All he wanted

-All he wanted-


Disclaimer: The characters Cid Highwind and Vincent Valentine belong to Square not me, I'm not making money from this, etc.

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Cid stayed where he was when he heard metal tipped boots clanking softly on the deck behind him. "Hey Vince."

"Hello Cid, how are you?"

"All right." He felt Vincent standing behind him, slightly to his right. He wanted to look back at him, but the weight on his shoulders was too much. It would only temporarily lift itself when he let himself stand right here, at the edge of the deck, with the guardrail pressed hard against his stomach. The wind coming through this area wasn't very rough, but it was always present, and it helped Cid imagine he was free. "Wish I hadn't run out of fucking tea." He couldn't help grinning to himself when he heard Vincent's soft laugh.

"So quickly? You just brought on a crate at our last stop, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but I've been going through it like crazy."

Vincent's Turk skills of observation told him now what they had been telling him for several days now. Being leader of Avalanche in its current situation was driving Cid to the brink of exhaustion or even insanity. His only substance seemed to be tea and cigarettes, because Vincent couldn't remember Cid having actually eaten anything in front of him. Although he was even rougher and seemed to have an abundance of swears (including some he had never heard of before), he was a good leader. Of course, that was only because he took so many responsibilites onto himself, compared to how many Cloud took care of when he was still well. "I have a little bit left from the share you gave me. Would you like some?"

The blond turned to face him, sincerely thankful though his forced smile might have given anyone else doubts. "Fuck yeah, thanks Vince."

The gunman could easily see through Cid's smile, but he knew him well enough to know what it meant. It wasn't so people wouldn't know he was having trouble in an arrogant way, but so as to not worry them. He did return the smile in his own way, then led Cid to his room. He had originally planned to just give him some tea, but he decided it'd be better if he spent some time with Cid. He invited him into his room, and told him to go ahead and sit on the only chair next to a small writing table. The ex-Turk then started heating the water in his electirc water heater that he had asked Cid for early in the trip. Once that was set he went over to sit on the bed, facing Cid.

The captain felt some of his stress leave him, though there was now a new type that started to overcome him. Perhaps only a few days after he, Cloud, and Cait Sith found the gunman did he realize he did had deep feelings for him, perhaps because of their past. He had been freindly with him, and the two mutually recognized the bond of friendship that was created within the first week after Vincent had been taken from underneath the Nibbelheim mansion. But part of Cid wanted so much more, though he promised himself to never admit it. He didn't want to risk losing his best friend.

He didn't realize that Vincent was handing him a cup until he felt his heavy claw arm gently tap his shoulder. "Sorry Vince. I musta' been a million miles away." He took the cup, trying to act calmer than he really was.

Vincent could easily see how much Cid's hand was shaking though, since the tea kept swishing around inside. "Are you sure you're all right?"

Sipping slowly, Cid sighed and placed the cup on the table. He had wanted to shrug off the question, but he just couldn't. "No. I don't think I am." He leaned forward, resting his head in his hands while his elbows rested on his knees. He was proud of himself for keeping any shaking out of his voice, but that was it. The jig was up. He heard Vincent walk behind him, then surprisingly, the ex-Turk was pulling off his jacket. //What the hell is he doing?!// Cid was so startled he didn't stop Vincent, he only kept looking forward, shocked. He realized what his innocent intentions were though, once the brunet started massaging his shoulders, which were like one huge knot of toughened muscle. At first Cid wanted him to stop, since it was just teasing him. But he realized how much he needed it as Vincent skillfully worked out the knots, soothing his overstressed muscles.

Vincent was careful not to cut Cid with his claw. He had worried that Cid might object to this, but was glad when he didn't. As he worked with Cid he felt the taunt muscles slowly start to relax under his touch.

After a few minutes Cid felt more at peace and relaxed than he had been in a long time. He knew Vincent would stop soon, and he dind't want him to. He took a deep breath and decided to take a gamble as well. He got up, looking back at Vincent in a half-smile, half-plea. Without saying anything in reponse to his puzzled face, Cid went over to Vincent's bed and sat down where the brunet had been earlier. "Vince... I need... uh..."

"What is it Cid?" //Did I go too far? Did I make him uncomfortable?// He stepped a bit closer to Cid, worried.

