it? What happened? Did he and Irvine have sex?! With his body still heavy with sleep paralysis, he sat up and looked about in a daze. 'I was dreaming? That makes sense.' Mimicking his movement from the dream, he tugged his sweater repeatedly to dispel the heat from his body. Slipping his feet into his boots, he was out of the vehicle and set off towards a useful bush.
Noticing that there was no yellow evidence from hours earlier, Squall knew then that he really had been dreaming. As he righted his undergarments and jeans, he wondered if that was a good or bad thing. It cleared the air between them to just face the fear and go for it. But, it let him off the hook about moving too quickly. Falling too suddenly for someone who will be gone from him after today and a bit of tomorrow. Oh, he doesn't like that one bit.
'Damn them. Galbadia couldn't take two more months aside for repairs and faculty gathering?'
He's never gonna get this feeling out of himself now. He doesn't even know what it is! Love? Lust? A combination of the two? Is there a third choice? One with a better outcome for both him and Irvine. Because Irvine has to be in a tailspin too. He said he likes him. That he was disappointed that they can't date. His foot steps pause. Looking up at the bright blue sky, sunny but it's too cold to penetrate some warmth, he thinks about that. The pros and cons. The list didn't seem to change, one was always ruling over the other. Pros. He would be able to feel something he never knew he wanted until that night at Fisherman's Horizon. Not sex, but love. A relationship. Irvine confessing to him awoke something he didn't want to admit was there, which is that he'd taken an interest in the sniper by listening to him.
Con. Life is complicated enough. Why add romantic feelings into it?
On the move, he slowed his pace as if to stall himself from the confrontation in his head, because the person he wants to have words with just exited the back of the SUV. He either didn't notice Squall or had no reason to say anything despite seeing him. Irvine simply walked to the front of the car climbing into the driver's seat. Squall walked up to the vehicle and peaked in back. Their sleeping bags were rolled up and put away, the heating lamp off and ticked beneath the seat. He noticed that the cooler had been moved, as well. Looks like it's gonna be snack foods for breakfast. He hadn't ate like a ratty younger teenager since he was thirteen, and he and Seifer and Zell were on that expedition session. All the cadets were given teams for a lesson in surviving the wild. Scavenging for food happened when they were fifteen. At thirteen it was best not to make parents worry.
Squall joined Irvine in the front area passenger's seat. He fixed his seat belt around him, then sat back. He's ready to submit to whatever, and just enjoy the little getaway.
"Timber or Dollet?"
Squall grimaced at Timber. "For what?"
"Breakfast. If we take the tunnel we'll end up at either of them."
"Dollet."
The car went on ahead instead of turning left. The tunnels were originally just for trains, but as time passed roads were made for cars to pass through Balamb along the trails of the large transporters. It seemed fair since submarines and boats weren't always available for entering and exiting the island.
The view is spectacular by car. You can get glimpses of marine life drifting around outside of the large clear tubing. There's also a long strip of orange lights for night travels and through storms. All safety measures were met in the design and development. It's serene.
"Wanna play a word game?"
"Which one?" Why fight it? Squall decided already he'd do whatever. Be led. He won't spoil the mood.
"Uummm.. Do you still know how to play 'Nonsense'?"
Squall was sure he's heard that somewhere before, but his mind was drawing a blank. He shrugged his shoulder. "You'll have to refresh my memory."
"Selphie came up with it when we were kids, it was after she'd misheard Matron, but she replied anyway. We were all laughing, and the game was eventually born."
He explained that they ask each other questions, but the answer can't make sense. Simple. It figured, since it was a game Selphie thought up. It was cute. Ridiculous. And entertaining. Just like the spunky girl. Squall could play in his sleep.
"What's your favorite pizza topping?" Irvine asked.
"Whatever." Wait a minute.
"Uh, uh, uh, that makes sense. That's one item."
They are playing for dishes. Whoever gets it wrong has to pay for a breakfast item for them.
"I didn't realize it until it came out." Defended Squall. So much playing in his sleep, he can't even play alert.
"You have a second to think, "whatever" won't save you. I've been made aware of you go-to thanks to Quisty."
Oh fine. Quistis is talking about him. But, so too is Irvine asking about him. And that he doesn't mind. He kind of thought 'out of sight, out of mind' with the lax sniper. He needs people, but he is also a loner. They have many traits in common in some fields of personality. He realized that he liked being thought of and asked about. He'd do the same about Irvine, if he was anyone else. Squall Leonhart is much too aloof to be asking about a love interest. With Ellone it was different. And he'd only asked those close to him, not just anybody who might have seen the young woman around Garden.
Returning from his personal space, Leonhart asked. "Is it my turn?"
"Raisins." Replied Irvine.
