Final Fantasy Night Live!
folder
Final Fantasy Games › Final Fantasy Misc
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
708
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Final Fantasy Games › Final Fantasy Misc
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
708
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Final Fantasy series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Final Fantasy Night Live!
Vivi: *Ahem* Looks like I'm the only one here. *Cough, cough* Where's the host of our show? What am I doing here all alone? And---*Unscrews something from under his hat and pulls it out.*---Why is this a 40-watt? No wonder my eyes are uneven. *Throws it behind his back with a crash and reaches for a nearby Stage Light.*
Stage Light: Excuse me, but that's MY light bulb.
Vivi: Too bad. Gimme!
Stage Light: Come get some!
[Battle music ensues]
[Stage Light: 2000/2000]
[Vivi: 140/140]
Stage Light: *Jumps forward and whacks Vivi with spinning shutter blades.* Haha!
[Vivi sustains 30 damage]
Vivi [110/140]: Shut up, you overgrown flashlight . . . *Runs and kicks two of the shutter blades off*
[Stage Light sustains 120 damage]
Stage Light [1880/2000]: *Whips cord out and tries to trip Vivi.*
Vivi: *Grabs the end of the cord and begins to jump rope with it.*
[Stage Light sustains 300 damage]
Stage Light [1580/2000]: Argh! You little bastard! *Rips the cord out of Vivi's hands and spanks him with it.*
[Vivi sustains 90 damage]
Vivi [20/140]: Now you're making me mad . . .
[Flashes of light surround Vivi, and he leaps into the air, clad in bright, glowing clothing]
[Trance!]
Trance Vivi: Eat shit and die, motherfucker. *Casts Double Black Flare.*
Stage Light: God! God no!! WHYYYYYY?!?!?! *Fries!*
Trance Vivi: *Grins* Wait for it . . .
Stage Light: FUUUUUUCK! *Fries again!*
[Stage Light sustains 9999 damage]
Stage Light [0/2000]: *Dies*
[Victory music]
[Vivi receives Stage Light!]
Vivi: *Jumps on top of the crispy Stage light and tackles it to the ground.* Some idiot put a 40-watt in my left eye socket. I need a 60-watt, and you've got one. *Removes the light bulb and screws it into his head.*
[Nothing happens]
Vivi: Fuck, isn't that just peachy? I got a dead light bulb. > <
Unseen Voice: Speed, marker. *Claps movie shutter*
Vivi: *Watching as the lights cut on* Christ, it was a scripted battle. Motherfuckin'-god-dammit-fuck-me-with-a-fuckin'-mother's-motherfuckin'-fatherfuckin'-airship-cannon- *Runs and jumps the director for a 60-watt bulb.* Gimme, damnit. *Yells* GARNET!
[Pattering footsteps]
Garnet: *Peeks head in the stage door* What is it, Vivi?
Vivi: *Big, round eyed look. Sniffle. Sniffle.*
Director: Oh geez. Here we go again. *Rolls eyes.*
Vivi: *Runs to Garnet's side.* They-they left me alone in the dark . . . and my makeup artist put in the wrong bulb . . . and . . . and . . . *Cries* It's not fair! I'm only nine years old! I shouldn't have to be treated like this! Why me? Why?!?!?! *Wails and throws a tantrum!*
Garnet: *Glares at director.* You have some explaining to do.
Director: Yeah, yeah. *Pulls off hat to reveal black hair with mousy brown roots, and straightens oval glasses on her nose.*
Vivi: Oh shit . . . looks like I'm in trouble . . . it's HER . . .
Director: *Runs up to the stage with a microphone.* Garnet, you have to take the bad with the good . . . *Pats.* . . . 'cause I'm Ganymede Pendragon, and this is Final Fantasy Night Live!
Final Fantasy Night Live!
Episode 1
Audience: *Roars with laughter and applause.*
VVL69: Welcome, welcome, everyone! Vivi, you've been a big help.
Vivi: Can I have my beer now?
VVL69: Sure you can, kid. *Tosses him a Budweiser.* So, Garnet, thank you for being a part of this first episode.
Vivi: *Cracks open beer, only to be sprayed in the face.* Ack! Blub! *Chucks the spraying beer can at a wall.*
VVL69: Should have warned you. Cue next scene!
Ragtime Mouse: Welcome to our show! Our three contestants are Cloud, the chocobo-haired airhead from Final Fantasy VII; the ORIGINAL Black Mage from Final Fantasy I; and Butz . . . *reads card* Oh dear. Was that Bartz? . . . No, no, it says Butz.
Audience: *Sprays cola out their noses and roars.*
Ragtime Mouse: Anyway, here's the first question. I think it will be pretty easy for all of you . . . although I make no claim to be right ALL the time.
[True and False icons appear behind RM]
Ragtime Mouse: "The final design for Vivi Ornitier came from Final Fantasy Tactics' Black Wizard design. True or False?"
Cloud: *Runs and attacks True icon with his giant sword*
Ragtime Mouse: *Grins widely* I'm sorry, that's incorrect!
[True icon blows up, showering Cloud in panties that could comfortably seat a Mack truck]
Ragtime Mouse: Don't be discouraged, Cloud, we have a lovely parting gift for you. Since you like women so much, here's a token from the most notable woman of Final Fantasy IX!
Cloud: These don't look like Princess Garnet's panties. *Holds them up* I could ride my motorcycle around in these things!
Ragtime Mouse: Well, she was certainly a famous woman, but not the most notable woman. Here she is, the lovely Royal Highness herself!
[Curtain parts to reveal the overly obese Queen Brahne from IX]
Brahne: *Squeals and bounces like a fangirl* It's CLOUD!!!
Cloud: Uh oh . . . I'm out of here---!
