Chronicles of Valentine

a/n: Can it be? Another chapter? Yes, my dears, you read this correctly! Another chapter! I do hope you enjoy! And keep your tissues handy.

Thanks to my reviewers! I write for you! Much love to Kuromei and MyValenwind who took a moment to offer me some very inspiring words. Thanks!

Warnings for more character death and an attempted suicide.

Chronicles of Valentine

--December 21, 2346--

“What was she like?”

The question rippled through the comfortable silence and I stirred from where I had sunk into a faint stupor. Heat always made my body feel languorous and sleepy.

“Who?”

“My kin, Yuffie. She and all the members of Avalanche,” Shion clarified, springs squeaking as he drew a woven blanket further over his shoulders. “I mean, I've heard all the stories, but I want to know what they were really like.”

I sighed and leaned back in my chair, my eyes captivated by the dancing fake flames in the fake hearth. A cup of coffee warmed one hand, and I had long since kicked off my boots for the sake of comfort. It was a quiet, soft winter evening, snow falling in steady sheets beyond our window. The holidays were just around the corner.

And in the seat next to me, Shion watched the same vista, his aged face so startling when I could remember his youth so clearly. Here I sat, unchanged for all the centuries that had passed. My clothes had been upgraded to match the times, as had my weaponry, but for all that, I remained the same. My curse in full bloom.

My fingers, smooth now that I rarely found reason to lift a gun, rapped against the arm of the chair. “Yuffie was... annoying,” I answered, and let a smile tug at the corners of my lips as Shion snorted in amusement. “But she was also brave, and very much determined. As the youngest of us, she rivaled only Cloud for recklessness.”

“Cloud... he was the leader, right?”

My heart gave a careful pang at the reminder of my past lover, but I hid it well beneath my mask. “I suppose. Barret was initially the man behind Avalanche, but it was Cloud we followed.” For all his insanity, personality disorders, and propensity for lies, it had always been Cloud we put our faith behind.

“And Barret was the loud guy with the spear?”

I shook my head. “No, that was Cid,” I corrected, though I could see how he would get confused.

Both Barret and Cid were loud when they wanted to be. Especially when they had disagreed on something. Equally stubborn and foul. And it had always been Tifa to mediate them. Not that I blamed either male. Tifa's fists were quite fierce, and she used them whenever necessary.

Heat washed against my face and exposed skin, and I relished in the normalcy of it. “Barret was the eldest of us, though occasionally he acted more of a child than Yuffie. His hatred for ShinRa was greater than any of us. He was a good man. Brash and loud, but a good man.”

“And Cid?”

I cut my eyes at Shion, wondering what had brought on this sudden flurry of questions. “Why the curiosity?”

His brown eyes gleamed. “Because they matter to you,” Shion answered honestly, and sometimes, his outright frankness really bothered me, throwing me for a constant loop. “I want to know the people that you miss.”

Silly child. And yes, I still considered Shion a child. I would until the day he died, leaving me like all the others. He was like a burr or a barnacle. No matter how much I shook him, or pried him away, or sifted into the shadows, he always appeared at my side again. I was resigned to his presence. And I admit, the loneliness eased because of him.

I sighed and tugged my gaze back to the fire. It was safer that way. I didn't want Shion to see the emotions that recalling the past brought up within me. Bittersweet happiness. I could admit that much to myself now. I had been happy then, even if I didn't show it like others would.

“Cid was my best friend,” I admitted quietly. “He was a loyal man, loud much like Barret, but with a keen understanding of things. Not just engineering but people as well. He had an eerie way of looking through you, much like Aeris.”

I had lost count over the years of how many times Cid had noticed something about myself that I hadn't wanted anyone to see. I could always count on Cid to be honest with me.

“Aeris?” Shion prompted, shifting around in his easy chair with a squeak of aging springs.

I sighed softly, closing my eyes in remembrance. “She died protecting all of us from Sephiroth and his insane attempt to destroy the planet. She was... our light, I guess you could say. Wise for her age, if not a little naïve at times. Nothing but a flower girl from the slums to hear her say it, but we always knew she was a little something more.”

