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The Pursuit of Pleasure	By : ArdwynnaMorrigu Category: Final Fantasy VII > Het - Male/Female Views: 1129 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII is
the property of Square-Enix. No profit is sought from
this work. I own nothing but Henry, Irene and Ethel. You can borrow them but
you�d be some kind of sick nut to want them.
Notes: I like Cloud as well as yaoi and shounen-ai, so any �bashing� in this fic
is strictly for humorous effect.
Warnings: This fic contains dirty euphemisms left and right, some
Cloud-bashing, light m/m content, total loss of dignity for Sephiroth
and overall, no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
The
Pursuit of Pleasure
Stage
One: Desire
It was a dark and
cloudless night. Hey, they can�t all be stormy and if this particular one had
been, most likely nothing would have happened in the first place. Anyway, it
was a dark and cloudless night.
It was a Cloudless
night too for Aeris and Sephiroth,
who having finally admitted their deep, undying, animal attraction for each
other, had decided to get their freaks on, as the saying goes. Planning the
horizontal aerobics session proved a bit more difficult than they expected,
since Aeris was currently traveling with a certain
unsavory specimen of Cumulus who wanted nothing more than to rain on Sephiroth�s parade. No doubt his picnic in Aeris� lawn would warrant the same treatment.
As it was, Aeris snuck out of camp, careful to avoid detection by the
aforementioned Cumulus, to meet her man on a flat expanse behind some
shrubbery. In anticipation of the night�s limb mingling, Sephiroth
had spread his coat as a makeshift mattress and set several flares up in order
to create an atmosphere of something remotely resembling romance.
They fell instantly
into each other�s arms and after a two-minute attempt at the supposedly
prerequisite foreplay, they were both stripped down
and ready to do the dirty work. Sephiroth leaned over
Aeris, eager for what she offered, but as he did so,
she looked down and frowned at him. He froze, but kept grinning. Women often
were alarmed at the size of the pipe he had to lay. It was no surprise.
�Don�t worry,� he
said. �I�ll be gentle.� He leaned in again but Aeris
put both hands against his chest and pushed him away. �What�s the matter?� he
asked. �Changed your mind.�
�No,� Aeris said, �but aren�t you going to wrap that thing?�
Sephiroth
looked confused. �Wrap it?�
�Yes,
Sephiroth. Wrap it in rubber, put on a
raincoat, you know.�
Sephiroth
frowned, then gave her the classic puppy look. Since
he was over six feet tall, buck naked and evil, it did not look too convincing
on him, but he tried anyway. �Come on, baby, you can trust me. Tonight is
supposed to be special. I want to feel everything.�
Aeris
pushed him off and frowned at him. �Oh no you don�t, Bub.
I�ve heard that line before. Either dress to impress or send the little guy
home for the night.�
Sephiroth
immediately realized two things. First, he would have to wrap the wiener if he
wanted to get some tail that night and second, Aeris
had dared to call Mr. Masamune a �little guy�. Since Sephiroth was a man who counted pride as a priority, he
opted to defend his honor first.
�What the hell do
you mean �little�?� He roared. �And where the hell have you heard any �line�
before too?�
Aeris
rolled her eyes at him. �Oh, please! You�re not the first man I�ve let stroke
the kitty, if that�s what you were hoping, and, yes, your one-eyed soldier is
fairly impressive, but I�ve seen bigger.�
Sephiroth
was furious. He leaned back on his knees and yelled, �Who the hell could
possibly beat this magnificent specimen?� The organ in question wagged up and
down in agreement with him.
Aeris
rolled her eyes again. �My first boyfriend. I think
you knew him. His name was Zack.�
Sephiroth�s
face fell and so did Mr. Masamune. �That is so
unfair,� he whimpered. �I had bigger feet and everything.� Mr. Masamune wagged again and flopped down.
Aeris
felt a bit bad about her outburst now. If Sephiroth
wasn�t in the mood anymore, she would not be getting to the Promised Land
tonight. �Come on, now. It�s not the size of the ship that matters. It�s the
motion in the ocean, right?� Sephiroth shrugged. Aeris leaned over and touched his shoulder. �You know,� she
whispered as she trailed a hand down the man�s back. �I�ve always heard no one
could match your skill with a sword.�
Mr. Masamune bobbed up and down in agreement. Sephiroth grinned. �Damn straight! Let�s get it on!� He
pushed Aeris back to the ground. She rolled her eyes
at him again.
�Seph? You remember our original problem?�
The man froze. �Right. Rubber. You got one?�
Aeris
frowned. �No. Don�t you?�
�Hey, it�s been a
while.� Sephiroth looked around.
In the town called
Perfect, prophylactics grow on shrubbery so that no Don Juan should ever be
caught in an indelicate position unprepared, but Sephiroth
and Aeris were nowhere near Perfect
at the time. Sephiroth sighed.