Squall snickered. "That was a real question."
"Oh." Irvine laughed, he then confessed. "Ya know, you have a really nice laugh. You should do it more openly."
"When have you heard me laugh?" Squall wondered then added. "And that's also a real question." He squinted when the car exited the tunnel and the sun's radiance flared through the windshield. He moved the visor into place to block it out a bit.
"When you were sleeping. You just laughed out of nowhere. It scared me at first, but then I realized what it was. It was nice, I'd like to hear it more."
Squall paled. How could he laugh in his sleep? And why? He tried to recall his dream aside from the pulse pounding activity of making out with Irvine. Wait a minute.. He remembered something. After kissing, and clothing removal, they stopped because Squall had absently wondered if a lion roared when he'd climax. The part that made him laugh was the thought of other animals hearing it and running for cover fearing an attack was coming.
"It was just a stupid dream."
"Oh." Getting back to the game, he said. "Your turn."
"How much Gil is in my wallet?"
"Blackberries."
Looking at Irvine in disbelief, he thought they'd better get to Dollet soon, or the sniper would turn cannibal on him. The game continued on with Squall buying them both an entire meal. Irvine was only going to shell out for the drinks. To which Squall declared: "For a game like that, losing isn't the biggest loss". It being a game which amuses children and it's easy to play.
The casual eatery they chose looked pretty swanky on the inside. Probably, thought Irvine, because of the deep green table clothes on the booths. Who puts table clothes on booths? He and Squall wandered over towards the back beside a window. The place, though well-lit, was lit by yellow glowing bulbs which, combined with the dark table clothes and wood, made it seem all the more pricy and atmospheric. It doesn't smell posh. The scent of greasy fried foods, sweat pastries, and unmistakable scent of coffee filled the space to the back of the eyeballs. The contrast could really screw with a person's state of mind.
Taking a seat, Squall says to Irvine. "Maybe it's meant to make you leave a big tip?"
Irvine nodded. If a person felt like this was an upscale place with its dark features and low lighting, they'd pay upscale prices. The sniper hungrily smelled a bite of eggs and just a hint of strong coffee when a waitress passed them with an order. It was coaxing, but looking at the menu he decided on something else.
"How can I help you?" A teen asked, then corrected herself. "I mean, are you ready to order?"
"Yes. French toast with blackberry jam, a side of bacon, and a cup of milk." Irvine ordered.
Squall glanced at the menu. "Scrambled eggs, fruit salad, toast with butter."
"And to drink?"
"Coffee. Decaf."
"Coming right up." She exited quickly.
"Hope not. That means it was sitting prepared under a heating lamp." Irvine mumbled either to himself or to Squall.
Squall smirked. It was funny. And likely true.
"I'm gonna get you to laugh." Comments Kinneas after spying the small gesture in Squall's usual facial demeanor.
"I don't think you have enough material."
With an incredulous look, he retorts. "You think you're that tough with emotional mobility?"
"Yes."
"Your well is that deep?"
Squall gave a nod.
"Challenge accepted. You laughed in your sleep, I can make you laugh in-person."
"You have a better shot at shaking hands with Hyne." Replied the emotionally structured. "Besides, I've laughed "in-person" a few times."
"Yeah, but it was controlled. I like the natural, carefree one you did last night best." Smiling at the waitress, he said. "Thank you." For the food.
"Thanks." Mumbled Squall.
Irvine spied an all too familiar note on his napkin. "Somebody thinks I'm cute." He showed Squall the waitress's phone number, and SM written on his napkin.
Squall glared briefly. "Not very hygienic. Are you gonna call her?"
"Nope. I don't live here." He turned the date-offending gesture over to hide it on the table. "Want a bite?" He cute off a chunk of his meal.
"Sure." He pushed his plate closer. "Want some eggs?"
"Uh-huh." Irvine scooped a hunk of eggs onto his plate, careful of the jam to avoid combining the two.
'How can this feel so normal?' Wondered Squall. He began to eat, not tasting it so much as his mind was occupied with chatter, making it hard to absorb the tastes and textures going on in his mouth. 'I've never dated a guy before, I'm not dating one now, but... if we were.. this feels normal.' He set down his fork and reached for his coffee. The bitter sip scrunched his face; he grabbed the sugar and cream to temper the taste to a better sip. Just a small dash of each. 'I need to stop being a coward, just ask him out.'
Breakfast passed between them comfortably. They had moments of silence and conversation in the half hour it took for them to clear their plates.
It wasn't any warmer by the time they left the eatery. The sun was out, but it only served to blind anyone who's dumb enough to look at the reflective cold snow cystals twinkling on the ground like diamonds. The world was engaged to winter.
