The Confession

BY : Kiara
Category: Final Fantasy VIII > General
Dragon prints: 499
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Official Warning: This has INCEST contained in it. This story is also SLASH. For those who don't like INCEST or SLASH please hit the back button right now. I will not be held responsible for your mental illness after reading this story. You have been WARNED. Read at your own risk!! Flames will be mocked and laughed at than thrown back at the sender's face.


The Confession

By Miss Kiara

Rating: NC-17

Warning: bordering non-consensual, very A
Di
Disclaimer: I don't own the boys. Square do but if one day I become rich and buy the rights off them I would make this into a movie. Yeah!
Comment: I just joined a few months ago and decided to write something instead of lazing around. I love couples that have every reason that is against them getting together and Squall and Laguna is just one of them.

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It was raining. The cold droplets of water soaked into his hair, clothes and skin but he hardly noticed. The cold could not touch him fore his body had already became numb to everything physical. He could not feel anything but the excruciating sadness and pain that is heavier than any stone and sharper than any knife.

He had committed a sin.

A terrible, disgusting, sickening sin that would be damned in all religion and a crime to the non-believers. If Hell exists, he would be roasting for eternity, unless even the Devil would not accept him. He stood in front of the old christen church nervously before pushing open the door. Being too low for Heaven is one thing but sinking beneath Hell is another. He wondered if there is a place worst than Hell?

Inside was dry and warm. There were only few people about, some praying in desperate devotion while others eyed him suspiciously. He can only imagine how he appeared to them, soaked to the bones and in clothes worth a month of their wages. This area he knew was one of the poorest and this was one of the reasons he had come. He had hoped in that sense no one would recognise him.

No one did.

Trying not to show how relived he felt he asked a kind looking old nun whereabouts of the confession room. She pointed at the far end of the church where there was two small cubicles with black curtains.

"Sit comfortably young lad," she said gently, "A priest would be with you shortly."

He wanted to say he is not young at all; in fact he is in his late thirties despite many people finding it hard to believe, but he doesn't want to attract any more attention. He politely thanked the nun and strode towards the confession in quick strides. Only when he closed the thick black curtains did he relax. He winced as he sat down the low wooden bench but he figured it would look funny to the priest if he confessed standing up. It wasn't long before he heard the other room's curtain open and close as a dark figure he could not see, sat down on the other side of the screen.

There was a long unsteady pause before he muffled a hello at the priest.

"Hello," answered the priest calmly. "Please make yourself comfortable. Don't worry and relax. Everything you say here is confidential unless you murdered someone."

He laughed along with the priest and was glad, if not a bit surprised that a priest has a sense of humour. He also realized this priest is young, far younger than himself and it gave him hope that maybe he would understand. He dared not to hope for forgiveness but for someone to understand his pain and guilt.

"Has someone actually confessed being a murderer?" he asked more as a joke than curiosity.

"No because that was the cue where they would open the curtain and run for it," said the priest. "People call me father Kinneas but it makes me feel old so I prefer my Christian name Irvine. May I have the pleasure of knowing yours?"

"Laguna," he said carefully, "Not that I'm being rude or anything, but you sound quite young for a priest."

"I am quite young,rvinrvine answered without hesitation. "I'm only twenty but I hope that's not a problem."

"No it's not," Laguna assured.

"Good then fire away," Irvine's tone even though light was turning serious.

"I suppose 'forgive me father I had committed the greatest sin' is a phase people had stopped using?" Laguna heard Irvine snort softly. He would take that as a no. "It's a long story, but for anyone to understand my confession it would have to be...long I guess."

Laguna took a deep breath before continuing. There is no going back now.

"I guess I should start with my life. My parents were well of but they died in a car crush when I was twelve, leaving me with a fortune that would at least get me through life without difficulty. A close friend of my mother, Edea and her husband decided to take me in and act as my guardians. They could never replace my parents but they gave me love and cherished me as one of their own. Despite the fact that my parents died in a horrible car crash, I always had a happy childhood so I grew up being a happy person. I started dating very young and fell head over heels in love with a catholic girl named Raine. We were only sixteen when I accidentally got her pregnant.

"You must understand how strict catholic parents are and as far as they knew, she doesn't even have a boyfriend. Even though we were scared, we wanted to keep the baby so, we told her parents together. They of course were ashamed and disgusted of her and her evil stepmother kicked us both out of the house personally. Raine didn't look back as we walked away nor did she cry. She was the strongest person I knew.

"Edea and Cid gave us a very long lecture but they were supportive. While Edea took care of Raine at home I was to attend school with Cid who was unfortunately the principal. I was actually hoping to be expelled but with Edea, there was no chance. My school was an exclusive all boys private college full of boring snobbopleople except for Ward and Kiros. They were my best friends even though many people criticized them for being scholarship kids but we stick together through thick and thin. We had a small wedding with just the six of us and it was the happiest day of my life. I had always thought it would forever remain this way for the rest of my life, living happily with Raine, Edea, Cid, Ward, Kiros and my soon to be born baby.

