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Ever get the feeling you're being watched?	By : MackyoStar Category: Final Fantasy VII > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 633 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. Final Fantasy VII © SquareEnix.

Chapter List
- 8
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- 10
Morning had come only too quickly, and I found myself pacing angrily by the side of the bed. The sight of it disgusted me. He’s been in there. He’s been in there with me. How could this have happened?

I couldn’t sleep a wink last night. All I could think about was him. I couldn’t get that bastard out of my mind. My eyes had been wide, staring blankly at the walls- listening for him, waiting for him to return. He didn’t though, which was good, because I didn’t want anything to do with him. Right now, I wanted him dead. So why had I been twitching anxiously at every sound I heard. Why in the back of my mind did I think he would come back to me that night? This was so hard. I didn’t understand it at all. All those weeks of making me feel uncomfortable, had they been leading up to this?

Scarlet had been my eager ‘experiment’ in the ways of the woman when I was just a child, using her body whenever I saw fit. With her help, I became the heartless entity I am today. I exploited her in my younger days, mainly out of boredom. In return, she gave me knowledge. I suppose it prepared me. Like in battle, she gave me experience. By the time I was sixteen, I was doing things with girls that they were far too young and naïve to understand. My experience was high- I could make them do whatever I wanted. Manipulate them, make them respect me…love me. I made them do whatever I asked without even the slightest reluctance. I had developed a power over them, and over the years that power strengthened. But Tseng, with him… it was different. He’d taken that all away. I was powerless once again. I suppose the rules were the same, but my lack of knowledge suppressed me. I had little experience with men. My defenseless subconscious was under influence and had taken over my better judgment. I quite willingly gave into his advances- quite stupidly gave into his advances. He did to me what I did to women. He made me want him. He made me yearn for him. He’d used my own tactics against me and made me weak. He was a man for crying out loud. How could he have done this? How could he have made me feel this way?

Right now, I hated him. I hated him with a passion. I disliked him before, now it was different, now he’d given me a reason to hate. I glanced over to the bed and kicked it out of frustration. I hated that bed as well. I hated the thought of it being in my room. He’s been in there. We’d been in there together, that thought made me want to hack it to pieces. I wanted to douse it in petrol and watch it burn.

I collapsed lazily against the wall and slumped down to the floor. It made no sense. It made no sense at all. He’d taken advantage of me. He’d gotten to me when I was intoxicated and vulnerable, and I’d let it happen. It was stupid of me, I know. I’d been far too trusting.

But, that wouldn’t happen again.

***

I rested my forehead over my arm as it leaned against the wall. I was staring out of one of the office windows, gathering my thoughts and thinking about what I’d say. How could I fix this mess I’d gotten myself into?

I’d called him, he wasn’t answering. Typical. That worked in my favour. I don’t think I was quite ready to face him just yet. I needed more time. I turned to my desk and pulled out my chair. What was I going to say to him when he did arrive? How was I going to hold myself back from SLAUGHTERING him? I sighed and sat down. Idly flicking through the documents on my desk, the mere sight of them depressed me. I’d been neglecting my work again, letting my mind wander…thinking about him. I screwed up the papers in my palm and swept them from the desk. I can’t take this anymore. I needed to get this over with. I needed to see him NOW!

I couldn’t concentrate. He was in my head and I wanted him out. I should have killed him last night. I should have shot him where he stood. That would have been rewarding, watching him writhe in pain while I continued to blow holes into his bloodstained body. But then, I wouldn’t have the answers. I wouldn’t know why this happened in the first place. Did he want something from me? Did he want to hurt me, want to see me humiliated? If this ever got out, then I would be. My reputation would be tarnished and I’d be mocked and labelled a fool.

Hmmm, there must have been a motive.

I leaned back in my chair and tilted my head, allowing it to rest against the cool leather surface. My phone then started to ring and I reluctantly reached out for it. Bringing it to my ear, I droned.

“What?”

“Heidegger informs me that you wish to speak with me.”

It was him, it was Tseng. I sat up instantly and spat down the phone “Where are you? I’ve been calling you all morning.” I didn’t care that I wasn’t prepared. I’m sure my mouth would take over once he finally arrived. I had a lot of things to say.

Tseng didn’t seem phased by my somewhat… aggressive tone. His voice was calm and collective as he replied

“I’m on my way up.”

