A Break in Character
|By : Resting-Madness|
Category: Final Fantasy VIII > Yaoi - Male/Male > Irvine/Squall
Views: 620 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
|Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or setting of the Final Fantasy VIII universe and make no money from this work of fan fiction. It's all for fun.|
It was like a sick joke was being played on Irvine's senses. Balamb has a brown-out and the cadets are now occupying the other two Gardens. What cruel fate! Just when he was getting the hang of withholding his emotions towards Squall and their relationship, this had to happen. Irvine leaned forward, a hand on the heated tiled wall of the showers, and with the other hand he jerked himself off. It felt so good, his soap slippery grip was the perfect mimic to what he presumed Squall would feel like on the inside.
Gritting his teeth, he can taste Squall's skin between his lips, so memorized by his sense of taste, it wasn't a hard sell to imagine him there for the consumption of kisses.
"Ride me harder, cowboy. I can take it." Squall whispered when his head leaned back to better expose his throat.
And Irvine complied thoroughly, racing to the finish, thrust after thrust. How he wished it could be real! But alas... The sniper washed and dried, then dressed himself, before heading back to the dorms. Spent, restless, and dying inside. Squall should be sharing the dorm with him, not some ferret boy named Ferris. Sneaky little bastard. Why couldn't he just change rooms, sleep in the auditorium. He hates thinking about Squall in there, away from comfort and sandwiched between people he barely knows.
Squall must be losing it.
'Maybe I can throw the loser out. He'll wake up in the hall and, hopefully, take the hint.' Irvine cringed when he walked into the room.
He can still hear the guy apologizing, for shoving into him on the plane during training the day before. Ferris was all prayer hands and bows as he said again that he was sorry, and if he could make it up to him in some way. Irvine of course threw it out there that he'd like for him to find another room to bunk in. To which he'd received a reply of: "No way! You're cool. I wanna get to know you in the time we're here". Seriously! Who's like that?!
He climbed into bed, groaned in his pillow, then drifted off to sleep. He hoped Balamb would get fixed soon. Avoiding Squall was not only hurting him, but Squall as well. There was no way he didn't notice the distance he's been creating between them. Hopefully this will all be over soon, because the offenders will reveal themselves, he can deal with them, and get back to his much appreciated love life.
The morning classes were as usual. Squall, thankfully, wasn't in any of Irvine's classes. So, it was like any of day insofar as that aspect went. But meals were always trying. He had to get there before Squall, he felt uncomfortable sitting down after the restless lion has already been seated. Mostly due to Seifer and Zell leaving that chair beside Squall open. Were they trying to get him to cave in on himself?
Today he got lucky, and is currently sandwiched between the two blonds.
"What is this?" Zell whispered to Squall, he couldn't ask his other friends because they are currently gorging on the mystery fluid. Receiving a confused shrug from Squall, who had yet to taste the red liquid. Zell asked. "Seifer, you eat this stuff?"
"What is it?"
Seifer, and Irvine replied simultaneously. "Gazpacho."
Zell rolled his eyes. "That clears it up."
"It's tomato soup." Informed the sniper.
"But it's cold." Complained the starving martial artist.
Zell hasn't had one decent meal since they'd arrived. Where were the hot dogs? Where was the fish sticks. The only really familiar thing on the menu, that wasn't salad, has been corn. And they left it on the cob! Don't get Zell wrong, he loved the work aspect of Galbadia. Very officiant, very military verses mercenary. But the food is whack. No wonder they all have underlying anger issues. They don't have decent meals in their stomachs.
"I'll admit it, the food was strange to me," Seifer commented. "But, it's food all the same. So suck it up, and realize it only taste bad in your head."
Zell scoffed. "Figures you'd get used to it, traitor."
The ex-Balambmite held his hand to his chest. "Ouch. You see, it's comments like that which sent me packing."
"Yeah, yeah." He then mumbled. "Sorry." And he was. He knows how hard Seifer had it when Cid asked him to return. It was so bad he even felt sorry for the guy. Seifer, his worst enemy! But some of the things he'd heard come from other's mouths. Criminally disgusting.
"Pardon?" Seifer cupped his hand at his ear.
Zell turned up his nose. He may have felt sorry, but he wasn't going to get teased about it. "I said the food stinks. I'm sneaking into Balamb to get some real grub. I'll cook it myself."
"You can't go back to Balamb, Zell. You'll get in trouble." Reported Squall, who'd been silent up until then.