"I wasn't prepared when Raine died at childbirth. I went into seclusion for a month, not leaving my room or seeing anyone. I felt like my heart had been torn out of my body and everything was my fault. Everyone was worried but Edea wisely told them to let me be and had the servants to make sure I eat. One night, while I lay awake in bed I heard my son wailing. I waited but after 15 minutes the wailing hasn't stopped, I decided to find him. I followed the noise to the nursery room that I once helped to decorate with Raine and found Edea crowded around by servants trying to comfort the little baby.

"Edea looked totally lost on what to do. The nanny had gone away for the night on personal business and the baby wouldn't stop crying. I stood shyly at the doorway before asking if I could hold him. Edea was surprised I came out of my room and was even more surprised when I wanted to hold the baby. I haven't so much as looked at the baby since he came out of hospital because he reminded me of how Raine died. oon oon as I held the tiny creature into my arms he miraculously stopped crying. A pair of grey eyes stared up at me in curiosity but it was impossible because I knew that babies couldn't see in the first month. My first comment was that he looks exactly like Raine and then I feel like crying. Edea had sent all servants away but I refused to shed tears, Raine had died and I must accept this fact and move on with my life.

"I held him close to my heart. He was mine and Raine's creation, Raine's last gift and a token of our true love. I was nearly sd end enough to cast him aside. I quietly pleaded for his forgiveness and vowed to myself from then on I will be the best father he will ever have. I love him.

" 'Your son doesn't have a name yet Laguna," whispered Edea gently. I had already placed him back into his cot and was watching his sleeping face. I wasn't sure of what to call him. Raine and I never came to a conclusion of what nam sho should have and for a moment I was lost for words. But an idea soon formed fast in my head.

" 'Raine was the weather, I am the landscaped, so our son,' I smiled warmly at Edea, 'will be the wind.'

"She shook her head the way she always did about my romantic ideas, despite the fact she had encouraged my imagination.

" 'I sincerely hope you are not naming your son Tornado,' she said disapprovingly. We headed out the room in suppressed laughter in fear of waking the baby.

" 'Don't be silly Edea," I felt some of my good naturone one coming back into my voice. 'I was thinking of the name Squall."

"So life continued. I went back to school to finish off my education but I loafed every minute of it. It took away the time I could spend with my son. Squall was growing bigger and stronger everyday and I couldn't help but feel how proud I am of him. By the time I had finished college he was nearly five and would be attending school. During his earlyldholdhood I made a habit of spoiling him rotten. I also developed a weak will of giving into him all the time which had not helped this cause. Edea, Cid and I both discussed furiously about his education, up bringing and future. In the end we all concluded that it was best for Squall and I to move out and for me to raise him on my own with no interference by others. Besides, how many children grew up with servants fulfilling all your beck and whim? This environment could not be possible to raise Squall the way Raine and I would have wanted, hence we moved.

"I ht aht a nice house across from Squall's elementary school where he would be attending in a few months. At first, we both had to get use to our new adjustments. Living in a house would mean cooking your own dinner, washing your own clothes and cleaning up your own room. The first week together was hell. I can't cook very well and Squall complains endlessly about everything. Thinking back it would have been hilariously to see my twenty-twor-olr-old self, arguing with my five-year-old son. Actually, it wasn't very funny at the time because Edea had told me this was a test to see if I could take care of him. If I fail, I have a feeling that Edea would take over my role as the parent. But a month later, everything had gotten better. We settled into a comfortable routine of taking care of the house and looking after our chores, I would always take him out for a treat after.

"I didn't have to get a job because I still had quite enough from my parent's will but I can't stand to bear the boredom once Squall attends school. So that was how I started my writing career. It was a perfect job that I could do while staying at home and taking care of Squall. I was trying doubly hard to make up for the loss of a mother, and somewhere in the back of his childish mind, he knew. Squall from a young age could see through people easily, a trait he surely gotten from his mother. Actually he had inherited most of Rais ges genes physically and mentally.

"Squall does differ from her in personality. When I go to parent interviews, his teachers would always tell me he is a quiet boy, which was not true if you lived with him and was his father. At home Squall was anything but quiet and was always criticizing my cooking. Honestly if he wasn't my son, I would have happily wring his little neck then make him cook himself for a week. I figured that he was just shy around other people but as he got older I realized it was just part of his personality. He liked to keep his distance from people and I felt privileged that I was one of the few he don't. Another thing I found out about Squall was that he loved my hair. When he was small he would sometimes come to my bedroom late at night, fingering my hair. It was long and black and it was how I always kept it but I think he found it fascinating or comforting, whenever it suits him.

"My son certainly matured faster than me. Truth be told I would say my son is more mature than me in many matters and one of them was about having a mother.

"I once asked him if he ever wanted a mother and he simply replied. 'No. It would be unfair if you married a women just because I wanted a mother.'