“Did you love her?”

I chuckled a little at that. I knew what Shion meant to ask. I admit my tone probably had sounded a bit like that of a lover left behind. But it couldn't be defined so simply. Where for so long I felt like little more than a monster, Aeris had always looked at me as something human. And for that I had always been grateful.

I shook my head. “We all did. Cloud, I think, loved her the most, and her death nearly broke him.”

I said nearly only because the rest of us managed to hold him together somehow. Or should I say, Tifa had the largest hand in that. She refused to let him drown in his guilt and despair. Cloud, who never quite knew just who to love, who to allow his heart to yearn for. I often wondered myself how it must have felt to watch his first love callously murder someone he had finally opened his heart to. Or perhaps those feelings were what remained of Zack. It was never easy to tell with Cloud.

It took me several minutes to realize Shion had yet to comment, or prompt me to continue my tale. Peeling open my eyes, I glanced his direction. He hadn't moved.

“Shion?”

A snore was his response, and I smiled to myself. He had fallen asleep in the middle of my story, just like an old man. He would probably wake later, demanding to know the rest. I wondered if he would ever understand just how grateful I was for his friendship.

Rising to my feet, I pulled a blanket down over his thinning frame and tucked it around him. It wouldn't do for him to catch cold. Watching his aged face slack with sleep for a moment, I turned and quietly left the room, managing to not make a sound. One never forgot their Turk training, not even after centuries.

The reminiscing had done me well. It was strange how I could remember them so fondly now, recalling all the past that had helped to heal me. I missed them terribly, and a part of me wished I hadn't worked so hard to keep them at a distance. Wished that I had let them in just a little bit more.

Kami, how I missed them.

--May 16, 2347--

Knowing that Shion's death was coming did not make accepting it any easier. I had grown attached to the brash youngster, Shion firmly implanting himself into one of the many cracks in my heart. And he had been utterly human. I asked myself why I bothered to try.

I had returned to the back of the throng once more, very few knowing about our relationship. We were friends, not lovers, though some had speculated the latter. Nanaki had hinted time and time again that I could push for more, but I never took it further than the companionship Shion offered me. It was like being with Avalanche sometimes, combining Yuffie's thievery with Cloud's sullen disquiet and Cid's gruff dismissals. His presence had eased the loneliness, if only for a while.

Now, it had returned full force.

Shion's death prompted an immediate return to Wutai for me, a place I hadn't touched boot or claw in since Yuffie's death. The country had changed so much, barely resembling the memories of my youth, or even those of chasing Yuffie through the main city in order to regain our stolen materia. The traditional buildings and designs had all but vanished, replaced by a more modern, technical atmosphere. I felt distinctly uncomfortable there, as I often did when Shion talked about something I only vaguely understood.

I felt so out of my element that even the crowds of people disturbed me. The world was changing, and I slowly with it, but I still felt locked in centuries before. In fact, I missed centuries before and all that came with it. I wanted nothing more than to fade into obscurity.

I endured only because Shion would have appreciated the effort.

No one from his family would know who I was. I had made certain to keep it that way. I didn't need that many people knowing of my existence. I waited until the main services had been completed before I paid my respects, standing alone before the crypt that housed his body, along with his ancestors before him. The thin scent of incense had yet to be carried away by the wind and was strong in the air.

I had nothing to leave for Shion, nothing that he would have anticipated. He had been a dear friend. But like everyone else, evanescent in my life. Why I had allowed such a brief acquaintance, I'll never understand. It shouldn't hurt this much. But it did. I kept thinking that it would get easier. And all I was doing was lying to myself.

I hadn't been there when Shion passed. Not with his family crowding around him. His brothers and sisters, his wife and his children. He hadn't been alone, contrary to popular belief. He was known for his pilgrimages, for his disappearing on adventures, and those were the times he spent trailing along after me. I still didn't understand why Nanaki tried to hint that there was more between us.