"... Vince... I don't know if I can do this. I need... something." Even though he wanted it desperatly, there was no way Cid could put it into words. He decided showing Vincent might be easier. Taking yet another deep breath, he managed to take off his shirt, somewhat nervously keeping his hands in his lap. He looked up at Vincent, like a child afraid of a beating.

//He... wants that?// Vincent understood him, but he could not figure out why he'd want sex from him. Then again, they were friends, right? And friends helped each other out, without hesitating. So he gave him a reassuring smile as he got up and walked over to him. "All right Cid." Not knowing exaclty how to procede, Vincent decided the best thing to do was just hurry up and get to it.

Cid allowed everything without the slightest hesitation. He let Vincent kiss him, and kissed back. Though he hurried to take off his own clothes, he was careful and respectful when undressing Vincent. He didn't realize that being so cautious and timid actually helped Vincent do this, to be more confident than he otherwise would have been. Cid was pressed down against the bed, panting hard at the feeling of Vincent's perfect naked body on top of his. He wasn't afraid of what could happen, and it wasn't just his trust of Vincent that kept this faith. It was also the fact that he had waited so long for him to be held by Vincent, to be providing him with as much sexual enjoyment as he was getting in return. Or rather, had gotten.

Vincent assumed Cid's lack of aggressiveness (but not lack of anything else) was just because he was physcially and emoitonally drained. He enjoyed making Cid make pleasured noises, and he could not help doubly enjoying the look of desparate passion in his eyes. No matter what Vincent did, Cid alwasys reciprocated. Even a small part of Vincent was tempted to hurt the blond, just to see what would happen, but he easily ignored the idea, and instead took great care to only please his lover.

It was over in just a little bit, since both men, once excited, could not hold back what they had been trying to do without for several years each. Cid lay on his side staring at the wall with Vincent spooned up behind him, an arm wrapped around his waist to keep him close. Once he was positive the ex-Turk had fallen asleep, he allowed a few tears to drop from his eyes, though he did not make a sound.

//He doesn't remember me. He said whatever Hojo did had erased a lot of his memory, but I hoped he'd at least fucking rememebr me.// Cid swallowed another sob that threatened to escape, thinkng about the past. He had known Vincent before the brunet had been sealed in the coffin beneath the masnion. He would never say he was "molested" by the ex-Turk, but only because he had wanted it when he was young, and felt it was what he deserved for flirting with such a dangerous man. Anyone else with any sense would have tried to report him, regardless of the fact he was a Turk. But then, how could something he went into with his eyes wide open be wrong? Plus, although it had been a rough first time, it had been something he had been despearate to have again.

Cid had barely gotten his pilot's training when he met Vincent at lunch one day. They had to share a table, because all the others were mostly full. Conversation flowed failry well between them, and Vincent had offered for him to go to his room, and perhaps watch some TV as they got to know each other better. Cid, not realizing yet what Vincent meant, had eagerly agreed, enjoying his new freindship.

Only a few minutes after they were together in Vincent's room, watching TV while sitting next to each other on the couch, did Vincent start moving closer and Cid neck without any explanantion. It had led to a short, but intense, lustful experience before Vincent asked Cid to leave because he had to get up early in the morning.

Cid hadn't seen Vincent after that, because the Turk had gone on a mission to Nibbelheim and never returned. Initially Cid felt he had been taken advantage of, but he had only the slightest touch of any of the signs of sexual abuse, which he refused to let himself believe that was what it was. He knew that while Vincent had taken advantage of him in the fact the he wanted love while Vincent only wanted sex, but that was it. Otherwise he was completely conseting, and even hopeful to do it again.

To find Vincent again, aftrer all these years, had twisted at Cid's heart. That was why he was overjoyed they had a friendship, "clicking" well. Sighing soflty to himself, Cid put his hand on Vincent's. //Better a friendship than nothing. And we did have this, that should be enough for me.// All ready starting to worry about what he'd have to do the next day, he forced himself to push it aside. Tonight he had had one hell of a night, and he was going to enjoy the memories forever. He felt he had deserved it for having had to wait so many years. He turned to face Vincent, pressing his face to his chest. The ex-Turk woke up only slightly, just adjusting himself to hold Cid more securely, but then went back to sleep. That was all that Cid wanted.