"As he grew older our relationship changed. We became more like friends than father and son but we had always shared a very close bond. One day a question popped from his mouth that caught me by surprise.

" 'Could I call you by Laguna instead of Dad?" he asked.

" 'Why?" I questioned in surprise at my then teenaged son.

" 'You don't look like my father and it's embarrassing how young you look," he answered with a blush. I thought for a second but can't see the harm in him calling me by name. Like I said, we were after all more like friends than father and son.

"Squall started dating as soon as he turned sixteen. I gave him the man-to-man talk about birds and bees and of course, most importantly safe sex. He rolled his eyes at me and said he was glad didn't I follow that rule, then laughed all the way out the room when he saw me sputtering. My son always said I gave crap advice but at least he commented my cooking skills had improved.

"Soon he started bringing home girls. All of them were very beautiful and nice but he never brought home the same girl. He changes them faster than Edea changes her shoes but not that I could blame him. Squall grew up to be incredibly good looking with his mother's grey eyes, nicely framed face and a thick mob of light brown hair. He also played many sports and worked out quite often giving himself a nicely built body to go with that face. Still I warned him to slow down a little or I would go bankrupt buying him condoms. He laughed it off as a joke but I was serious. Too much sex can't be a good thing.

"Me on the other hand had had become celibate ever since Raine's death but it's because of a medical problem. You see, I had become impotent, I found out two years after Raine's death. It's as if I had lost all interest in sex and there was no medical treatment other than dosing me with heavy aphrodisiacs. Besides I don't have much women would go for. Next to my son I look like a skinny dark haired man who needs a bit of sunlight because of staying indoors too long. Squall often encouraged me to go and get a life that is not written in a book but I can't help it when inspirations hit me. Anyway, Squall is now twenty-one, an adult and is going to college. Before my horrible sin I thought I would have made Raine proud.

"Now you are probably wonder what had I done was so terrible?"

He could feel the priest shift softly beside him on the bench.

"Laguna Loire," Irvine stated calmly, "I had read your books and I thought every one of them were fantastic. I also know you have supported many charities. Now I know about your life and I could very easily come to a conclusion that you are not a bad person."

"Oh you'll be surprised," said Laguna guiltily.

"Try me," was the retort that made him smile.

"It all began when Squall went through a phase of bringing home dark haired women. Squall is always going through phases; he thinks it would be more of a challenge for his over inflamed ego. Once, he brought home a very beautiful girl named Rinoa to our house to have dinner and nearly shocked me into stupor. He brings girls home to fuck, but never to just eat dinner, though after recovering from the shock I was very happy. I was hoping Squall would have enough sense to settle down with a nice girl who he will eventually marry. Rinoa was the perfect girl to fit that category; she was nice, funny and very beautiful with her long black hair. We made a connection the minute we met by exchanging hair tips.

"After dinner when she left, Squall asked me what I thought of her. Of course I gave him my enthusiastic opinion.

" 'Squall, Rinoa is a great girl,' I told him very carefully. 'I want you to treasure her and chain her tightly close to you.'

Squall in response scowled darkly but I thought nothing of it. I then asked him what he thought of her.

" 'A little miss perfecirgiirgin Mary even though I know it's not true because her previous boyfriend was Seifer. She is a swallow dumb bitch and I will probably dump her tomorrow,' he told me while expressionless. 'But she does have nice hair.'

"I was puzzled at Squall's response and went back to cleaning up. When I finished I looked up and saw Squall standing there, staring at me.

" 'Do you know why I never need or want a mother?' he asked in his usual phlegmatic tone. "It is because you fill out both roles very well.'

"I suddenly felt confused about Squall's sudden comment but before I could ask, he bid me goodbye and went upstairs. A few hours later it completely left my mind. Strange things started to occur soon after. At first it was just little things like Squall staying home more often and going out less, which I don't mind. I had thought he was studying for some big exam or something. He stopped bringing girls home and became as celibate as me, which I assumed might have something to do with the messy break up he had with Rinoa. Soon things were getting weirder. He always stayed out on a Saturday night and I nearly jumped out of my skin when he tapped me behind the back while I was writing one of my latest novels.

"He had rented an old romantic movie called something like 'An Affair to Remember' and wanted to watch it with me in the living room. It was fine by me so we made popcorn and set to watch the movie. I was so into the movie I haven't noticed that somewhere during the movie we slipped from our sitting position on the couch to lying down. My back was pressed tightly against him and he had his arm around me but I gave no thought of that. I remembered when he was younger I used to hold him while he fell asleep watching television in that position, only this time it was him holding me.