[Brahne chases Cloud around the room and finally lands on him, popping his head off]
Cloud: *Dies*
Ragtime Mouse: And that's all the time we have for today's episode! Come back and see us again soon! *Turns around* I do believe you're on a roll, Cloud! Now if only we could get a medic in here . . .
end of first episode
Stage Light: Excuse me, but that's MY light bulb.
Vivi: Too bad. Gimme!
Stage Light: Come get some!
[Battle music ensues]
[Stage Light: 2000/2000]
[Vivi: 140/140]
Stage Light: *Jumps forward and whacks Vivi with spinning shutter blades.* Haha!
[Vivi sustains 30 damage]
Vivi [110/140]: Shut up, you overgrown flashlight . . . *Runs and kicks two of the shutter blades off*
[Stage Light sustains 120 damage]
Stage Light [1880/2000]: *Whips cord out and tries to trip Vivi.*
Vivi: *Grabs the end of the cord and begins to jump rope with it.*
[Stage Light sustains 300 damage]
Stage Light [1580/2000]: Argh! You little bastard! *Rips the cord out of Vivi's hands and spanks him with it.*
[Vivi sustains 90 damage]
Vivi [20/140]: Now you're making me mad . . .
[Flashes of light surround Vivi, and he leaps into the air, clad in bright, glowing clothing]
[Trance!]
Trance Vivi: Eat shit and die, motherfucker. *Casts Double Black Flare.*
Stage Light: God! God no!! WHYYYYYY?!?!?! *Fries!*
Trance Vivi: *Grins* Wait for it . . .
Stage Light: FUUUUUUCK! *Fries again!*
[Stage Light sustains 9999 damage]
Stage Light [0/2000]: *Dies*
[Victory music]
[Vivi receives Stage Light!]
Vivi: *Jumps on top of the crispy Stage light and tackles it to the ground.* Some idiot put a 40-watt in my left eye socket. I need a 60-watt, and you've got one. *Removes the light bulb and screws it into his head.*
[Nothing happens]
Vivi: Fuck, isn't that just peachy? I got a dead light bulb. > <
Unseen Voice: Speed, marker. *Claps movie shutter*
Vivi: *Watching as the lights cut on* Christ, it was a scripted battle. Motherfuckin'-god-dammit-fuck-me-with-a-fuckin'-mother's-motherfuckin'-fatherfuckin'-airship-cannon- *Runs and jumps the director for a 60-watt bulb.* Gimme, damnit. *Yells* GARNET!
[Pattering footsteps]
Garnet: *Peeks head in the stage door* What is it, Vivi?
Vivi: *Big, round eyed look. Sniffle. Sniffle.*
Director: Oh geez. Here we go again. *Rolls eyes.*
Vivi: *Runs to Garnet's side.* They-they left me alone in the dark . . . and my makeup artist put in the wrong bulb . . . and . . . and . . . *Cries* It's not fair! I'm only nine years old! I shouldn't have to be treated like this! Why me? Why?!?!?! *Wails and throws a tantrum!*
Garnet: *Glares at director.* You have some explaining to do.
Director: Yeah, yeah. *Pulls off hat to reveal black hair with mousy brown roots, and straightens oval glasses on her nose.*
Vivi: Oh shit . . . looks like I'm in trouble . . . it's HER . . .
Director: *Runs up to the stage with a microphone.* Garnet, you have to take the bad with the good . . . *Pats.* . . . 'cause I'm Ganymede Pendragon, and this is Final Fantasy Night Live!
Final Fantasy Night Live!
Episode 1
Audience: *Roars with laughter and applause.*
VVL69: Welcome, welcome, everyone! Vivi, you've been a big help.
Vivi: Can I have my beer now?
VVL69: Sure you can, kid. *Tosses him a Budweiser.* So, Garnet, thank you for being a part of this first episode.
Vivi: *Cracks open beer, only to be sprayed in the face.* Ack! Blub! *Chucks the spraying beer can at a wall.*
VVL69: Should have warned you. Cue next scene!
Ragtime Mouse: Welcome to our show! Our three contestants are Cloud, the chocobo-haired airhead from Final Fantasy VII; the ORIGINAL Black Mage from Final Fantasy I; and Butz . . . *reads card* Oh dear. Was that Bartz? . . . No, no, it says Butz.
Audience: *Sprays cola out their noses and roars.*
Ragtime Mouse: Anyway, here's the first question. I think it will be pretty easy for all of you . . . although I make no claim to be right ALL the time.
[True and False icons appear behind RM]
Ragtime Mouse: "The final design for Vivi Ornitier came from Final Fantasy Tactics' Black Wizard design. True or False?"
Cloud: *Runs and attacks True icon with his giant sword*
Ragtime Mouse: *Grins widely* I'm sorry, that's incorrect!
[True icon blows up, showering Cloud in panties that could comfortably seat a Mack truck]
Ragtime Mouse: Don't be discouraged, Cloud, we have a lovely parting gift for you. Since you like women so much, here's a token from the most notable woman of Final Fantasy IX!
Cloud: These don't look like Princess Garnet's panties. *Holds them up* I could ride my motorcycle around in these things!
Ragtime Mouse: Well, she was certainly a famous woman, but not the most notable woman. Here she is, the lovely Royal Highness herself!
[Curtain parts to reveal the overly obese Queen Brahne from IX]
Brahne: *Squeals and bounces like a fangirl* It's CLOUD!!!
Cloud: Uh oh . . . I'm out of here---!
[Brahne chases Cloud around the room and finally lands on him, popping his head off]
Cloud: *Dies*
Ragtime Mouse: And that's all the time we have for today's episode! Come back and see us again soon! *Turns around* I do believe you're on a roll, Cloud! Now if only we could get a medic in here . . .
end of first episode