My Home

Because Hearts Can Do No More
Like Weiss on Rice

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Weiss looked out the window, not his window. He wished he could. He was sure Restrictor wouldn’t be back for a while, and so he left. He heard the artificial rain start pouring outside. Everything was fake here… on a schedule. He hated it. His feet padded across the floor of the room, to the hallway and out the door… to the corridor. This place was set up almost like a hotel, but he had never been in one in his life. He just knew from the pictures he had seen from the outside.

They were on to top floor so of course they could hear the rain the loudest. Rainy days like this always reminded him of his father. He suddenly felt lonely. Without access to the NET he could no longer bring those video feeds from his memory up anymore. They had always given him comfort. But Restrictor wouldn’t grant him access to such things anymore.

But he could always remember.

He could remember a time, when his father would sing to his mother. He had a horrible voice, it was scratchy and rough sounding. It was never as sweet and melodic as his mother’s that’s for sure. But she listened to him with such rapt attention, as if he had the voice of an angel. For all the sarcastic jokes they threw back and forth at each other… she adored him and his little plays at being romantic. Weiss pushed the key through the door knob and turned the handle.

It was so quiet except for the steady sound of the rain outside. “My Home.” He said softly, putting his hand on the wall as if to steady himself. This place was where they grew up in together. Where they lived and loved. He touched the corner wall near the door. The place they notched their height and ages as they grew together.

He smiled. Nero had already marked his notch. “Nero, 19 years, 5’ 8”” It read. He grabbed a permanent marker out of a nearby cup and flattened his hair against his head and marked the wall himself. Weiss, 21 years,” He would have to look his height up later. He supposed he didn’t have enough time to find the tape measure.

“How can I tell you that I love you, I love you? But I can't think of right words to say.” It was a soft sound that he heard, but the words were clear. It startled him enough to drop his pen. Weiss wondered if he was going crazy for a moment because he could almost hear his father singing if he listened hard enough. “I long to tell you that I'm always thinking of you, I'm always thinking of you, but my words just blow away, just blow away. It always ends up to one thing, honey and I can't think of right words to say.”

The sound touched him and Weiss swallowed a lump in his throat. He hated this. He never indulged much in crying, not since when he was younger. He had begun doing it more as of late. It was hard not to when he felt so utterly helpless to change anything that was happening to him. He wished he would have went away with Nero now. Maybe last night he would have kissed him. And even though they might not have woken up in a bed together but on a ceiling beam or the hard ground in one of Deep Ground’s tunnels… they would have been together. That’s all that mattered to him anymore.

“Wherever I am boy, I'm always walking with you.” No… that wasn’t right. That wasn’t how it went. It was a man to a woman. But that wasn’t his father’s voice anymore, it was soft and beautiful. “I'm always walking with you, but I look and you're not there. Whoever I'm with, I'm always, always talking to you. I'm always talking to you, and I'm sad that you can't hear, sad that you can't hear.”

Weiss moved quietly to the room where the voice was coming from, his brother’s room. The door was cracked open and he could see inside. His brother was sitting on his bad, his back to him and he was looking at something in his hands.

Suddenly he heard his father’s voice again, singing in that gravel like way of his. “It always ends up to one thing, honey, when I look and you're not there. I need to know you, need to feel my arms around you, feel my arms around you, like a sea around a shore.”

And then it ended and Nero’s voice took over once more. “And - each night and day I pray, in hope that I might find you, in hope that I might find you, because hearts can do no more. It always ends up to one thing honey, still I kneel upon the floor.”

And then their voices combined for a moment, and it sounded sweet to his ears and he suddenly knew why his mother loved that sappy song. “How can I tell you that I love you, I love you? But I can't think of right words to say. I long to tell you that I'm always thinking of you. I'm always thinking of you.... It always ends up to one thing honey and I can't think of right words to say.”

Their voices ended, and there was a ‘clack’ noise as Nero shut the book he was holding. Was it some electronic device? “Weiss,” Nero said, but he couldn’t be sure if he knew he was there or not. “I wanted to tell you something, but I do not know how to say it when I am looking at you.” His voice was said as he spoke. “It is so easy to say what I want to say when you are not here… because I cannot see your face and I do not feel so hurt.”