"But then I felt something hard digging my back uncomfortably so I shuffled a bit. I froze when immediately Squall let out a little gasp of pleasure. I suddenly wanted desperately to be anywhere but here so I quickly made up an excuse about wanting to go to bed. Squall gave me a glare that made my insides freeze but he let me go and it took all my self-restraintnot not break into a run. When I was inside my bedroom I somehow successfully convinced myself it was a natural reaction to a human body and went to bed. I was still awake when I heard my bedroom door open and felt Squall slip under the covers with me. I pretended to be asleep and nearly jumped when I felt Squall's hands in my hair. All he did that night was to touch my hair until he fell asleep. It took me ages to sleep afterwards.

"When I woke up in the morning Squall had already left and yesterday's events felt surreal enough for me to push to tack ack of my mind. In the evening when he came back everything was normal, I told him about stories I'm planning to turn into novels while he told me about his day out with his friends. Afterwards he helped me clean up the dishes, take in the laundry and water the plants. I went to sleep that night content and told myself everything that happen last night was just my imagination. My illusion was shattered when Squall climbed into bed with me again when he thought I was asleep. He touched my hair gently and his hands lingered there for a while before moving downward, tracing the shape of my face.

"I somehow didn't jump out of my skin and willed myself to stay still. His touch was chaste enough for me to have doubts about my suspicion, but personal enough for me to be suspicious. Squall is not the affectionate type. He hardly show his affections for me much less other people, so I told myself that he just wanted to shower me with the affections he held back from before. I didn't protest when Squall moved closer and put his arms around me. Instead, I drifted into an uneasy but comfortable sleep.

"As usual, in the morning he was gone. This nocturnal activity continued for more than two weeks but funnily none of us mentioned it. The routine was always the same: he slips into my bed at night, feel my hair, face or hand and was gone in the morning. He did not explain and I did not question. It was almost like an unwritten contact that we both abide by but I don't understand any of it. Somewhere in the back of my head suggested that I should talk to Squall about this, but I didn't know how to approach him. I couldn't exactly come down to breakfast one day and say 'Excuse me son, for the last fortnight you've been climbing into my bed every night but why not wake up with me in the morning?' Looking back, this was what I should have said but it had sounded so ridicules back then.

"Then one night everything changed. I was taking a long, hot shower after dinner and decided to indulge myself by turning on the water at full blast. I was so mesmerized by how good the water felt on me that when an unexpected hand touched me I nearly jump through the roof. I whipped around and was standing face to face with Squall. Our shower stall was big but nowhere big enough for two grown men to shower comfortably together. Alarm bells wereng ong off in my head telling me this situation was very wrong. I need to escape as quickly as possible but Squall was blocking the way. Through the roaring water I told him I've finished but he didn't respond. I was going to repeat myself when he shoved me against the tiled wall, completely knocking the breath out of me. I always knew my son was well built but I had no idea he possessed such power. I was well and truly trapped.

" 'What the hell are you doing?' I shouted but much of my voice was muffed by the crashing sound of the shower. When he didn't answer me I started struggling against his grip. He was too strong, his arms felt like steel and no matter how much I struggled they didn't budge an inch. I stopped moving when he leaned against me, our faces so close I could feel his breath brushing my face.

" 'Don't.' The word escaped my mouth before I could stop it.

" 'Don't what?' He questioned in a mocking tone.

"I did not know how to answer because I don't even know myself. Don't what? Don't touch me? Don't invade my personal space? Don't do whatever you're planning on doing?

"Before I could give him an answer, he leaned forward and our lips met. I was shocked into stupor and he took full advantage that fact. His kiss was gentle, using only his lips to caress mine as if I'm someone who is so very fragile and would break if he pressed harder. His eyes were closed but never before had I seen so much emotion written upon his face. When the kiss ended, his blue grey eyes stared into mine without breaking contact. It suddenly hit me where I last saw the same blue grey eyes stare at me in this manner. It was the night when both Raine and I lost our virginity together; she used those eyes to look at me and suddenly could not resist giving into her.

"Now I could see the exact same emotions in my son's eyes, using the same kind of spell to bewitch me. I felt a deep longing starting to stir from within, a longing I haven't felt since Raine's death, a longing that went beyond physical lust and pleasure. Squall leaned forward to kiss me again and this time I gave into him, my body surrounded to his desires. Our lips crashed together roughly, as we both melted into this kiss. My mouth was open for him to explore to his desire while my hands travelled up to his shoulders to keep myself steady. He pressed closer into me; I could feel his nipples turning hard against my chest and his huge erection digging against my stomach. I was surprised when my penis began to stir and even more surprised when his mouth left mine and travelled south towards my neck. I could not think any coherent thoughts other than the pleasures of the present moment. He bit gently and suckled greedily at the base of my neck while one hand travelled down to pinch my already hard nipples. I tried to contain my moans but it was lost when he slid his other hand down to touch my erection.

"When he finished suckling my neck, he kissed upward until claiming my mouth again, hungrily thrusting his tongue in. I gave a startled cry when he lifted me up a few inches above the shower tiles so we were of the same leverage; I helped him by clinging even tighter on to his shoulders. He reached down to grab my two legs and positioned himself between them. He rubbed our erections together, first slowly then faster and faster until he was grinding our penises together roughly. Pleasure exploded every time our erections made contact and finally we both came screaming.