Irvine noticed his boyfriend seemed contemplative, and hadn't been trying to gain his attention with small gestures this lunch break. Yesterday, when Squall came to the cafeteria, he pretended to knock into his chair, it slid a bit closer to Irvine's. Rather than move it back to where it was, he just sat down. It was bliss feeling Squall's little brushes against him, it was also hell. He has to school down his urges for him even more now that he's going without them.
The pensive lion looked as though a light bulb had gone off in his mind from his comment. Although, Irvine couldn't imagine why. He actually hadn't heard what Squall had said, too busy simply basking in his voice. Oh, how he loves his voice. Every sentence a fluid motion like he'd swing that heavy gunblade. Just beautiful.
Irvine closed his eyes, basking. Until Seifer kicked him against his foot. Right. 'Right. Resist. Maybe it ain't so bad having Seifer know, after all.'
If anyone here were the perpetrators, they'd be watching him for sure. He finished his lunch, and like everyday since Balamb joined their Garden, he didn't linger at the table to chat. He grabbed his tray and bolted. Not realizing he had a tail, he nearly bumped into Squall when turning around from the tray drop off.
"Can we talk privately?" Asked his boyfriend.
Irvine's heart just about broke. He didn't know what was worse, the look in Squall's cute eyes or the tone in his voice, sounding quite put out. "Yeah. When?"
"Tonight. Balamb. In the Quad."
"Balamb? Ain't it off limits right now?"
"Which is why we'll have privacy."
"In the Quad?"
"You wanna take your chances being roasted to death in the small dorms?"
Raising a finger, he made a 'points' gesture as he said. "I do not. Good call."
"By nine. Curfew isn't until eleven."
"O.K." he stepped away, trying to not look as though he was running off.
Squall Leonhart is a dangerous man. One can't control themself to whatever feeling he brings out of you. Happy. Sad. Anger. Burning lust. For that soft hair, that warm flesh with all the right proportions. His scent is divine. Irvine slapped his hand to his forehead. He's doomed if he believes staying away from Squall romantically will be anything but impossible.
That night around six o'clock. He found himself on video chat with Selphie. She was truly back in her element. All boisterous to a contagious degree. "How's the food over there? Zell might jump ship and head over."
"Ahaha, it's pretty good if you like eating like you need to put on winter weight."
"Hmm. He should be happy tomorrow, they're serving corn dogs."
"Lucky him." She paused, then blurted out. "Irvine, I really have come around. I think I like you, and maybe we could try going out? Just one time." She put up a representative finger.
Irvine's heart was truly in an MMA match today. It was so unfair. "I'm sorry. I really can't." He sadly kindly. "I really do like you, but I've found out it's only as a friend. And yeah, maybe that's partially due to having interest in someone else, but it's also something I've figured out because of you."
With a smile, Selphie said. "My bad."
The sniper chuckled. "You're good. You knew all along."
"Yeah, I'm pretty epic at reading people." She laughed at his "Oh puleeze". Selphie was glad they wouldn't be awkward with each other.
The two spoke for a little over twenty five minutes before the call ended. His phone buzzed, a message from Squall was texted to him. It read: don't forget, 9 o'clock. Quad. How could he forget. It's where he's going to leave taint for as long as the hurt remains. He's going to break up with Squall. He worked on class assignments, read, kept a close eye on the clock. And when it hit 8:45 he made for the door.
"Irvine, where are you going?" Ferris asked. He got up from the desk and positioned himself practically on the sniper's back like a bag. "I thought we could hang out. I'm done with my work, too?"
"I have somewhere to be. Sorry."
"No, it's my fault. I must be getting on your nerves. I just think that you guys are all so cool.. big war heroes... I thought you'd rub off a little on an average cadet like me." He gave the sniper the most pathetic look.
Irvine cocked his head, it appeared he was looking at Ferris, but he was really looking past him at Seifer, who was making a gesture that Ferris was an ass-kisser. He completely agreed. He's never had a fan club before, and he doesn't want one starting up with Ferret Sergeant at the helm. He walked out of the dorm, but bolted for the main entrance. Showing his ID for permission to leave, he headed out and over to the darkened mass that was Balamb Garden.
The sniper stealthily slipped over the entrance barrier. He quickly cruised through the blackened hall to his destination. Places that are usually vibrant and thriving with life often seem haunted when they are in opposite of that. It was as if any minute some horrible ghoul would come skulking out of the shadows and try to gnaw his bones clean of muscle. His gaze eyed the training room as he passed by. The monsters may be SimU for the most part, but there are real captured monsters inside. And he has neither gun nor magic to aid him should one escape. And he's certain his punch isn't near strong enough to bother a monster as it would a man.