Sometimes, I had wished there were, if only to ease the brief pangs of loneliness. But then I reminded myself that he was Yuffie's kin and it was a good idea not to get involved in that sort of mess.

“Vincent Valentine?”

At the sound of my name, spoken softly and in a decidedly feminine voice, I turned slowly, surprised that anyone would know me. I was treated to the sight of a young woman, probably barely in her teens, dressed in a pretty floral print kimono. Something in her eyes reminded me of Shion, and my every instinct screamed Kisaragi. Unconsciously, I double-checked my materia.

I inclined my head. “And you are?”

Nervously clutching something in her delicate hands, she looked up at me, a pretty decent task considering her short stature. “You know my grandfather, Shion. Or at least, that's what he always told me.”

I scowled inwardly. I had thought Shion enough sense to not talk about me, but I supposed that was giving him too much credit. He had always been a loudmouth.

This must have been Kaede then, Shion's youngest granddaughter. She looked a lot like her mother, and not much like Shion. Except for those eyes. Open and frank, with a hint of mischief. A Kisaragi trait, I imagined.

“I did,” I returned quietly, shifting a bit in place. I wondered what she was doing here, why she had spoken to me. I thought I had avoided Shion's family. “He was a good man.”

“So are you,” she responded, and there was something about her childlike frankness that bothered me.

I flickered my gaze around, but there was no one to save me from Kaede's presence. And it was rude to simply wander away. My mother had raised me better than that. I resigned myself to sticking around and seeing what she wanted.

My fingers twitched with an urge for an cigarette, something I hadn't bothered with since Cloud died. Perhaps it was just the restless urge within me to fidget.

“Was there something you wanted?” I asked, trying and failing not to be impolite. I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable around someone who wasn't supposed to be aware of my existence.

Kaede's eyes lifted to mine again and I watched as she stroked her fingers over a small box before suddenly thrusting it my direction. “Grandfather meant for you to have this.”

I was reluctant to take the item, but there was a Kisaragi set to Kaede's jaw that implied she wouldn't let me leave without it. Biting back a sigh, I reached out and took the small wooden box, a clever design burnt into the polished lid. I unconsciously stroked a finger across the symbol, feeling each ridge in the otherwise smooth wood.

I both did and didn't want to open the box. That fool. Leaving me something as if it would make up for his passing.

“Grandfather was really happy about your friendship,” Kaede continued softly, her voice lowering as though realizing the emotions that keep striking at my heart. “He wanted you to know that.”

I swallowed thickly, over a lump that had suddenly taken residence in my throat. “He was a good friend,” I commented myself, and my fingers stroked over the wood again.

It was light, almost too light. It couldn't have held anything of monetary worth, and Shion was one of the least sentimental people I had ever met. What could it be? What would he think to leave to me and why hadn't he said anything before?

Kaede bowed shallowly to me on the edge of my vision, her soft curls falling into her face. “Please be happy, Mr. Valentine. That is what Grandpa would have wanted.”

I would have snorted at the very idea of it, but it seemed rude so I kept my opinion to myself. Instead, I watched as she turned and gracefully walked away, so mature for her age. But then, it seemed like adulthood was descending sooner and sooner on the young ones these days. Sometimes, I wished Yuffie had attained a bit of that rather quicker.

I turned back towards the crypt, casting my gaze over it once more, before choosing to walk away. I had a hotel room waiting for me before I made the long journey back to the mainland. I had no desires to stay in this unfamiliar Wutai. The country had never felt like home to me before, and it certainly didn't now. I had a sudden urge to visit Nanaki.

As I walked, I thumbed the latch on the box open and closed several times, listening to it snap into place with a light snick. I felt a little foolish, nervous over opening this small box. I ignored the press of the crowd around me and finally flipped the lid open with my thumb, curiosity overriding everything else.