I slammed the phone down after he’d finished and took in deep breath. He was coming. Calm down, you need to think this through. I rubbed my temples with my fingers, trying to sooth away the throbbing frustration. Stay calm, don’t lose it. Not until you’ve found out why.

My eyes were fixated on the stairs. I didn’t even blink as I waited. I always seemed to be waiting for him. I was becoming irritated by it. He was doing it now and he wasn’t even here- making me nervous. Why the hell was I nervous? He was the one in the wrong here. It should be him being tense around me, not the other way around. I’d soon set that straight.

My console bleeped, my fingers paused over the intercom. It continued to flash; my secretary was waiting for me to answer. I wasn’t quite ready for this. I didn’t know what I was going to say - I hated being unprepared. But, I’m sure the appropriate wording would come to me. I was always good at cross-examination. I sat up in my chair, pressing my fingers over the control switch and coolly replied. “Enter.”

He emerged from the stairwell, walking slowly forwards and standing to attention at my desk.

I glared up at him furiously. I was finding it difficult to subdue my rage. I could finally put a face to that figure now, the shadows had been lifted and I was left with this. The sheer sight of him repulsed me and made bile rise to my throat. How could I not have seen it earlier? It was so blatantly obvious.

“Sir” He replied, narrowing his eyes slightly at my strained silence.

“Tseng, how very nice of you to finally grace me with your presence. You’ve been keeping me waiting, as usual.”

“I do apologize. I’ve only just been informed.”

I clasped my hands together and I forced a smile. “Anyone would think that you’ve been avoiding me. There wouldn’t be any reason for that, would there? You don’t have anything you’d like to get off your chest, do you? Let’s say… like your shirt, for example?”

The expression on his face was a mixture of bemusement and displeasure. He furrowed his eyebrows and met my gaze. “I do not understand what you mean.”

“I’ll make it simpler for you to understand. I know it was you, Tseng.”

Still all I received was silence.

I glared menacingly, my voice slow and my tone dangerous. “How can you stand there and look me in the eye, denying you have any knowledge of what I’m talking about.”

He stayed silent, didn’t verbalize a single word- something he’s recently become quite skilled at. I kept my voice stern, but managed to remain professional. “Tseng, I see myself as a reasonably person. Usually, I don’t give people the time of day, but I’m giving you the opportunity to explain here. I suggest you use it, because you will not get another.”

Retrieving a chair to sit in, he sat down and looked at me across the desk. I made myself comfortable for the upcoming explanation. Leaning my arms over the desktop as I wheeled myself closer, I waited patiently. “This better be good.”

“This is about last night, I assume?”

“Damn right it is” I was subconsciously snarling. But my exterior was cool and calm. I appeared relatively composed, considering the circumstances.

He paused and looked up, he was staring at me; using his usual vacant expression which I couldn’t read or recognize. Just look at him. I can’t believe those lips were on mine, or that tongue was in my mouth. I feel sick just thinking about it. And I can’t believe how relaxed he’s being.

“WELL?” I snapped. I didn’t have time for his silence. I’d endured enough of that already.

He smiled slightly “Where would you like me to start?”

“Well, Tseng. You can start by telling me what you think you were doing. Affectionate gestures are one thing. But violating someone, when they are drunk? I can‘t grasp the mentality myself.”

“With all due respect, sir, I was only acting in accordance to your actions.” He stated calmly, leaning back while folding his arms.

“I was drunk, you moron. Do you really think I’d have allowed you to even approach me if I hadn’t been? You took advantage of the situation. That is unacceptable.”

“Again sir, your actions were rather persuasive. I did try to put a stop to it on a few occasions, but you didn’t seem best pleased by my withdrawal attempts.”

“Are you implying that this is all my fault?” I asked angrily, significantly narrowing my eyes.

“Well, at the time, you didn’t exactly state otherwise.”

“Of course I didn’t. Do you know why, Tseng? Because when it’s willingly handed to someone on a plate, when they’re under the influences of alcohol, they usually have no idea of what they are doing. What I want to know is, why did you do it? Do you know how embarrassing this is for me? Do you have any idea how much damage you could inflict if this ever got out? And trust me, Tseng, this will NOT come out.”

“I can’t imagine.” He smiled smugly, before his playful tone turned serious. “Obviously, you’re not feeling the same way as I do.”

