Lamentations

*YAY ADVENT CHILDREN SOUNDTRACK! XD hey, this is coming along a little better than I thought it was… it’s a little drawn out I kno, but I would like to thank you yet again for wonderful feedback! ^_~*

Lamentations
Chapter Seven
A Secret No More

No knock came to lure me out to go Materia hunting. I was grateful for it—I found myself ill again at Chaos’ hands. So far, I had been able to prevent Chaos from taking over directly on the Highwind (I knew it would go strait for Cid…), but my control tended to slip in my sickness, sometimes more some days than the next.

What I heard in the walkways never helped. Between Tifa and Barret, or Yuffie and Nanaki, I wasn’t sure, but it was never positive.

“Have you seen Vincent around?”

“Nah. That guy has some weird shit goin’ on wit’ him. I try not to think ‘bout it. Why? What’s so damn important?”

“Well Cloud asked the other day about him—”

“Speakin’ a weirdos…”

“He’s not that weird, Barret…”

“My ass…”

They had noticed my absence—if only for Cloud’s sake. Cloud. I was not looking forward to whatever he had to say to me. But I would take it when he was ready to give it, only because it was the least I deserved from him. Not because there was Cid, but because my actions had inevitably revealed what went on between us. They only thing that had been agreed on was that it would be a secret. And a secret it was no more.

There was no knock. I was steadying my head after trying to stand up too fast when the door handle rattled. Locked. “Vincent,” the strangely calm voice called.

I didn’t reply. Now of all times was not a good one, with Chaos ready to jump out at any second. At first, Cloud seemed ready to leave. Then the door was kicked off of its hinges and there he was. Strangely, he didn’t look angry in the slightest, the fact that he had used his inhuman strength the break a metal door aside. Then again, he was very good at hiding it.

I didn’t move. Let him accuse, shout and otherwise. But he did none of these. He stood there, looking placid for a moment with his arms across his chest. “You could have just said something,” he finally said. I didn’t move. I didn’t dare for fear of Chaos. “Oh, that’s right. You’re the quiet one.” A hint of sarcasm.

“I didn’t promise you anything,” I told him coolly.

“I didn’t ask you to—”

“Then why did you come here?”

Cloud chewed on that for a minute, then stepped in. He didn’t plan on being long; I heard his boots on the floor, not his feet. “I came here to tell you that we’re going to the North Crater. On Thursday. That’s the consensus.” An uneasy pause. “And I’d appreciate it if—”

“I won’t say anything. And neither will Cid.”

“…Good,” Cloud said with a nod after a moment, more to himself. “Good.”

I shivered again as Cloud turned. Rip his face off! Just bite the whole thing off!! Quiet… “Cid won’t like that you broke the door.”

Cloud stopped in his steps and slowly reached down to pick up a hinge that had been stripped loose. Then in his only show of vehemence he expressed, he sneered. “Cid can fix his own goddamned door.” He chucked the metal chunk at me—I knew this without even looking, and that it would hurt if it hit. Hell, I wanted it to.

Chaos didn’t. It vied for control and wrestled it from me in that instant. It whipped around and caught the hinge in its fangs, spat it out and hissed or shrieked (or maybe both) at Cloud. It thought the look on his face when he jumped back was hilarious. I thought it was horrifying that I allowed him to see it. Back in control of myself, I covered my mouth and inched backwards on the bed. Good, God! Why was it so close to the surface lately!?

Cloud stepped back in quickly, eager to touch—to know. “Jesus, Vincent—!”

“Get out,” I snarled, his hands suddenly unwelcome. “Get out!” Cloud stood there for a minute, dumbfounded. He didn’t budge an inch—bound and determined… for what?? For me? Was it merely a sexual fault, or did it truly sting that he wasn’t the only one?

“What won’t you tell me that you’ll tell Cid?” Cloud asked quietly. “I won’t tell you that I’m not pissed or whatever, because I’m done lying to myself. I guess it’s just unfounded. Just… … why Cid of all people?”

The world sort of spun as I dug my fingers into my scalp, little flashes of the past cracking through my thoughts like lightning. “Would you rather that it had been you?” I managed, swallowing a dry heave—there was nothing left in my system for Chaos to upset. I clenched my teeth as a ripple of pain traveled up my spine and into my shoulder blades.

Cloud let his hand wander through my hair, pausing on my fingers, seeing how tense they were. Seeing a bit of himself perhaps in my apparent pain. “Yeah, I guess I would have,” he finally said. That hand brushed some hair out of my face. Chaos wanted it for a new chew toy. I leaned into it briefly—the only real show of affection I had ever given him.

“I fear for you,” I told him again, trembling with the restraint effort. “Go. Don’t come back.”

“It’s over…”

I nodded, unable to suppress the way my muscles tensed in resistance.

“…Okay,” Cloud agreed softly. “You know… I’ve been meaning to tell you. I wish I were like you sometimes.”

No, no you don’t, I wanted to say.

“I know this is your problem, and you don’t want me butting in. But I gotta say, you handle everything with the same apathy. It’s like you don’t feel anything. Even now—whatever you’re going through doesn’t look like it phases you much, but it is a big deal for you to even show it a fraction of what you are.”

Are you insane??

“You did the same thing with me. And you wanna know something?”

No. But I have no choice.

“I hope Cid chokes on it.”

It being the apathy he was referring to I’m assuming. He took his hand back, propped the door back up on his way out and left me in a cold, dark silence. I can’t say that his reaction really bothered me, though it wasn’t quite what I was expecting either. Apathy. Is that what they thought it was?

Another spasm of pain shook me. I had to get out before Chaos did something irreversible. I stumbled out the broken door, praying no one was out and about, hoping it was night because I just wasn’t sure anymore.

Fresh air. The deck. Skin started to rip on my back; I could feel the blood and the bone shifting to accommodate black sticky wings already. I stumbled onto the railing and looked down. Clouds. Tree tops. Craggy rocks.

“No seriously Red, what are you gonna use your Materia for when this is all over??”

“Yuffie… you don’t even know if we’re going to come out of this alive…”

“Aw, c’mon!”

The voices startled me. The others… Chaos could smell the blood in their veins from here they were so close.

“Hey, did you hear something?”

I launched myself backward off of the railing before much was seen. If I cannot control it, the least I could do was put my comrades at the smallest risk possible.

Blood! Spread it to the ends of the earth! Consume the weak!!

I curled up in my own dark thoughts of Lucrecia and Cid while Chaos roamed and terrorized.


End Chapter Seven
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Sorry for those of you expecting more smut, or even a resolution any time soon ^_^ Don’t worry, soon, my friends. Soon. A little more angst and we’ll get back into the erotic, but then again, the plot is coming out smoothly on my part…