"Hahaha! Idiot!" Shouted a little boy running out behind Squall and Irvine's exiting, nearly slamming into the sniper's backside.
"Devon, get back here!" Called his mother.
Grabbing the child by his coat's collar, Irvine held him in place. "Don't call your mother names." He ordered. "That so-called idiot takes care of you until you're no longer sick, she cooks for you, makes sure you don't live in a nasty home. She takes you where you need to go, and sees to it that you're as happy as can be."
Squall blinked at this encounter. He wondered why Irvine cared. All kids are brats. That's just human-nature at it's finest. Stepping aside for the elavated mother of the child, he thought for sure she'd tell the stranger to stop touching her kid, and to mind his business. However, she stood beside and let him continue scolding her son.
"It sounds to me like the "idiot" is the person taking that for granted. Your mother could stop everything she does for you tomorrow... wouldn't feel so good would it? Or maybe you would be relieved, I mean, you do think she's an idiot..."
The little boy glared at Irvine. Then seeing his mother, he suddenly perked up. "You smell bad! Get off of me loser!" He yanked himself free. "Mom, that stranger was trying to abduct me." He took her hand.
"Let's go home then." She made eye contact with Irvine and smiled. He may not know it, but she hasn't been called "Mom" by her son in a year.
Irvine scoffed. "How can children be so blind?"
"Why do you care?"
Irvine shrugged his hand, then began to walk to where they are parked. "Can you imagine if we didn't have Matron or Sis? If I was never adopted... It just bugs me that kids can be cruel to adults."
Squall thought about Ellone. He truly loves his big Sis, even if the memories of her are gone from his mind, he feels her powerfully in his heart. 'He couldn't kill Edea when she was a sorceress, he's actually more careful than I called him on.' Squall climbed inside, and when the door closed the world out, he said in a breath before the feeling hid away again. "Let's do it."
"We should stop at a store first, I'm not prepared." He chuckled.
'Alright, he's a little dorky too. But, it kinda adds to his charm.' Popping the Galbadian-wolf on the shoulder, he informed him. "I meant let's date."
"Better. Less pressure."
Squall wondered what he meant by that. Less pressure for, he, Irvine, to be good in bed or less pressure because he was worried about which position he'd take during their tryst. Squall supposed he'd never know because he won't ask.
Irvine navigated the streets slowly to avoid other cars and people venturing out on foot. Dollet is pretty active for 10 am. Pet owners, kids looking to find an empty hilly street to sled down. Early shoppers. People going to and from work.
"I'm trying to not embarrass myself with cartwheels; I'm curious to know why'd you change your mind?"
"I thought about the pros and cons. The biggest 'pro' being that you won't be around all the time."
"If we're dating I would think that's a 'con'."
Squall shook his head. "Think about it.. We won't be climbing all over each other's space in the processing and transitioning period."
Irvine looked to be thinking about that. Squall had a point there. He once dated a girl, every place he went there she was. Thank Hyne for bathrooms or he'd never have had a bit of solitude when awake. He finally scraped her off and onto someone else.
"We can call or text each other whenever we want."
With a nod, Irvine added. "And we can see each other in-person on days off."
"Right."
Irvine smiled to himself, not knowing a metal-blue pair of eyes were on him. 'He smiles so easily. I'll never obtain that skill. But, looking at him, I feel like I could.' He smirked but tried coaxing it bigger.
Kinneas seemed to sense something askew about his companion and turned his head for a glance. "Wishing you could take it back?" he wondered when mistaking an attempted grin as a grimace.
"No."
"Well, we've got until six p.m. Any ideas?"
Squall had seen a flyer earlier, and threw it out there as an option. "We can go to the weapon's museum."
Interest peeked he asked the GPS where the location was. He's been to Dollet many times, but never really partook of the attractions as a pedestrian. It would seem otherwise for Squall, who knew about the museum at all. He doesn't know about the flyers his friend had seen.
The large automobile parked comfortably in an empty space close to the building; the pair leaned sideways and craned their necks to see if their vision could be heightened to check for it being open or closed to the public.
Irvine tapped on his phone screen. It's open. "This is great, there might not be anyone inside but us."
That does sound promising. His nerves are shot right now. Squall, as he gradually allowed to sink in during the drive over, is in a relationship. With Irvine Kinneas. He might fall from a sudden onslaught of clumsiness. Bite his tongue. Get a weird nervous rash.
Irvine, while watching these thoughts bend Squall's psyche. The guy really does spend too much time in his head. Taking Squall's hand, he kissed the back of it. "We'll go at your pace. You have nothing to worry about." Patting in the peck, he then released their hold. "Now let's go see some ancient tools of destruction."
He popped open the car door then exited with Squall not even a hair behind him.
…..