I glared coldly, unable to hide the sarcasm from my voice. “And how are you feeling, Tseng? Hmm? Happy, ecstatic? Because of the fact that you’ve finally got one over on me? Poor, pathetic president Rufus - you’ve really fucked him over this time…quite literarily, in fact.”

Tseng groaned, “It wasn’t like that.”

“What was it like then? More along the lines of… oh, Rufus I love you. I want to be with you. I can’t live without you. Cut the crap, Tseng. I know just as well as you do that you can’t STAND me, just as I can’t stand you. So why did you feel the need to exploit me. Is it because you hate me…because you wanted to see me suffer?”

He narrowed his eyes and rose to his feet. “There’s no point in trying. I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”

I glared “You’ll go when I tell you to. Now, sit back down.”

He rolled his eyes and reluctantly sat back down again. His expression was no longer unreadable. It was clear that he was just as annoyed as I was. What right does he have to be annoyed? It’s me who’s the victim here, not him. Why the hell is HE annoyed at me? Ok, now calm down. He might be sitting right in front of you, but resist the urge to hit him. If you start, you might not be able to stop.

“Tell me, Tseng. Was it good for you? Did you really enjoy yourself?” I voiced mockingly.

“Do you want my honest opinion?” He answered bluntly, narrowing his eyes further to show that he was serious.

“I wouldn’t expect anything else.” I glared, gesturing for him to continue.

He paused for a moment, collecting himself “I hated every minute of it” he stated, sounding completely sincere.

I was shocked. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me just perfectly. Now you know the truth, am I free to leave as I have duties to attend.”

I forced a smile, clenching my teeth. “Tell me, Tseng. If you hated every minute of it…then why the fuck did you keep coming back?!” I snarled, unable to keep my composure by the end of the sentence, my voice increasing in volume. I can’t believe this. He’s just insulted me. Insulted my bedroom performance, to my face!

He smirked and rose to his feet. I watched with annoyed anger. I was fuming, burning with violent rage. How dare he talk to me like that. How dare he insult me! My hand was hovering by my hip holster. My gun was inches from my grasp. I won’t stand for that, no one fucking mocks me and gets away with it.

“Get out, before I blow your head off and have to redecorate this room.”

He smiled and made sure to tuck his chair back neatly, doing it to add to my resentment. His self-possession was disgustingly serene. “As you wish, sir.”

***

No one has EVER insulted me, or taken advantage of me before. No one has ever had the balls to do it. It was rather a blow to say the least, I was shocked. I didn’t know how to react at first. It was another new experience to add to the list I seemed to be accumulating. Having had time to calm down, I regained my composure and assessed the situation. It was actually…rather amusing. Thinking about it now, I’d gotten myself all worked up over something he’d said; something slightly insulting… something insignificant. I’ve never allowed anyone to get to me before, not like this. It was only Tseng for goodness sake. He meant nothing to me. So why was I so bothered?

Admittedly, it deflated my ego a tad. I’d never had a bad experience with intimacy. I’d never disappointed my partners in the past. It was always I who was unsatisfied, the one left unfulfilled. He left me questioning my skills and abilities, now that concerned me. The fact that he had the nerve to tell me to my face was actually rather bold. I admired him for that. As I said, it’s never been done before. It still didn’t eliminate that fact that he exploited me, got me when I was susceptible and defenseless to his actions. For that he would pay. But there must have been reason for it, he wouldn’t mistreat me without motive…or would he? Thinking over the circumstances, I felt I acted out of character. I went about it the wrong way and allowed my emotions to take over. Usually that wouldn’t have happened. With anyone else…that WOULDN’T have happened. With him, he somehow manages to irritate me more than most. I can’t understand why that is. He doesn’t do anything, doesn’t say much. But those eyes of his, the way they stare. The way they bore into mine with emotionless expression, it makes me shudder just thinking about it. Why the hell was he getting to me? Why was I allowing him to? The fact of the matter is that he means nothing to me- nothing at all…so why wouldn’t my mind accept that?

***

I opened one eye, and sat myself up. Stretching out my arms, I yawned with exhaustion. Was it time to get up already?