I couldn't see what it was immediately as it was wrapped in a small cloth bag, black and drawn tightly by thin strings. Tucking the box into an inner pocket, I opened up the bag and tipped the light item into my hand. It fell slightly chilly against my palm as I came to a sudden halt in the middle of the walkway, staring at the object.

Despite not needing to, I did it anyways. Carefully thumbing open the thin metal latch that bound the item, I gently opened it from its scrunched shape. A small fan, delicately painted, like those that high-class Wutaiian ladies carry around. They are decorative more than useful and it would have seemed a strange gift to give a man, if I didn't recognize it on sight.

The elegant drawing on the thin paper was of Carbuncle, a long lost summon from a supposedly broken materia in Wutaiian legend. And of all the summons, the cutesy god happened to be Yuffie's favorite. Though you had to get her drunk to make her admit it. The design was simple and it happened to be Yuffie's precious possession. I had admired it once, a long time ago, when I saw it in Shion's home. Apparently, the brat had never forgotten.

I swallowed again, past a lump that just wouldn't shrink, feeling the fan shake in my hands. People bumped into me, looking annoyed that I happened to be standing in their busy-busy way. I couldn't find it in me to care.

That brat. It was all I could think. Making me sentimental like this. I carefully folded the fan safely back, letting my fingers close around it.

With a sigh, I looked up at the sky. And said a silent thank you. I could just hear Shion smirking at me, as strange as that sounded. He was just the type. I should have known.

It was just like him to ensure I would never forget.

-- October 13, 2559 --

I was beginning to think of my day of birth as being cursed. It had the nasty propensity to steal things from me, things I wasn't ready to abandon.

Nanaki was dying. My only relief was that it was only old age to claim him, and nothing more painful.

I sat beside him where he lay curled up next to a roaring fire, the only thing to warm his old bones, or so he claimed. One hand lay in his distinguished silver fur, only the occasional red hair or so peeking amongst the snowy strands. He still retained the bulk of his youth, but age was in every movement. Every creaking limb and laborious breath.

I fought the urge to curse some unnamed deity. That would be foolish of me. I knew this day would come. I had thought myself prepared for it. Apparently, I was mistaken. He was the last of my dear friends, my only link to the Vincent I had been during the battle against Sephiroth twice-over.

Nanaki stirred beneath me, and my fingers unconsciously carded through his aged fur once more. “Vincent?”

“I am here,” I said softly, the heat of the fire wafting against my face and exposed skin. It didn't quite help the chill that had stolen over my body.

His responding chuckle was tired. “I know this. I did not doubt you.” Nanaki sighed softly, and stretched out his limbs quickly, his heartbeat a slowing pulse beneath my palm. “My end is nearing, Vincent, no matter how much I wish to cling to this life of mine.”

“You have lived long, my friend,” I said even quieter, the words echoing with truth inside myself. “You deserve this peace.”

“As do you.” I felt those golden eyes on me as Nanaki peeled them open, watching me intently. “It sounds strange to say that I wish you could join me.”

“Fate is not so kind,” I muttered, and I couldn't help the bitterness.

Here I was, hale and vibrant – for lack of a better word – and there he was, grey and weak, bones creaking and eyes rheumy. Nanaki was the very picture of old age against my apparent youth, and I hated it. He would never know how much I longed to be old and grey like he.

His next breath shuddered through his body and his tail flicked, the fire lighting the tip barely the size of a lit match. It was a sign. Nanaki had told me when it first began to dim a month ago, that his life was also extinguishing. When the fire faded, so would he.

“If I could stay--”

“--stop,” I inserted before he could even finish his statement, knowing what emotional drivel and impossible promises were sure to spill from his mouth. “You think I would wish it on another?”

His eyes closed again, so very tired. I sympathized. “You are kinder than you have ever given yourself credit.”

I scoffed, but it was half-hearted, and tried to change the subject. “You do not want your family here?”

“They do not understand as much as you. They do not need me as you do.”

I wanted to scoff at the thought of myself needing Nanaki, but I knew it was utter truth. My fingers twitched in his fur again, and I realized that I had stopped my soothing petting. I picked up the rhythm once more, the mindless task somehow easing my pain as well.