Nero fiddled with the device he was holding. “But it hurts more when you are away and it hurts even more than that to tell you all those awful things I think sometimes.”

His brother put the object to the side of him then and rested his hands on the bed. He then carried on with his monologue. “I am sorry I say the things I do. If anything, I would have thought you would be angry at me for bringing something like that up. You know, considering I had so many lovers before we were together… when I should have been loving you. Maybe it would make it easier if you were as petty as me? But you don not say things like that do you? Because you do not care what I have done. You just care that I love you now.” His voice was soft and filled with guilt.

“I am petty… and I am sorry I am not stronger.” He laughed a little. “But sometimes… sometimes it is like you are not even mine anymore. I know it is not your fault. I do not mean to blame my own short comings on you. I guess I am mad because I cannot protect you… because you have always protected me. I think I just wanted to return the favor every so often.”

“Just this last year… I used to think, how could you do this if you love me so much? But I know now, that you would not do them for me at all if you did not love me. You would have given me away the first time. You would have let him wring my neck if pride meant more. It makes me wonder what I would think of you if you didn’t do those things for me? Maybe that is why I love you so much? That you are selfless and true… and I am selfish and petty?” He sighed.

“Remember when you thanked me for loving you?” He rubbed his hand across his face then, Weiss wasn’t sure if he was rubbing sleep out of his eyes or crying, but he didn’t want to move forward to see. “I do not deserve it. But I wanted to thank you for loving me too.”

“I just wanted you to know that I adore you even now. I promise that one day we will be together. I will save you and you will be so proud of me. I promise that I will be strong from now on. I will not say such horrible things.”

He tittered then. “And I will not ask you to put yourself into harm’s way again for me. That was selfish and I was only making things worse for you by running away like that. But please bear my selfishness a little longer? Just for tonight. I will turn myself in tomorrow and he will be happy with you again. He will punish me and I will be ready to accept the consequences.”

“But I suppose, that you need to get going now. Before you are missed.” Weiss stopped short, he just assumed that he was talking to air this whole time. “But…” Nero looked around at him directly. “Before you go. I want you to do something for me.”

Weiss finally stepped into the room. “W-what?”

Nero didn’t move from the bed as he looked up at him. “Kiss me before you go and tell me how you feel about me.”

Oh God, he could do that at least. Weiss walked up to him and sat down beside him. He put his arms around him and drew him close to him. What skin that was exposed was chilled to the touch. He was rather cold natured… but he seemed to warm instantly with the touch of his hands. He placed his lips against his and for a moment Nero’s lips didn’t move until he realized painfully that this was the first kiss they shared in so long. Nero moved his cool hands up to cup his warm face. It was like he hadn’t felt anything in a year’s time… and suddenly everything was brighter and more vibrant now that they touched. Weiss’ arms tightened around him and he almost couldn’t stand the love he felt for him as it crashed in on him and reminded him how complete he could feel.

Nero then got onto his knees on the bed, pushing Weiss over onto the comforter before he kissed him. He didn’t know how many times he placed his lips on his brother’s face… or how long he plunged his tongue into the dark recesses of his mouth… but he knew that beyond a doubt that this must be what heaven felt like.

“Nero…” Weiss grabbed his hips and rubbed their arousals together. His little brother made an almost shrill sound of pleasure from the contact. “Excited?” He snickered.

“You have no idea.” Nero purred, wanting nothing more than to continue. “Just looking at you…” But he didn’t go on. “You should stop teasing me so much.”

“Sorry.” But Weiss wasn’t, he even kissed him again to prove it.

“I suppose I can take solace in the fact…” Nero breathed, when their kiss ended. “That you will always be mine... right here.” He put his hand over his heart and felt the pulse rise as he touched him.

Weiss smiled. “Yeah.”

“But you need to go now.” He kissed him again and drew his tongue into his mouth, shocking his older brother this time. “Thank you for the snack. It was delicious.” He winked at him and Weiss laughed. “Oh, and Weiss?”

“Hm?”

“Je t’aime.” He winked at him.

Weiss only frowned. “That better be French for “I’m never cooking again.””

