Exquisite Dysfunction

Cloud hadn't slept to well the night before, and being woken up to the sound of Jiro singing, at four o'clock in the morning. Well, that just wasn't very pleasant. He didn't understand why they had to get up so early, just to go train, but Cloud just figured that was another thing he would have to get use to.

"Hey Cloud, you never did tell me why you decided to join SOLDIER." Jiro sat down on the edge of his bed, pulling his boots onto his feet, before lacing them up.


Cloud finished zipping up his uniform, slowly sitting down on the edge of his bed to pull his shoes on. "Well, where I'm from, everyone thinks of me as nothing. And I want nothing more then to prove them wrong." Cloud nodded, fixing his attention to the floor, thinking
back to all the kids who poked fun at him when he was in Nibelheim.

"That's a good reason. You're going to be a great SOLDIER, Cloud. All those people back home are going to be jealous and feel guilty for ever picking on you." Jiro rose from the bed, placing his hand on Cloud's shoulder.

Cloud jumped when he felt Jiro's hand on his shoulder, frowning at the taller youth. Jiro raised his eyebrow and nodded, before motioning for Cloud to follow him.

"We should start heading towards the gym, it's getting late." Cloud looked at the clock, not exactly sure how leaving this early in the morning could make them late for training. He let out a heavy sigh and nodded, following Jiro out of the room. He glanced around as other private's started to file out into the hallway.

"Let's stop by the mess hall, and get something to eat before we head over to the gym." Cloud turned his attention to Jiro and nodded.

"Looks like it's been raining." Jiro stated as him and Cloud reached the doors, leading outside to the courtyard. "We'll have to be careful, try not to get our shoes stuck in the mud."

Following the taller teen out the door, and across the courtyard, Cloud turns his head, looking over at a few of the third class SOLDIERS' making their way towards the mess hall. Cloud getting lost in his own thoughts, and stepping off the stone pathway that him and Jiro had previously been walking on. Cloud didn't even realize when his foot got caught on a root in the ground, he was too busy watching the first class SOLDIER he had met just yesterday, run across the courtyard, going towards the main building. Losing his balance, Cloud fell forward, a gasp escaping his lips as his face made contact with the muddy ground. Cloud stayed in his spot on the ground, the mud seeping into his open mouth. He heard everyone around him laughing, and he was pretty sure they were pointing. Jiro turned when he heard the laughter, quickly running over when he saw Cloud face down in the mud. He crouched down beside him, a frown fixed on his face.

"Cloud? Cloud, are you okay?" Cloud groaned, more mud oozing into his mouth. Not only do the people know what he looks like, now they know his name, leaving him open for more ridicule.

"What a fucking klutz." One of the other privates' said, while moving closer to Cloud's form laying in the puddle of mud. The boy stuck out his foot, placing it on the back of Cloud's skull and pushing his face more into the mud.

"Give it up, you're not SOLDIER material." The boy said, loud enough for everyone to hear, as he kept using his foot to push Cloud's face more into the mud.

Everyone around him started laughing again and Jiro rose to his feet. "Leave him be!"

The boy took his foot off Cloud's head, looking over at Jiro, "And what do you plan to do about it if I don't?"

Jiro moved closer to the other teen, "I'll kick your ass, that's what I'll do."

Jiro balled his hand into a fist at his side, getting into fight stance. The other private laughed, handing his books to one of his friends and smirking.

"Oh, you're serious, are you?" The boy got into fight stance as well, motioning for Jiro to come closer.

Just as Jiro went to throw a punch at the other teen, someone from behind grabbed his wrist. Jiro turned his head to see a first class SOLDIER holding his hand back. Jiro looked back to where the other teen had been standing with his friends, to see them making quick get away to the mess hall. The SOLDIER released Jiro's hand, motioning for everyone else around to disperse. Jiro crouched down at Cloud's side, reaching out to touch his back.

"Cloud, are you going to get up?"

The SOLDIER walked around to where the private was laying in the mud, his boots squishing as he made his way over to the blond haired youth. He crouched down in front of the boy, smiling.

"Did you have a nice trip? See you next fall!" Jiro bit back a laugh, and the SOLDIER grinned as Cloud lifted his head.

"Oh, that's real fucking..." Cloud stopped mid sentence, having opened his eyes, to that of the SOLDIERS face, covered in mud that he had spit out while talking.

"Please, continue with what you were going to say." The SOLDIER said, while wiping the mud off his face. "By the way that's one hell of a mud mask."

"Mature.." Cloud mumbled as he pushed himself up off the ground. Jiro and the SOLDIER rose to their feet, both trying to hold back their laughter as they got a good look at the mud covered Cloud in front of them.

Just as Cloud thought things couldn't get worse, he stepped forward, slipping in the mud and putting out his hands to brace himself for yet again, another fall. Instead of him hitting the ground though, he fell into the arms of the SOLDIER, causing Jiro to burst out laughing.

"Wow Cloud, I never realized you two were so close." The SOLDIER who was holding a muddy Cloud in his arms, gave a light laugh. Cloud's face turned a deep crimson even though it couldn't be seen through the mud. Not realizing no one could see his face, he buried his head into the SOLDIERS shirt, in an attempt to hide his crimson tinted face.