I hesitated before my next words left me, unwilling to voice my weakness but doing so anyways. “You will greet them for me, won't you?”

I felt Nanaki's body give a slight hitch beneath my touch, a struggle to draw the next breath. “Of course... I will. They are waiting, I know.” His tail flickered.

I knew it as well. Little did all of them know but I longed for them as well. I longed with such passion that it surprised even myself.

I couldn't say to Nanaki what I really wanted to say. How I wanted to plead desperately with him to stay. That he couldn't go because he was all I had left in the world that connected me to reality. That he was the last that remained of my sanity and my heart.

I wanted to cry and rage, but instead, I kept my silent facade, feeling my fingers tremble. I was grateful that the shaking of Nanaki's own body kept him from noticing my own unsteady touch.

My eyes glued to his tail, where the fire grew softer and softer, barely a spot of orange in the dim of the room. And with its dimming light, my hopes gradually faded as well.

“Life does not go on forever, Vincent,” Nanaki murmured, so soft that I had to lean closer to hear him. My heart thudded in my chest at the obvious proof of his fading life. “Even stars have an eventual end. You will, too.”

My lips tipped into a half-hearted smile. “You are dying. It is I who should be comforting you.”

Nanaki's chuckle was even softer than before. “Nothing is ever as expected when it comes to you,” he murmured. “You have been a good friend.”

“And you.”

I recognized those kinds of words, the sort said in the final moments. My eyes flickered to Nanaki's tail, where the flame was little more than a firefly's glow. I drew my lower lip into my mouth, biting down on it. I refused to weep. I refused.

“Nanaki...”

“It's okay,” he said on the end of a long sigh, and beneath my fingertips, his heart – once strong and vibrant – slowed.

A beat. Another beat. And then abrupt silence and stillness. I tasted blood as I bit down on my lower lip, fingers unconsciously tightening in their grip on Nanaki's fur. The fire was gone now, the tip of his tail lying lifeless against the floor.

Nanaki was gone.

I shuttered my eyes closed, trying to gain grip of my flickering emotions. My body curled over of its own accord, my fingers refusing to relinquish their hold on Nanaki. I knew that he was gone, that there was nothing within his shell. Yet, I could not seem to let go.

The grief overwhelmed me, for now I was truly alone.

I did not attend Nanaki's funeral because the Iyatokan's had their own way of doing things. Despite my connections to Nanaki and our long-standing history together, it was something I had no business participating in. According to them anyways. I didn't mind so terribly as I had already said my goodbyes.

I wandered into the night, having lost anywhere that I could belong. Where would I go? What would I do? That I did not know.

-- November 17, 2559 --

In the end, I chose the place for my death at random. I was tired, so very tired, and there was no one who remembered me anymore. All of the others had passed. I wanted to join them, to see Lucrecia again. The fatigue that surrounded me had settled into my very bones and I trudged through a world I no longer knew. I wanted it to end.

It was quiet here, monsters nowhere in sight or hearing. Perhaps they registered my intent for death and didn't bother attacking. Perhaps they sensed the demons within me, just as sullen by my existence as I.

I had no belongings, so there was nothing to leave behind. The only thing of importance to me were my weapons and I would not need them in the afterlife. I could think of no one I knew well enough to leave them to so with me they would stay.

A wind rose, stirring falling leaves in the crisp coolness. I leaned against a tree, back against the hard wood, and felt a calm unlike anything I had ever known flow through me. Even when I drew the Dirge of Cerberus and pulled the powerful gun into my lap, my nerves did not turn raw. I was more than ready for this.

Countless monster attacks and close calls had given me a good bit of information. I was convinced that nothing short of absolute beheading would kill me, or in this case, splattering my brains all over the woods with the force of the Dirge of Cerberus. My body would be lucky to have a neck, much less anything of my skull remaining.