Irvine gave a low whistle. "First ever automatic drill. Used and designed in the 1800's by King Edgar Figaro. "Royalty designed that?" he cocked his head. "Long live the King."
Squall too admired the fine piece of weaponry. It has a base design that looks a lot like a baby generator. And from the center is a long drill bit. The drill might be able to shoot out, but having read the description, he found out it was for close combat.
"Man's first portable blinder." He read the description of the next tool. "Also by King Figaro. He must have been an engineer."
Irvine intoned to respond. He was on the hunt for guns. Bingo! "Check out this beauty." His face lit up in beholden. "Death Penalty." His gloves hand hovered but doesn't touch. He was eyed four times since they began to tour the place. He must give off the 'serial toucher' vibe.
Leonhart looked at it unimpressed. It looked like any other old gun model. He's seen Irvine use a much more impressive gun in battle.
"You know this gun was banned from ever being made again in the 90's."
"Why?" he couldn't help the bored disbelief in his tone. "It looks like any other shotgun."
"It may look like a shotgun but it fires like a rifle. You could shoot from a long range and peg another guy in the head with the first one."
That impressed the gunblader. Most shotguns are known for their blasting power not penetration. He could learn a lot about guns from the sharpshooter. He liked that.
Their tour came to a close with an ogling at barbed wire punching gloves. Zell would have wet dreams if he saw them.
Squall and Irvine spent a little more time in Dollet to have lunch together, then they drove back to Balamb…
Ferris Sergeant reached into the glove compartment where he stored a bag of white chocolate covered raisins. His treasure. He earned this prestigious award for pushing himself that extra mile during training. Oh, they had the weekend off, sure, but why should he take a break? His hero, Squall Leonhart, who'd been a man of head-down-and-soldier-through would not break on the weekend. Not when he can stay at peek condition and top form. Squall who was attacking sorceress Edea head-on when a bullet failed to execute her. Squall who was tortured in the worst kind of hell prison. D-District.
He shuddered to even think about it. They used to broadcast radio interviews with prisoners and how they were treated there. Half of them hoped for death. The others were just raving mad. But Squall came out of it, got home with his fellow brethren and became Garden's savior. He was truly a man to be admired. The guy walked away from a coma and is standing strong. What a trooper. A pillar of strength.
And so Ferris, at 16 years old, will train and become strong. He will become the next Squall Leonhart. He might even talk to him. A speech just bursting out of the top gunblader because he's so impressed with him.
Ferris snickered and munched with merriment on the sweet treat. He should take these to his room, there he can read over the clippings from the article about the war. About Squall.
He watched a car pull into the lot. He squinted to try enhancing his vision. 'Oh. It's Irvine.' However when the door to the passenger's side opened and Squall stepped out he nearly lost the chocolate in his mouth from his jaw dropping. "Squall! Oh cool. I've gotta talk to him." He stuffed the candy in his pocket then reached for the handle. He was about to open the door, call out, and wave, but he froze.
He didn't see that. He didn't really just see that.. Did he? Blinking, he rubbed his eyes to be sure there was nothing there. Nope. Clear as polished glass. He felt his stomach drop and his heart sank into the chasm left by it. His hero.. just.. dear Hyne, he can't even replay that evil. But it was there, like a haunting. An untouchable, uncontrollable presence. Squall and Irvine spoke to each other, nothing new since they're friends, but it was when their words stopped. They glanced around then for no reason leaned to each other and shared a kiss. Shared! It wasn't stolen from Squall by the playboy cowboy from Galbadia Garden, it was an intimate, sought after, moment.
But that brief press of the lips was an earth shattering bomb. It took out the entire island not just Balamb Garden. It wiped out everything the pair had defiled in that brief moment. And if, Ferris knew, he never wanted to see such a thing again he was going to have to erase it. Like it was never there. Easily done. The Galbadian bastards are going back to their homes and they'll never see any of them again.
Yes.
So whatever this was between Squall and Irvine ended here and now. He can forget this. He can forgive his hero. Everyone has a moment of weakness with something. He was probably sick of being pestered and threw a dog a bone.
'I can forget. I can forget.' He can forget it. He removed his white knuckled hands from the steering wheel. He was finally able to leave once the two disappeared from the garage. He even noticed that Irvine didn't head back into the school but took a car back to the barracks.
'I can forget. I have to forget it.' His feet pound heavy on his way back to his dorm room, where he then tore up the photo of Squall he keeps over his desk.
Ferris Sergeant can respect, care for, and admire many people and actions. But he will never idealize himself to nor idolize some queer.
X x X
Commentary: sorry for mistakes, and hopefully there aren't any choppy moments. I tried not to 'head hop' hopefully I succeeded. Thanks for reading!
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A Break in Character