Considering that Aeris had once bumped uglies with
Zack, of all people, he figured that the situation really did warrant either
sheathing his sword or polishing it himself for the night. �I guess I better go
get something. Wait here for me.� He stood and grabbed his pants. �I�ll be back
as soon as I can.� And so the man wandered out of the field into the closest
town in search of a pharmacy that was still open that time of night.
It did not take too
long to find one, given that the building was so lit
up inside that it glowed. Sephiroth stood nearly
blind in the entrance as the doors slid closed behind him. It had been quite a
while since he had done anything like this. If he had been any younger, he
might have blushed. As it was, he slunk all the way to the back of the store,
hoping that he could avoid notice.
There was a fairly
long line at the counter and Sephiroth found himself
standing behind a redhead with headphones in his ears. Sephiroth
counted his lucky stars that nobody seemed to be paying attention. Luck was not
with him though. The redhead turned around in the middle of a dance move.
Of course, it was
none other than that degenerate Turk, Reno.
The man took his headphones off. �Sephy-boy!
What are you doing here?� Sephiroth glared at him but
Reno had never
been one to be put off by a simple look. �Seriously, Sephiroth,
what are you doing here at this time of night. And topless
too.�
Sephiroth
frowned. �None of your business. What are you doing
here?�
Reno grinned. �What else is a man going to be
doing in the back of a pharmacy at this time of night, eh?� He winked and
nudged Sephiroth. �That�s it, isn�t it? Who�s the
girl?�
�None
of your business!� Sephiroth yelled.
�Okay, okay. It�s
your secret. I can respect that.� Reno
grinned again and turned away. Sephiroth only had
time for half a sigh of relief before Reno
turned around again. �Is it a guy?�
Sephiroth
spluttered. �It�s not a guy!�
�Really?
I thought you were screwing that blond kid, Cloud.�
Sephiroth
glared. �Why the hell would you think a thing like that? I�m screwing WITH him,
not screwing him! There�s a difference. I don�t do guys and even if I did, I�d
have more taste than to fuck that one!�
Reno shrugged. �Hey, if you want to confine
yourself to one gender it�s fine by me. And watch your
language. There�s womenfolk behind you.� He put his
headphones back on and resumed swaying to the beat.
Sephiroth
turned around. Two old ladies, one in a pink sweater and one in blue, had joined
the line behind him. They both looked up hurriedly as he spun around. The
swordsman glanced at the ground around him but he could not find what they had
been looking at. He turned his back on them warily. Something about the way
their glasses glinted under the fluorescent lights was, for the lack of a more
sophisticated term, downright creepy.
Reno was still happily dancing. Sephiroth�s eyes widened at the way the redhead�s hips
wiggled. As the line moved forward, all the hints and signs that the swordsman
had never paid too much attention to before began to coagulate in his mind.. Was Reno�?
His suspicions were
confirmed when Reno
got up to the counter. The old man behind it apparently recognized the Turk. �I
got your usual right here, sir,� he said.
�Thanks, Henry!� Reno reached into his
pants. �Aw, man, I forgot my wallet! Could you hold this for me.
I�ll just run out to the car and borrow the cash from my boyfriend.�
�No problem,� Henry
said. �Just hurry back. I know he doesn�t like to be kept waiting.�
�Boyfriend?�
Sephiroth asked.
�Yeah, boyfriend,� Reno replied. �I know, I
know. You can�t believe Randy Raunchy Reno is actually going steady.�
�Boyfriend?�
Sephiroth repeated.
�Don�t tell me you
hadn�t figured it out.�
Sephiroth
said nothing. Reno
smirked. �Rather dense of you, overall. It�s not like
I tried to hide it. But then I always did say you soldier-boys are thicker than
most.� He gave the swordsman a glance below the belt that left the man feeling
distinctly uncomfortable.
�Can I help you, sir?�
Henry asked.
Sephiroth
stumbled up to the counter. �Give me, um, uh�� He almost turned pink. He knew
what he wanted but could not bring himself to say the word.
�Some�?� Henry
prompted.
Sephiroth
took a breath and tried again. �I need c�co��
�Cotton
balls?� Henry asked. �They�re in aisle four.�
The swordsman shook
his head. �No, no, I mean, I need a box of co�con��
�Contact
lenses? What�s your brand?�
Sephiroth
groaned and slumped forward onto the counter. This tongue-tied embarrassment
was ridiculous for a man of his age and experience. The two old ladies tittered
behind him.
�We know what he
needs,� one of them said. They tittered some more.