I thought of my companions as I let the vibrations of my final moments settle around me. I thought of my lovers and my friends; I thought of Lucrecia in her quiet prison. I thought of those that I could not save and the guilt that had grown less heavy over the years. Not even I could cling to my demons for greater than five centuries.

They waited for me, of this I was certain. In that sea of bright green and tangled white, an endless stream of consciousness, all of my friends waited. Those that I had loved, my family whom I hadn't thought of in centuries. Everyone waited, and I was so very tired.

I didn't consider my decision anything like giving up. I didn't consider it cowardice, or running away. I supposed many others would look at it and scoff, but they simply wouldn't be able to understand. After five centuries, I had lived my life about five times over. Enough was enough.

It amazed me how calm I was. My heart hadn't changed its rhythm, my breathing remained even. I didn't tremble or shake; I didn't even break into a cold sweat. I only felt this overwhelming calm, a great sense of relief. A sense of peace.

I was going to do this.

Leaning against the tree, I sucked in a slow breath and let it out again. I closed my eyes, and let their faces pass through my mind. As I best remembered them, young and vibrant. Remembering scenes of the past, when I felt most alive. I clung to them.

I didn't need to see to position Dirge of Cerberus perfectly. In the back of my mind, the demons grumbled in annoyance, but they had no say in the matter. They were nothing more than unwelcome inhabitants, pests... parasites. My continued existence was their fault, and I admitted to myself that the chance to do this without your consent felt just a bit like revenge.

Strange, how at the end of my life, the future could look so much more brighter. If one even wanted to call the afterlife a future.

I curled my fingers around the Dirge of Cerberus, listened to the wind rushing through the trees, and placed my finger on the trigger. The metal was cool and smooth beneath my touch, worn with use and familiarity.

I held my breath, and the sound of the shot much have echoed around the forest. As for me, I never heard it.

-- November 19, 2559 --

I woke weeping, a great sense of failure racking my entire frame. Sunlight cast down on my newly formed face, a sense of death in the air, but not mine. No, Hojo had cursed me well. The tree that had served as my backrest was gone, little more than a spray of splinters behind me. Some blood still painted the wood.

I reached up, felt the length of dark hair over my newly formed skull. I couldn't remember the pain, and my thoughts were a little fuzzy. I was certain with time they would return to the clarity I'd had before.

I couldn't stop the tears. They trekked silently down my face as I stared into nothingness, lamenting my inability to end this life.

I hadn't cried when any of my companions passed. I hadn't wept for my own fate before, but I couldn't stop the tears now. They trickled down my cheeks before I could stop them as I unconsciously shoved the Dirge of Cerberus away from me and raked furious hands through my new hair.

The demons laughed in the back of my mind, taunting me for my failure. There was no escape, they seemed to say, their mockery loud and clear.

A flurry of emotions, more than I could identify, swelled within me. Relief was not among them. I was furious, at myself and at Hojo. I was grieving because I was once again alone, with no chance for the pain to ease in sight.

How long, I wondered. How long would this life of mine torture me? Until the end of the world? Was such a thing even possible? Had what I done been considered so terrible that I should be cursed like this?

The pain that stabbed at my heart was practically physical, a vicious rending that had my body doubling over as I struggled to breathe. Why wouldn't it just end?

I wanted to scream and shout, but there was no one to direct my fury. Hojo was long dead. Everyone I had ever known was gone. The world was changing around me, no longer recognizable as my home. And all I had left in the world were the vicious creatures that consistently hovered in the back of my skull.

Time passed as I sat in the forest, my face drying sticky with the salt of tears. Too depressed to move, I stared at the surrounding vegetation and contemplated my existence. I was hard-pressed to call it a life. Once again, I was left without any idea what to do with myself.

Time passed, and continued to drag me along with it.

***

a/n: A bit shorter than the previous chapters, but a lot of stuff is packed in here. Hope you liked! I think my favorite was Nanaki's, simply because it is the most heart-wrenching.

I don't know when the next chapter will be out, but I'll keep writing!