"Suddenly I felt a blow to my face which knocked me back to reality. When I looked up I saw Squall's fist clench tensely while his eyes glared into mine murderously.

" 'How dare you scream her name!' He shouted at me. In agitation, he punched the wall hard, probably breaking a few knuckles, then stormed out of the bathroom. It was only moments after he left I realized that I had screamed out Raine's name unconsciously. When remembering Raine I felt bile rise from my stomach. What have I done? Squall is my son; my only son and I let him do such acts with me. I felt disgusted with myself. I felt dirty, the kind of dirty that would never be clean again no matter how I try to cleanse myself. I somehow managed to turn off the showers and get dressed as quickly as I could. I ran back to my room, grabbed my car keys and drove off to Edea's place.

"Twenty minutes later she opened the door, surprised to see me at her doorstep.

" 'Laguna, it's so late,' she said letting me in. 'My dear, you were lucky I haven't gone to sleep yet. It's Saturday night I have dismissed all the servants.'

"When I didn't answer her she turned around to stare at me.

" 'My God above! What happened Laguna? Where did that bruise come from?' she cried full of concern. 'Oh dear me! Where is Cid? Cid-'

" 'Don't call him,' I quickly interrupted her. 'It's nothing. Squall and I just got into a fight, that's all.' It was the first time I lied to her but before she could question more I bid her goodnight and ran into my old room. I dived into my bed, not even bothering to change. Once I'm sure Edea had already gone to sleep I let the tears fall, and cried myself to unconsciousness.

"The next morning Edea brought me some breakfast in bed. She sat beside me on the bed, waiting patiently as ever for me to finish. I had a sneaking suspicion that she wanted to talk and through the years I learned that to avoid her counselling was impossible. But what am I suppose to say? 'Edea, I did something really stupid last night. My son and I had sex in the showers and I accidentally called out his mother's name. It's a wonder he hadn't murdered me but it doesn't matter anyway because you certainly will.' I can't tell her this horrible secret, it would break her and I will lose the only mother figure I have left in this world. So I lied, again and again until I was sure she was convinced that there was nothing between Squall and I than a really pathetic squabble that became violent. After Edea left I went back to hiding under my blanket wishing that everything were just a horrible dream. How am I goio fao face the world knowing what I had done? How am I ever going back to face him? Feeling nothing but despair I fell into another uneasy sleep."

"I awoke feeling the sensation of being watched, it was the type of feeling that would make ones hair stand on end and quickens ones heart. I sat up startled only to be glared at by a pair of blue-grey eyes.

" 'Squall,' I chocked before shifting away from him. Whether it was a conscious or unconscious move I wasn't certain, but I fear what would happen if I came too close.

"His glare, if possible, turned even colder but he made no comment about my reaction to his presence. He sat as still as a statue on my bed, dressed in his usual black jeans, shirt and jacket. The silence stretched like an elastic band that would snap at any second, but neither of us wanted to be the first to speak.

"Finally, Squall shifted his shoulders and broke the silence.

" 'I'm sorry about yesterday,' he was not looking at me as he apologised. 'I shouldn't have hurt you...I couldn't control myself when you...' His words trailed of and silence stretched before us again.

"I was fidgeting so badly that I think I ripped a hole in my blanket. I was nervous or maybe afraid, but I knew what I had to do. We need to have this overdue conversation now and there were things I needed to clear.

" 'Squall,' I swallowed before continuing. 'What happened last night cannot happen again.' I emphasised heavily on the 'cannot' and studied his reaction carefully. 'It was wrong. It was sick. What we did last night was...was...'

" 'Incest,' Squall suddenly turned to face me. 'Say it Laguna! What we did is called incest. Something society would never accept no matter the circumstances!' He grabbed my shirt violently. 'I thought maybe you would understand Laguna. I thought you would accept this...this sick love I have for you. Yes, that's right dad, you don't need to look so shocked.' He released me as I fell effortlessly onto the bed. 'I'm fucking in love with you...'

"I did not know what to say, do or think. Squall just confessed that he loved me; well of course he loved me but in love with me is a different matter. Sometimes I think God has some sort of twisted humour to create a son who falls in love with his own father. It was too much for me to deal with. I had to get away from this place and run forever until all my troubles were left too far behind to suffocate me. I threw myself off the bed and went for the door. I should have known that it was a stupid move but I wasn't thinking clearly enough to pass judgement. After taking no more than two steps, I was pushed onto the ground by Squall.

"I was scared. A flash back of last night's event passed through my mind so vividly I thought I experienced it all over again. I fought back tooth and nail using all my strength to throw him off me, but he pinned me down with more force until I felt that the ground would have a Laguna shaped dent. He grabbed my hand and pinned them above my head and straddle my body to prevent movement. I ceased my struggles, closing my eyes and waited for his attack.