His footsteps echoed down the stairs leading into the main area of the Quad. It was brighter in there than he'd expected. The skylight was doing it's job bringing in the moonlight.
"Squall?" He shouted in a whisper. He spun around, fist poised, when a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind.
Squall looked momentarily surprised, then he unknowingly hurt Irvine's feelings by his expression shifting to a realized empathy. It stung to be on that side of the fence. 'Felt sorry for' from others. Irvine was no child who needed protection. It was a fluke. A one time mistake from an unexpected ambush. Same as a car accident victim. Of course they'd be nervous on the road again. It doesn't mean they should be pitied for it.
Irvine stood ready to brush off an apology that made no sense coming from Squall, but instead the word said to him was so out-of-the-blue left field, he almost felt insulted like an 'insider' insult had been thrown at him. "Huh?"
"Did I stutter? I said strip."
'Strip. Nope. I hadn't heard wrong. What does that mean again?' Because coming from Squall it was definitely different. He scratched the back of his head. Then in a snap decision he shrugged out his hand, and replied enthusiastically. "Okay!" He went for the button and zipper of his jeans, but then stopped himself, and backed away when his commanding leader approached. 'Calm it, Irv', that ain't why I'm here.'
"Do you need help?" Squall inquired.
"No. It's just.."
"Irvine... I get it, we're supposed to be all friends and nothing more to others, but it's wearing on me." And it sounded that way in spades. "You're a little too good at it, because sometimes it feels like you're flat out ignoring me."
"I don't mean to." Irvine's tone sounded helpless.
"Then let's take this opportunity to drop it, and be together before curfew ends." He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, pleading in his eyes he leaned up the short distance and kissed him deeply.
Irvine hummed his pleasure, his hands gripped and squeezed his boyfriend's buttocks, kneading it as they stood in each other's embrace to a level of molding into one person. If Squall thought being away from their new found closeness was easy on him, he was very wrong. It was more likely his parents were still alive than that statement being a fact.
However... The situation was what it was. He couldn't risk it.
Pulling away, he caught his breaths, then nodded to give himself courage for the cruel words he's going to speak. "Squall.. I.. Don't wanna see you anymore." He closed his eyes, to avoid having to see Squall's expression of hurt forever tattooed in his memories. His face was hidden by the shadows. "We can still be friends but, it's just best we break up."
"Yeah right. What's really going on?"
Irvine swallowed. "What I said. I wanna break up."
Irvine shrugged. "I mean, we spend more time apart than together. And," he placed his hands on his hips, standing firm. "I'm not attracted to it anymore. The thrill of it lost it's novelty."
Squall blinked, his face growing hard, angry. ""It"? What is "it"?"
Irvine hated himself as he never knew he could. All the things he's saying are words that he once thought would shatter himself if someone had said them to him. Someone he loves. "Us. This new relationship. I've tried it, it was fun. Now, it just seems like a lot of work." He peeked an eye open, then opened both. He tried to read Squall's face, but could not.
"You were exciting and new. But.. the conquest is over." He pressed on. "I wanna break up."
Squall raised his fist, ready to strike, but he paused the action when seeing Irvine flinch. He wasn't going to hit him, he instead pointed his finger like it was a small concealed knife. "You're shit at lying. And you know what... for saying what you said, you owe me big. But I'm gonna find out why you said that, and make it sorry. But I'm not giving up on us." He stabbed his finger into Irvine's chest. "You don't say what you said to me in Winhill, then feed me this crock about being a conquest." He spat the word. Even in a lie, the implication hurt to be considered little more than a 'first male lover experience'.
Squall stormed off leaving Irvine alone, and confused. Was his proposal to break up rejected? Does that count as a fail, and they're still together? He released a sigh. 'If that's the case, what am I gonna do about the phantom gang of assholes?' He tilted his head back, shouting silently in anger. Pain. He'd like to cast Pain on himself. Just stew in the effects he's causing because of some rotten humans. He deserved it.
"You're out there watching, aren't you?" Irvine called out. "You heard him. Squall ain't giving me up.. So forget about him. Hurt me! All you want.. But leave him out of it!" He lowered his voice. "Please." Met with silence, Irvine exited the building to return home.
Ferris growled from within his hiding place in the darkened corner.
The next day was quiet between the couple. They spoke to everyone, behaved as usual, but to each other they were disconnected and awkward. The day after seemed to be no better, and getting worse.
