I was listening to that song before I started to write,
that’s why this story got that title. Arg, too much X-Japan! My brain got
toasted and this is the result. (But I just love that song! T_T)

Anyway. I
know there are other stories like this and much better ones but I had the idea
some time ago already (when I still thought I would be the only one in this
world who likes this pairing T_T) and so I wrote it down now, maybe there would
be someone who’d like it despite all the wrong grammar and the spelling errors.
^^

Warning:
Yaoi, mention of rape, etc.

Pairing:
Seymour x Tidus

Disclaimer:
If this would be mine maybe what I wrote down here would have really
happened

in the game, so obviously it isn’t . ^^ (That world is ruled by Squaresoft, yay!)

Rose Of Pain

By Kia

There was something about you when I saw
you the first time, something that caught my attention the very second I laid
my eyes on you while pretending to look at her. Something… thought I could not
then name what it was. Maybe, I had thought, it were your strange clothes, or,
more likely, your bright hair and your face which was a tiny little bit too
pretty to fit for a boy. Maybe it had been all of it together, but now, looking
back, I think it was your innocence. The innocence that I saw in every move you
made, heard in your voice when you spoke, those emotions that were so clearly
written on your pretty face. Everything I saw when I looked at you that day in
Luca told me that you could not, could never belong to this world. No one from
Spira could ever be so innocent, so pure, living in this world of pain and
sorrow. No one, not even your precious summoner as you guard her through her
journey to the death that awaits her at the end of it.

But you knew nothing about that, did you? No,
you couldn’t have known, for it would have destroyed what I could still see in
your eyes that day. You knew nothing about the tragedy of this world and it’s
people, not really, for you have never lived here to feel what everyone felt
when the shadow of evil was falling over this land once again. I knew where you
came from, even when I saw you for that very first time. I’ve known your father
and although you look nothing like him your origins were too easy to read in
your every movement.

It was her who seemed to have my full
attention, yet I only needed her to reach my goal. She was sweet and, in an
almost heartbreaking way, willing to sacrifice herself for a few years of peace
which would be nothing but a waiting and preparing for the next wave of sorrow
to come over this world. It is useless, this world can never be healed of its
illness, only death will end its suffering. I will end its suffering. That is my only
purpose for so long already, that’s what I will do, and nothing can
stop me, not even death, not even the sweet, seductive calling of the
fareplane. I will do what I have to do, and I’m using her like anyone else does
when they expect her to throw her own life away just to bring them that short
illusion of happiness. At least I am not pretending to do anything else. I have
already sold my soul for the very destruction of this world so long ago, now
there is nothing left for me too lose, even when I am giving in to those
desires I still have even when it is long decided for me to become this worlds
downfall.

Not that anyone
would ever have guessed what I was thinking when I was talking to her while
looking at you instead. Except perhaps that guardian of yours, that silent man
in red I’ve already met so many years before. Maybe he saw that lust in my eyes
for every look he gave me seemed to tell me that he would not, never, let me
touch you. Though even someone as stubborn as he is should have known that if I
want something I take it. And no one can keep me from it, even it is someone as
strong and brave and dead as him.

And there was
something about you, who shone so brightly in this world of darkness. There was
you’re your entire being, a pure and warm soul as I never saw it before, a
careless gentleness that just didn’t seem to fit into this world. An innocence
I wanted to posses, wanted to make mine so I could destroy it, for there should
be no light left in this world when I released it from its sadness. And there
was that pretty face of yours, that sweet and slight body, that smooth skin,
darkened by the sun, that I just wanted to run my hands over. Soft lips waiting
to be claimed by mine. And your voice, your beautiful voice I wanted to cry out
my name when I took you, made you mine in body and soul, and if it was in a
moan of pleasure or in a scream of pain I did not care. Once upon a time, so
very, very long ago, there would have been apart in me that would have hated me
for even thinking this thoughts, but that part is gone now, gone for so many
years already that I can hardly remember it was ever there. My time is very
limited already, as is the time of everyone on this planed, even if they do not
yet know about it. Soon, all sins we ever committed will disappear into the
nothingness of utter destruction. There will be nothing left here to judge us
for what we have done, so not even that could stop me from taking whawantwanted
if it ever was a reason at all.

You know it by now:
in this world, those who have the power to do so take everything they need or
want without asking. I have that power and I used it and nothing could stop me,
not your brave but foolish friends who not even now know what happened, not the
unsent who seems to see it as his duty to keep you from any harm, not your
struggling as you tried in vain to get away from me, not the soul I don’t have.
And I got exactly what I wanted, the feeling of smooth skin beneath my fingers,
of soft lips unwilling under mine, of a sweet and untouched body just begging
to be hurt. And I got your voice, crying out in fear and horror and pain as I took
you for I did not feel the need to be gentle. Your voice, cursing and yelling
my name in anger at first, and the very same voice begging for mercy you knew
you wouldn’t get as I shattered your fragile soul in too many pieces to ever
get fixed again. You were broken when I left you, when I allowed your failed
protector to find you and take you away. I have seen it in your eyes, in your
tears, heard it in your voice as you lay there, too exhausted and hurt and
shattered to even move. Yes, I have indeed gotten what I wanted. Even though
there is a little, barely audible voice in the back of my head that keeps
asking me how I could ever sink so low. Yet, this voice speaks to that part of
me which doesn’t exist anymore, so it is not linked with any feeling of guilt
or regret. It is just ringing through the hollow space where that part once had
been in a constant echo, being annoying and nothing else.

Only once have I
seen your petty group since that day, but I was unreachable for them, as much
as they might have cursed that fact. Your unsent guardian glared at me and
hatred isn’t enough to describe what I saw in his eyes while he was cradling a
bundle of fading life in his arms. One arm was hanging out of the blanked he
had warped around you and from my heightened place I could clearly see the
white bandage warped around your wrist, at one point already turned red from
blood soaking through. Now I wonder, did what I have done to yovastvastated you
so much that you would try to take your own life? It would make sense in some
way, since it seems that without all that I have taken from you there is really
nothing left but an empty shell. Try as he might, your red-clad guardian will
not be able to kit the pieces of your broken soul back together, and even if he
was I would just shatter it again and again until there is nothing left to be
fixed.