"However it never came. I felt wetness splash upon my cheeks followed by more upon my face. When I opened my eyes I saw Squall's face above mine, his eyes filled with tears that had never been seen in years. I watched in fascination as a clear droplet leak out from his eye, forming its roundness before falling down upon my face.

" 'Please,' I heard his voice quaver slightly. 'Don't leave me. You don't have to return my feelings but just...don't go.'

"He released my arms and covered his face with his hands, sobbing like the way he did when he was a child. All that happened before was forgotten as I reached for him and pulled him down into my arms. Time had suddenly stopped to capture this precious moment, with nothing existing beyond holding onto each other. It was...something ineffable to describe. It was a moment of sacred peace in our chaotic relationship. It was our moment. What happened next would not matter or taint this moment because it was pure. It was the first and only time; Squall as a grown man showed his vulnerability and bore opened his fragile heart. I think...it was this moment that I started falling. Whether it was falling in love, falling from grace or falling into madness, doesn't matter. They were all the same.

"I forgave him for everything he did and I told him so. When he smiled at me I wondered why my heart suddenly flutter and why my cheeks burn. I pushed the thought away when Squall picked himself up from the ground, his smile frozen in place.

" 'I love you Laguna,' his voice was sincere. 'I know nothing can ever happen between us and I know you will never let...us...happen. I don't mind. As long as you don't leave me.' I could see how much he was hurting behind his artificial smile. I took a step forward and swept him into my arms.

" 'It's ok Squall,' I comforted. 'We will go back to the way we were. This is just a passing phase. You love me and admire me so much that you are getting it mixed up with sexual love. We...we will work hard on this and I could always get you a um phycologist-'

" 'No.' He pushed away shaking his head. 'This is my problem. I don't need strangers to help me.' I quickly agreed, not wanting to cause any more arguments.

"For the next few days we tried our best to act as normally as before. It was awkward and very tense around us so instead he avoided me as much as possible. It didn't help when every time he was around, images of the shower scene flashed most inappropriately around my mind, making me sputtering uselessly when trying to make conversation. Not only did this make me nervous around him but also I started viewing him in a different way. Never before in my life had I ever seen Squall as a sexual being even though I know very well how sexually active he is. He had always been my son and never beyond that. Now I see him, you could say, in a totally different light. I knew he was a good-looking man but never before had I appreciated in such fine detail. I was impotent before the night he charged into my showers but now whenever I look at him I wanted to...I don't know. I just wanted him. I was disgusted and ashamed of myself. I was so depressed I refused to step outside my room. Instead I started writing my sinful feelings into a notebook, hoping that by pouring out my feelings onto the pages these feelings would stay there. Of course that didn't work.

"At night I began having feverish pleasure dreams. They all started out innocent enough then turn as obscene as one of the most R rated porn movie. In the dream I would be doing something mundane like taking a walk around a large deserted park. Sometimes in the park I would see Raine picking flowers and I would rush over to her happily. We would kiss until we end up on the grass, rolling together gaily. When she somehow pinned me down, I told her she was such a tease and then she would bend down kissing me hungrily and roughly. When I opened my eyes again it wasn't Raine kissing me but was Squall and suddenly we were naked on my bed. He would touch me, grab me and kiss me most pleasurably, and then he would take that great manhood of his and plunge it within me. I would wake up with soiled sheets. All of this I recorded into my notebook.

"I felt tortured. I live everyday in fear of accidentally slipping my secret to Squall. The urge to escape, to get away overwhelmed me but I made a promise to never leave him. He took notice that I avoided him as much as he avoided me and sometimes we can go on for days without meeting each other. Then one day he approached me with unexpected news.

" 'Laguna,' he stepped into my room. 'I need to tell you something.'

"I gave a weak smile and nodded for him to continue.

" 'I'm going to propose,' he stated. 'Rinoa and I are back together again. I think I will propose to her tomorrow night.'

"He left as quickly as he came. I sat there staring at the door where he had been just moments before. I felt as if I wanted to kill myself. It was in the afternoon and I have a meeting with my publishers within an hour. When I arrived they discussed my latest novel and suggested gently that I am getting behind schedule. I didn't care, all I could think about was Squall. Instead of going home I went to Kiros's place, he greeted me cheerfully but all I could do was collapse into sobs. After realizing I didn't want to answer questions, he had done his best to comfort me and I spent the night in the guest room. Squall wasn't home when I went back the next day. I stood in front of the mirror practicing my cheerfulness until it looks perfect enough for a father happy that his son is getting married. I really should be happy. Squall has finally gotten over his infatuation with me and could go on living a normal life. It doesn't matter that I would wallow with misery. It was my own fault for falling in love.

"Squall wasn't back until hours after dark. I sat in the living room listening to the ticking clock until I heard the sound of keys entering the lock. I made sure the perfect smile graced my face before greeting him.