I turned to the window; no light was emerging through the curtains. It must still be dark outside. I leaned over the bed and looked at the clock. Yes, it was still far too early. I settled back down and closed my eyes. I had at least another four hours’ worth of sleep. I intended to use them. Just as I regained my comfort, I heard the sound of the bed side lamp being switched on. I felt a hand clamp over my mouth and my eyes shot open instantly. I tried to shout, but my voice was muffled. Tried to sit up but I was restrained to the bed. What the fuck? I struggled beneath the force, it was him again. What the hell did he want? I stopped struggling and remained still. Squinting at the new found brightness, I tried to catch sight of his face. My eyes hadn’t quite adjusted to the light just yet. My vision was still a blur. I remained motionless and glared defiantly. He noticed my change in action and removed his hand from my mouth, but still confined my body to the bed.

“Can I help you?” I inquired coldly. I could finally see him clearly at last.

He stayed silent, shifting his weight from me slightly instead.

“Tseng, stop with the games already. What the hell do you want?”

He leaned in closer, approaching my face; leaving mere inches between us. I wasn’t amused. “Tseng, I don’t know why you’ve come here. And quite frankly, I don’t care. Now get off of me before I become even more enraged than I already am.”

He smiled, but his eyes narrowed as he did. “Will you just shut up and listen. Or do I have to cover your mouth up again?”

I laughed sarcastically. He wanted me to listen. Like I cared what he had to say. “Excuse me. Listen, to you. Why the hell should I?”

“Because you have no choice.” He replied, sitting up straight and viewing me from above. I raised an eyebrow and sank back against the mattress. He was correct, I didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t go anywhere, not unless I wanted to fight him. I suppose I could have, we’d be evenly matched. But that would be pointless, why should I be forced to leave? This was my bed after all and I’d just got myself comfortable again.

I yawned, displaying my obvious lack of interest “What’s changed? You had every opportunity to defend yourself in the office but you chose not to. Why should I start paying attention to you now?”

“You’ve calmed down, that’s what’s changed. You might actually act rationally and listen, rather than constantly shouting.”

I shrugged and curled my lip into a smirk “What did you expect? That I’d be fine with the situation? Fine with the fact you’ve been entering my house at night and having your way with me, fine with the fact that you even insulted me afterwards by telling me how bad it was. Of course I was going to be a little upset. I think I had just cause to be.”

He sighed in response.

“Well, go on Tseng, I’m all ears. You’ve got me here now, I can’t exactly go anywhere.” This time it was I who remained silent, looking up expectantly; my face wiped of expression. He was lucky I was giving him another chance to explain. It’d be interesting to see what he came out with.

The awkwardness of the situation was apparent, his face seemed troubled and his speech had depleted. We’d be here all night at this rate. So I spoke.

“Tseng, I thought you said that you hated every minute of it. If that was the case, then why did you keep returning? Why didn’t you just keep the hell away from me?”

He eventually smiled and met my eyes. “I hated the situation, that didn’t mean I hated the participation side. What can I say, the sex was exceptional. Being with you was exceptional. The fact that I spent all that time making you happy, for you to just turn over and go to sleep, forgetting all about it five minutes later was slightly annoying. All of the things you did and the things you said were when you were under the influences of alcohol…slightly frustrating also. You probably didn’t mean a word of it, did you?”

I smiled back, “As I told you before, I’d have never allowed you to approach me if I hadn’t been.”

“You’re not drunk now.” He whispered curiously, running his eyes over my semi naked form.

“Very observant” I answered bluntly; the look on my face was anything but pleased.

“You’ve allowed me to approach you tonight, you haven’t pushed me away.”

I smirked sarcastically, removing his hand as it stroked my cheek, pushing it lazily away. “I’m tired, Tseng. Have you seen what time it is? My lack of enthusiasm towards the issue and the fact that you mean nothing to me could have played a part in it as well. Now, if that’s everything, please leave. I have to be up for work in a few hours, and I get very irritable if I don’t get enough sleep.”

“You really want me to leave?” He said with slight confusion, distancing his hand.

“Yes, Tseng - I want you to leave.” Well, it was the truth. I was very tired at this point.

He climbed from my body and stood by the bed. “Where does this leave us now?”

I turned onto my side with my back was now facing him. I snuggled down into the pillow and sighed with comfortable content.

He growled angrily as I continued to obviously ignore him “Rufus?”

I yawned and sustained my ignorance. He became annoyed and headed towards the door. I rolled once more on to my back, turning my head to face him “Tseng?”

He paused, looking back over his shoulder “Yes?”

“Turn the lamp off before you leave.”
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Ever get the feeling you're being watched?