“Hey! You have not had my cooking in over a year. You never know… I could have gotten better!” Nero pouted.

“I have to tease you about it.” Weiss smiled. “Besides… I know you haven’t been cooking. You’ve been eating out and bumming food off of Rosso.”

“She has never complained.”

“To you maybe.” Weiss rolled his eyes.

He would ignore that for now. “Oh yes!” Nero jumped off of him suddenly. “I almost forgot.”

Weiss was a bit dazed at his sudden movements. “What is it?”

“As you know… was birthday this last month.” Weis nodded his head to that and Nero continued. “Vivian gave me a late gift.” She usually gave Nero a few knickknacks. “But it is something of a white elephant I am afraid. I think she was thinking of you more than I.” Nero said slyly. “I might hang onto it.” Meaning he would hide it away so no one but him could ever hope to find it… in the void. “But when I am not hiding it away and we are together some nights… I thought you might like to use it?” He grabbed the slender book-like object he was holding earlier.

Weiss looked at it. It was… “Nero!” He took it from him gently, afraid he might break it if he was too overeager.

“Laptops are not really my thing.” Nero said offhandedly, as if this were not a major event. “I took the liberty of making a hookup for you. You know how I like to fiddle around with electronics?” He grinned. “It seems that a few wires went missing here and there from the consol Shelke uses.” He cut to the chase, feeling quite proud of himself. “It is very small so it will not be anywhere near as advanced as you are used to I am afraid. It will take me the rest of the night to tinker with it and make sure it is functioning correctly.” He apologized. “But you should be able to do a little research when Shelke is not able to.”

Weiss was so insanely happy he could have kissed him… so he did.

“You are welcome.” Nero breathed.

“Just a moment ago…?” Weiss wondered if he hadn’t been going crazy after all.

“You heard me singing?” Nero blushed, realizing. “I thought you came in afterwards.” He looked away. “I found the database you kept your files on. It was not very hard to find.” He watched the video clips of their father and mother over and over again. He needed to be reminded sometimes of how precious love was, and how easily it could die if it wasn’t nurtured. Just… like a flower. They didn’t need to be fighting right now, not when they needed to be united now more than ever.

Weiss thought he hid that file away in a safe place. He wondered how many other people have seen it.

“No one else looked, I made sure. Now they are here.” Nero put his hand down on the computer book. “Your password also was not very difficult.” He smiled. “Oren?”

“Obvious?” Weiss laughed.

“Flattering.” Nero smiled and kissed him. “Now get going. I will hide this away.” His little brother took the laptop from his hands… a little bit of darkness swelled up and it was as if it were never there. “I will let you have it back when he is not bothering you so much.”

“Thank you Nero.” Weiss held him again.

“Do not mention it.” He rested his chin on his shoulder. “Just… use it to help you free yourself. I cannot stand that man.”

“Neither can I.”

“It must be awful for you…” Nero finally said, cupping his cheek. “Having to be with him.” He was scary beyond reason. “Does he hurt you all the time?”

“Sometimes.” Weiss felt uncomfortable.

“He better hope that you kill him.” Nero said darkly. “I probably will not be as forgiving if I have the chance.”

Weiss could only laugh at that. “I’m sure you wouldn’t.”

“Look at me?” Nero sighed, “I am the one trying to shoo you off but I will not let you go.” He smiled before his darkness washed over him. “I will see you tomorrow beloved.”

“See you tomorrow.” Weiss smiled as the last wisp of blackness melted away into nothingness. He thought he heard his brother humming the song he sang earlier as he went. Things like that tended to get stuck in his head.

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Author’s Notes:

I fit in my sappy lyrics after all. The song Nero and his father sang was “How Can I Tell You” by Cat Stevens. I don’t know if I like how he sang it or not (blasphemy?), but and I thought Cat Power sounded very sweet when she sang it. I don’t usually have my characters sing songs… but I thought it might be a nice intro? Nice touch or sucky?

Sorry about the shortness of this chapter. It’s about half the size of my others (4 pages to be exact).

I guess I just wanted them to really see eye to eye finally. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take of them being upset at each other. That and I wanted the plan to advance some more.