The mechanics were finally free to come out and work on Balamb, they'd have news by in a day or so, since they needed to access the damage before repairing it. The Garden could need a new rewiring.
"Alright everybody, sift that flower. We don't want any lumps." Says the cooking instructor cheerfully. She's clearly on a sugar high from the previous class, having tasted a sample of each cadets finished product.
Irvine was sure to rid his flour of lumps. He didn't need anymore added to his stomach. All day he kept thinking about what he'd said to Squall. What Squall had said in return, but, he'd said it with a look on his face that betrayed his strength in words. He wasn't sure that Irvine had said those horrible words with an underlying reason. That they were truth. Whomever caused this steadily growing rift between them had better hope never to be caught. He really was getting to the point of doing something that would get him kicked out of Garden permanently.
"Here. Eat up." Squall practically barked, he tossed a bag of cookies onto the table in the cafeteria as he took his seat.
Seifer snickered, noticing that the bag had been hurled just a bit closer to Irvine than him or Zell.
"Shut up, Seifer." The wavering couple snapped.
"Hyne," Zell groaned. "I liked you two better when you were all buddy-buddy. Now you're jumping on Seifer for no reason. Guy didn't even say anything." He muttered not even he disliked the guy that much.
"I know," Seifer pouted in mock offense. "I'm always in the middle of their fights." He hid a laugh when Zell nodded.
Irvine glowered at his friends, wishing they'd both stay out of it. No need to create a dialogue, just know he and Squall are... fighting? Not speaking? Pretending? It was hard to say. "I have homework projects to do. I'm gonna head out."
Squall huffed angrily, opened the bag and shoved a cookie into Irvine's hand.
Irvine looked down at it, but simply dropped it onto his tray before marching off. He paused when hearing a bang from the table he vacated. Followed by Squall quietly asking rhetorically what was Irvine's problem to which Seifer annoyingly replied.
Irvine's shoulders sagged. Seifer Almasy could be such a pest. He dumped his tray then left the cafeteria.
"You're gonna get yourself castrated, if you keep dissing Leonhart like that." Seifer said as he entered the locker room. They're alone, he checked before approaching the sullen sniper. "Is this all apart of your act to stay private, because bravo," he applauded. "I thoroughly believe it. I'd swear you hate each other."
It's after physical education. Ropes. Wall. Tires. Basic endurance activities. Everyone showered and left five minutes ago. No one wants to linger in the smelly, steamy locker room longer than they have to.
"It's no act. We're in a complicated position."
Taking a seat on the bench, he asked. "Why?"
Irvine looked at Seifer, defeated. Embittered. Just not in the mood to bite his tongue anymore. "Whoever worked me over, they didn't do it from some dumb Garden rivalry. They did it because I'm with Squall."
Seifer blinked. "Excuse me?"
Irvine nodded. "They hurt me as a warning, said that if I don't stop our relationship, they're gonna hurt him worse."
Seifer chuckled, though Irvine could tell it wasn't from humor, but a simmering anger. The same kind he feels about it all. "Endangering people over sexual preferences." He laughed a little. "It's so pathetic it's almost quaint." He laughed in earnest.
"Glad you can laugh. I'm scared out of my damned wits. They beat me up pretty bad." Irvine slumped over. "Only thing worse than that is death. If they ambushed me when my guard was down, they could do the same even to Squall."
"True. He's good, but no one is perfectly safe all the time."
"I wouldn't put him through any of the pain he's in, if I knew who they were. I'd hit 'em right back."
"But, you can't fight ghosts."
Irvine shot a wink-and-gun at Seifer.
"Well, trust us to help you." He rubbed Irvine's thigh. "Now that we know what we're dealing with, I'm sure we can flush the dicks out."
Irvine patted Seifer on the back. "Thank you. But, you can't tell the others. I'm embarrassed enough as it is from the doctors knowing my business. Matron, and Cid from what I heard. I'll be the one to tell. And we leave Squall out of it. If everyone wants to hate on me, fine."
Seifer shook his head. "Do it sooner than later." He stood. "Remember what I said about retainers... Our Liege are usually more than capable, whether we're there or not." He walked out.
Irvine released a sigh. How was he going to tell the others. Most of all Selphie. Guess he'd better prepare.
While Irvine gathered his gym clothes and bathing supplies, he missed Seifer whisper to someone just outside the room. But, had he heard he would have heard him speak.
"Did you get all that?"
And the reply from a familiar voice, which he holds so beloved. "Every word." Before Seifer and Squall vacated the area.
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