" 'How did it go?' I asked. 'Did she say yes?'

"He walked past without answering and set himself upon the couch. 'Sit down with me Laguna.' I was puzzled but did as told.

" 'What did she say Squall?' I asked again.

" 'Nothing. I haven't asked her,' he shrugged.

" 'When will you propose?'

" 'Soon. Tonight.'

" 'Then you better get ready. Dress in something nice.'

" 'Don't I look nice enough for tonight?'

" 'That's not the point.'

"We could both feel the tension in the air and the silence that settled between us was uneasy. The clock was ticking loudly in the background, ticking away the seconds, the minutes of this strung up silence. When I was just about had enough of this tension Squall got up from the couch and grabbed my hand.

" 'What are you doing?' I tried to pull away but the grip was strong.

"He didn't answer, instead he dropped to his knees and took out a small red box. With a click it sprang open with the most remarkable diamond glistering prettily in the middle of the platinum gold ring. I was dazed speechless.

" 'Will you marry me?' he solemnly proposed.

" 'You're barking mad!' I shouted trying to pull my hand away but he didn't let go.

" 'Yes, madly in love with you." He smiled. 'I know you feel the same for me.'

" 'That's absurd!' I shook my head. There was no way he could know.

" 'I have evidence,' His smile growing wickedly. 'I read your journal.'

"My insides turned cold, then warm, then hot as I realized I must be angry.

" 'You had no right!' I yanked my hand away. 'Oh God, how could you?'

" 'I'm sorry but I don't regret it.' He took a step closer.

" 'Don't come any closer.' I took a step back. 'I made it up! It's not true!'

"Suddenly he closed the distance between us and grabbed both my shoulders.

" 'Stop it! Stop denying us.' He shook my shoulders repeatedly. 'I love you Laguna and I don't give a fuck what others think.'

" 'What about what I think?'

" 'I think you feel the same.' He hauled me up in one go and carried me on his shoulders. I kicked and cried all the way until he flung me onto his bed.

" 'You're insane!' I threw a pillow, which he smartly dodged. He grabbed my left hand and roughly pulled off my wedding band that had been with me before he was even born.

" 'I don't think you need this any longer.' His comment made me want to slap him silly. Who was he to decide? I struggled to free myself from his grip but all I succeeded was suffocating under his weight. Without consent he forced his wedding ring onto my forefinger then kissed it gently.

" 'Finally you are mine,' he said softly while looking down at my face.

"I stopped struggling, feeling my heart quicken and cursed my responsive body. At last I tried to reason with him.

" 'I'm your father.'

" 'So? We just happen to share some DNA.'

" 'What would others think? Edea? Cid? Kiros? Ward? What would we say to them?'

" 'To mind their fucking business. We don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to.'

" 'I'm older than you by about seventeen years.'

" 'You don't look it. I don't mind us growing gracefully old together.'

" 'You're delusional.'

"He snorted. 'You're one to talk.'

"I started to cry. 'You will be damned to Hell.'

" 'As long as you are with me when the devil kicks my ass.'

" 'No one would accept us.'

" 'Because they won't understand. They don't matter as long as you understand Laguna.'

"He kissed each teardrop upon my face and I couldn't help noticing how beautiful he looks.

" 'I love you Laguna,' he whispered tenderly. 'I don't care how many times I have to say it for you to understand. Do you feel the same for me?'

"His eyes glazed into mine and I knew it would be pointless to lie.

" 'Yes.' I sobbed. 'But we can't do-'

"My protest was muffled by his kiss as his hands slid down to unbutton my shirt. I knew this was wrong. My brains told me I would regret this but my body and heart tells me it doesn't matter. Nothing matters except for his touches, his kisses and his love. How could I not give in when temptation was as sweet as this?

"After he took off all my clothes he got off the bed and studied me, flushed and naked on his bed. I blushed like a virgin...well in some ways I still am since I never been with a man before. Then he practically ripped off his shirt and jeans, kicking them away. He still has his silk boxes on as he slowly walked towards me like one of those powerful Greek gods gracing his presence upon a mere mortal. As he approached me I started to have second thoughts, I mean this was my son! I guess he saw the doubt upon my face and before I could move he pounced on me, kissing my doubts away. He quickly slid those boxes off and we where pressed to each other skin against skin. The sensation blowed my mind away and reduced me to incoherent noises I never thought possible. He touched my chest, teased my nipples then his lips travelled south until he reached my penis. I looked down at him and for a moment our eyes met, and then he grabbed my cock and took it into his mouth.

