Car Strife

Car Strife by Reno-san for Zeng Li Love ya, boss!

So it was another boring ass day at the office. I sat there contemplating life and why exactly I could never pick out the differences in flavor of the cherry vanilla cola I was drinking. My eyes cast out the window at a storm on the horizon. Nothing new there, I always have a bloody storm on my horizon. Too lazy to go outside for a smoke and the sounds of Elena chirping happily into her new cell phone makes me want to curl up in my office and sleep. I have got to get out of here today. I grab my patchwork hoodie and start to head out the door. Suddenly Tseng’s voice comes over the loudspeaker in my mind. “Did you do those reports? No? Why not? DO you want to die? Yap yap yap meow meow meow.” I peek cautiously out into the hallway. I have got to get outside for a little bit today. Not necessarily because I have anything to do out there just the random case of ADD that hits me now and again. Furthermore Tseng had gotten some kind of car that he had made a fuss about and I had to see what the big deal was.

“Reno?” Rude called from his office to me. I peeked my head in the door.

“Sup partner?” I gave him the big bullshit smile. He hates it.

“You know what’s ‘sup’.” His eyes never left his report.

“Uh, that I’m so damn cute?” I bat my eyes at him.

“I know what you’re thinking about.” He sighed heavily.

Actually I had no idea what this was in reference to. “Uh, no.”

He peeked over the top of his sunglasses. “Leave it alone, Reno.”

Wait, what? “Huh? I‘m not getting you.”

“Never mind, I’ll take care of your ass when you have it in a sling. Did you get your reports done, yet?”

Bullshit smile, got to keep the smile going on. “I’d like to buy a consonant and a vowel.”

Rude sighed dejectedly. “I take that as no.” He flung one of his seat cushions at me. “Take this you’ll need it to sit when Tseng finds out you haven’t even started your reports yet. And please, Reno.” He locks my in his gaze over his glasses. “Leave it alone, it cost a lot of money.” What the hell was he talking about? “So if you don’t want to be Tseng’s fucktoy for the next decade leave it alone or he’ll scratch your heart out.” What the hell…


So I begin to cross the doorway of Puss in Boots when I hear the low panthery growl. “Reno, what a pleasant surprise…” Oh, shit.

“Hi, boss.” I fix the bullshit smile with my best come hither eyes.

Within moments Tseng is rubbing up next to me. Now mind you he’s not really big but intimidating enough to force that shiver out of your spine. He sweeps my hair back and is inches from my ear. Damn you! “Now Reno.” He’s whispering in my ear. Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! “I know you‘ve gotten all of those reports done for me, haven’t you?”

“Ye-” Oh that’s the flash of light in the eyes you don’t want to see! “Uh, no….well not yet.

“Get them done, you don’t need to go outside every 15 minutes.” He gives me a lusty kiss on the neck and then shoves me back towards my office. Damn it, how am I going to get past Panther Puss today? Well I don’t really need to smoke anyway. Well 15 minutes later that damn cigarette is doing everything but the fucking cancan to get my attention. Hmm…I need a CATastrophe. Chirp, chirp, chirp. A grin melts across my face. I enter the office door with the bullshit smile again. “Hi Elena.” She snaps her phone shut and glares at me. She is the only person immune to my smile. Well I have pulled a lot of shit on her with it too.

“What do you want?” She’s already annoyed with me and suspicious.

“Well Tseng and I were talking and he really would like to get to know you.” I give her my secretive look. “Under him.” I didn’t even see her move until I saw she was out the door. That should keep him busy for a bit. “Hook, line and sinker.” I laugh as I wander out of her office.

“I’ll have a call to the paramedics for when you get back.” Rude’s voice traveled out of his office. I wander by the panther’s den to hear Elena chirping at her love interest.

So I stride through the office nodding at the various snickers and cheers I get. Scarlet is putting the moves on the new 16 year old. I keep walking…well that’s really not fair of me. I spin on my boot and saunter over to her telling him how she could suck a steak through a straw. “Yes but if she sucks your steak, you’ll need a year’s supply of antibiotic. Actually I still have some left, but that rotting disease is really something. Oh but you can get a good deal on antibiotics from Costa del Sol.” Scarlet is aghast, the kid ran crying to the bathroom and I’m heading out. I can swear I hear Tseng’s number being furiously typed on a phone. I laugh as I keep walking.

Low and behold I am finally outside. I look around the building, it’s a nice day after all. I strike up a smoke when I see the most beautiful car I have ever seen. Now I’m not into cars and know little about them. But this was the most amazing color of electric blue. I walked around the back of it. A Saleen? Hmm…never heard of it. Then I see the carved panther of jet sitting on the dashboard. I cast a wary glance back up to our office windows. Rude’s window is the only one that can see me. I have to drive this car. I look back to the beauty before me. The thought of the ass kicking I will receive crosses my mind. I look up at the tower again. I can see a figure out on one of the balconies. I freeze for a moment before I realize its Sephiroth. He passively watches me. I wonder for a moment if he would go get Tseng. But then it occurs to me that the two had a quibble over Scrabble and Seph is kind of the guy to hold a grudge. I look at the anti-theft device. I laugh. Hell, I grew up in the slums…top of line isn’t shit to me. The keys are in the ignition, just daring someone to take it. The door is open and my ass is in the seat. The thrill is better than sex. I slam the door and start the engine. It purrs so true I’m sure I could hump the steering wheel. I hate stick shifts but that’s okay. Oh the ass kicking I am about to receive. I head out of the gates of the Tower and onto the road.