Henry threw his arms
up. �You girls better help me out then. I�m not sure what he wants.�
�Oh, Henry,� said
the one in the pink sweater. �You always were dense about this, even when you
were his age.�
�Think about it,
Henry,� the one in blue piped up. �He�s here at this hour, he�s in a hurry and
he�s got no shirt on.�
�Not to mention he�s
in the finest pair of leather pants this side of Midgar.�
�Mmhmm!�
Henry scratched his
grey head. Sephiroth stood up slowly. His face turned
sixteen different shades of red, not that he cared, since the only shade of red
he had ever been interested in was �blood�. He stared helplessly at the
clueless elderly gent behind the counter, then tried
once more.
�I need�I need�� The
shame was too much. He tried to gather his nerve, but was interrupted by the
distinct feel of wiry fingers pinching his behind. He whipped around to
confront the wizened, nosy old bag who had dared to test the firmness of his
prize-winning gluteus maximus. The glint in her eyes
scared him silent.
�Don�t sweat it,
honey. Let Mama Irene take care of this for you.� The grey-haired lady in the
pink sweater pushed him aside. �Henry, get the boy some love gloves! The kind with the zap.�
�Zap?� Sephiroth could not have looked more worried if he tried.
�You know, zap,
stuff that kills your swimmers.� The blue-sweatered
lady nudged his arm. �That�s the whole reason you�re here isn�t it? So you
won�t get some girl knocked up.�
Sephiroth
turned three more shades of red and two of purple. He caught his reflection in
Mama Irene�s glasses and was absolutely horrified. He was beginning to look
like a rather fine berry, with his pale hair like whipped cream on top.
Fortunately, thoughts of whipped cream reminded him of the pretty naked girl he
had left in the field and he glared at Henry with strengthened resolve.
�One box of extra
large condoms, please,� he requested, with no hint of a stammer or a stutter.
However, his newly regained courage was not to last long.
�I told you he was a
big one, Ethel!� Mama Irene declared.
The old hag in the
blue sweater did not seem impressed. �I never said he wasn�t big, just that
there are some who are bigger.�
Sephiroth
slumped forward onto the counter in shame again.
�Hurry it up back
there, Henry!� Irene yelled. �A girl doesn�t stay young forever!�
Sephiroth
groaned.
�Here you go!� Henry
dropped the long-awaited box into a brown paper bag, apparently as eager for
the ordeal to be over as Sephiroth was. �That�ll be
twelve gil.�
Sephiroth
reached into his pants pocket. There was nothing there. �Oh damn! I put my
wallet in my coat and the coat�s under the girl.�
Irene and Ethel
tittered some more. Henry rolled his eyes at the sky. �Just do like your friend
did, then. Run on over and get it. I�m not going anywhere tonight.�
The swordsman was in
no mood to make useless trips back and forth and to be honest,
the field was quite a distance away from the town of Not-Perfect. Fortunately, Sephiroth
possessed the unnatural ability to call on his belongings to appear whenever he
needed them.
He stood straight
and stiff and focused all his will for a moment, envisioning the precise
location of the desired object. He sent forth a flash of power and felt the
surge that meant success. The power subsided and he smiled, waiting for the
item to appear.
Masamune
landed hilt first on his back and sent him tumbling to the floor.
�Oh, honey, are you
alright?� Irene bent down to help him up. �That certainly is a very big sword.
Where did it come from?�
Sephiroth
picked up the weapon and glared at it. He had asked for his wallet, not his
weapon. Sometimes it seemed that both his swords had minds of their own.
He pulled himself up. �It�s mine.�
�Hmph,�
Ethel grunted. �You know what they say about men who need big weapons.�
Sephiroth
whirled on her. �I am NOT compensating for anything!�
�That
so?� She eyed him speculatively. �Prove it.�
�What?� Sephiroth began to doubt his hearing.
�Take off your
pants, honey,� Irene said, giggling all the while. Sephiroth
was so furious that he might have begun turning red again if not for the fact
that he felt more green at the moment.
�Ladies,� Henry put
in, �Might I remind you that the young man still has to pay for the
merchandise?�
�Oh, hell, Henry,�
Irene barked. �He�s got no money and there�s a girl waiting. You don�t want
some poor girl getting in the family way over twelve gil, do you?�
�Well�,� Henry
considered the options.
�Tell you what,
Henry,� Ethel announced. �If this young man drops his pants and proves that
he�s as well-hung as he claims, I�ll pay for the rubbers.�
Irene grinned. �Good
one, Ethel.�
Henry sighed and Sephiroth stared at them as if they were a few eggs short
of an omelet. �Uh�� Sephiroth said and looked at the
old man, hoping for some testosterone-based support in this situation.
Henry did not look
too optimistic. �I�m really not seeing too many options here.�
Ethel and Irene
grinned and the light reflected off their glasses with an almost-hellish glow.
�Take �em off, boy. Show Mama the goods!�
TBC�.
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The Pursuit of Pleasure