"I couldn't think! All I could do was feel...feel his hotness upon my most sensitive area and the way he sucked me filled me with the most unbelievable pleasure. I was thrashing my head against the pillow; all ration thoughts leaving me with each squeeze and lick of his tongue. He sucked harder and harder as he knew I was going to come and when I finally did he swallowed all of it down. I felt spent, almost like I just ran a mile as I lay there barely moving and my muscles turn to jelly. I hardly moved when he got out of bed and started ransacking through his drawer and it didn't occur to me it wasn't over. When Squall came back he had an orange tube in hand and was squirting some into his hand. He first rubbed his huge still hard penis with the oily stuff then he bent down to kiss me. We kissed for a while before I felt something pushing my butt cheeks apart and into my hole. It was only one finger I realized and it didn't hurt but I don't want to do this. When I tried to talk, Squall just kissed me harder refusing to let me make any coherent words.

"He knew I don't want to do this but if I did not say no he at least would feel better when doing it. When he inserted the second finger I felt uncomfortable, I felt that I could not stretch any more and it was starting to ache a little. I tried to push him away but he ignored me and continued to try and distract me with his kissing. By the time of the third finger I lost my erection and was whimpering but still Squall didn't stop. I didn't say anything because I knew he wanted this so much that...I think he would do it even if I said no. I didn't want it to be a rape so I said nothing.

"I was crying softly when he took his fingers out and I felt my hole slightly loosened, but when I saw his penis again I am sure it was a lot thicker than three fingers. I swallowed thickly and willed myself to relax as much as possible as I waited for him. He grabbed both my legs and placed them over his shoulders, spreading my body apart. Then he directed his penis between my cheeks and thrust. It was painful and I could feel my muscles tightening itself against the invasion and when I looked down, he wasn't even half way in. With another thrust I bit my lips to stop myself from crying out loudly as I felt cold sweet falling from my temple. Finally with a hard thrust he was all the way inside of me, stretching painfully my unrelaxed muscles. We were both breathing fast and heavily but otherwise we were still. He let me adjust to his size and after a while the pain kind of faded to an ache that was just bearable enough for me to feel again.

"He started moving, first just rocking slowly then thrusting a little and finally he pulled his penis almost out to the tip then stab it back in until I felt my butt was slapped by his balls. He repeated this at every angle until he hit something inside of me and instantly I felt my erection coming back. When he found the pleasure button he started to speed up the rhythm and his thrusts were no longer gentle or careful. It seemed the whole world was rocking away from me and all I could feel was the pleasure his every thrust gave me. I need release; I needed it so badly I was thrusting back for more and more until I finally came all over my stomach. Soon after Squall stopped I c I could feel his liquid filling me up as he collapsed on top of me. He then pulled out and rolled over next to me and held me in his arms. I could hardly keep my eyes open and I was too tired to think. We fell asleep in each other's arms.

"I was the one who woke up first the next day...which was today. When I saw Squall's naked body I suddenly felt sick. I just ruined everything! He had such a bright future in front of him and because of my weakness I gave in and ruined his life. The fact that he was my son and that last night I let my own blood and flesh fuck me was just sickening. I ran into the bathroom and took a shower but no matter how much I scrub, I would never feel clean again. When I got out I saw that Squall was already up making breakfast. I couldn't face him. I didn't want to face him. I did the thing I've wanted to do for ages, I ran away.

"That's it. That's my sinful deed and if you feel too disgusted to say anything I understand."

Laguna prepared to stand and walk out as soon as possible. He didn't want to hear Irvine's response or rather he couldn't face what the young priest's reaction would be.

"Laguna," said the priest quietly. "Are you dense? Answer me truthfully, do you love Squall?"

Laguna was startled. Out of all the reactions he certainly never expected Irvine to ask something as absurd as this. Love Squall? Of course he love Squall more than anything in the world and if only he just loved him a little less he would have given in long time ago and stuff this confession. But alas he love Squall too much, enough to want him to have a normal life and for Squall to forget about him, which was the original plan that has gone to dust. He could lie and say no, but up to this point what is the use?

"Yes." He answered simply.

"Then what are you waiting for? Go back to him and tell him that!" Irvine almost shouted.

Laguna shook his head. "Isn't the bible against incest?"

"The Bible isn't written by God. It's written by a bunch of narrow-minded men thousands of years ago. You can't choose whom you love and if you love Squall then it doesn't matter if he is your son." Irvine finished with a sigh. "I believe in true love and if your love is true then you should go back to him."

"You are a very strange priest," Laguna smiled. He suddenly felt a tight knot in his chest loosen.

"So they all say."

"Thank you," Laguna stood up. "For listening to me, for not telling me that my sin was disgusting and for giving me advice."

"You're welcome. Besides, there was nothing for God to forgiboutbout your so-called sin. He created each of our soul with all his love and it is only right for us to all live happily."

Laguna felt tears in his eyes but he held them back. When he walked out of the church it was still raining and he shivered slightly from the cold. His looked to the sky that was grey and cloudy letting the rainwater splash on his face. Suddenly an umbrella blocked his view. He turned around only to look into a pair of blue grey eyes filled with sadness.

"I'm sorry," Squall whispered softly.

"So am I," Laguna stepped closer. "I'm sorry for not telling you this sooner. I love you."

And then they kissed.


The End


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