"Aw, Cloud! Maybe I should leave you two alone." Jiro grinned and the SOLDIER laughed more, helping Cloud to stand straight.

"I-I'm sorry, Sir." Cloud said, while fixing his eyes to the ground. The SOLDIER shook his head, him and Jiro still unable to control their laughter.

"W-We should get going, we're going to be late for class." Jiro stopped his laughing, raising one of his eyebrows.

"Um, Cloud.." Jiro said while stepping closer. "You have just a little something right there." He pointed to his face.

The SOLDIER laughed, and shook his head. "I'd say more then a little. Let's get you cleaned up and give you a new uniform."

Cloud frowned, shaking his head and looking down at his shoes. "No, I don't want to be late on my first day."

"I'd be more worried about walking into class looking like you do." Jiro nodded, pointing at the SOLDIER. "Besides, he's a first class SOLDIER, he can get us of out of class. Isn't that right?" Jiro turned, looking at the SOLDIER, giving him puppy dog eyes.

The raven haired teen nodded. "Yeah, I'll give both of you an excuse for being late."

"See, it's all settled, now let's get you cleaned up!" Jiro said, clapping his hands together.

Cloud nodded, but couldn't seem to get the courage to try to walk again, in fear of him slipping and meeting the same fate that he had just moments ago encountered. Jiro and the SOLDIER walked ahead, only turning back when they realized Cloud wasn't following them.

Jiro let out a sigh and held up his book filled arms. "Look, I can't carry you, Cloud! I have all our books." Jiro turned his attention to the SOLDIER standing next to him.

"But maybe our nice, strong, SOLDIER here can. After all, you already seem quite fond of one another."

Cloud shook his head in protest as the SOLDIER smiled, walking over to him and holding out his arms. "Sure, no problem."

Cloud held his hands out, in a way of telling the SOLDIER not to bother. The raven haired man just shook his head, leaning down and hooking his arm under the back of Cloud's knees. He lifted him up and turned towards Jiro, who was grinning quite widely.

"Here comes the bride! All dressed in..." Jiro said in a sing song voice, only stopping to blink, trying to fit words into that sentence.

"Oh, I know! MUD!!" The SOLDIER chuckled and Cloud just wrapped his arms around the man's neck, tears stinging his eyes. He was so embarrassed and wanted nothing more then to curl up and disappear. The SOLDIER looked down at the boy he was holding in his arms, smiling softly and walking with Jiro along the courtyard.

"Where are we going? You're not going to like..." Jiro glanced over at the first class SOLDIER. "Rape us, are you?"

The SOLDIER laughed and shook his head. "No, I have my own apartment on base. It's just right down this pathway."

Jiro nodded, following the man who was holding Cloud in his arms, somewhat disappointed that he wasn't going to be getting any tonight.

Once arriving to the SOLDIERS apartment, he asked Jiro to open the door for him, carrying Cloud inside once the door was ajar. Jiro followed closely behind him, glancing around the apartment.

"Damn first class SOLDIERS."

The raven haired youth told Jiro to have a seat on the couch and that him and Cloud would return in a minute.

Jiro raised his eyebrow, scoffing and sitting down on the couch. "I see how it is, he gets all the action! I'm going to go fall in some mud."

The SOLDIER chuckled and carried Cloud towards the bathroom. Once inside the bathroom, he sat Cloud down on the counter, looking around for a washcloth. After finding a washcloth, he ran the water in the sink, holding the cloth underneath the tap. Once soaked with water, he began to clean off the younger teens face.

"I-I can do that." Cloud said, snatching the washcloth away from him and cleaning off his face. The man just nodded and walked out of the bathroom, in search of another uniform for the private. Going into his room, he searched his closet, knowing he had to have at least one uniform left over from when he was private. Grabbing the uniform from the back of the closet, he smiled, making his way back into the bathroom.

"Here, it'll probably be a tad bit baggy on you." He set the uniform down on the counter, next to Cloud, before holding out his hand.

"Zack." Cloud looked up at him, a puzzled look on his face.

"Who?" He asked, glancing around the room.

"Me, silly." Zack laughed and Cloud blushed, covering his face with the washcloth.

"And your Cloud Strife." Cloud groaned, completely forgetting that the SOLDIER knew his name.

"Remember, I met you yesterday?"

Cloud nodded and hopped down off the counter. "Could you please leave while I get dressed?"

Zack smiled and left the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He entered the living room, raising his eyebrow when he saw Jiro across the other side of the room, rummaging through his desk. That wasn't even the weirdest part, it was the fact that he was singing 'Like a virgin.'

Jiro broke out into the chorus, throwing more papers over his head. "Like a virgin, touched for the very first time. Like a virgin, when your heart beats next to mine."

Zack covered his mouth, laughing into his hand. Jiro stopped all movement, holding papers in his hands, above his head. He shut his mouth quickly, his eyes going wide.

"Uh." He looked up at the papers in his hands, gasping and quickly putting his arms behind his back.

"Catchy song?" He grinned, placing the papers back on the desk.

Cloud came out of the bathroom, looking around at the papers strewn across the floor. "What the hell happened in here?"

Zack smiled, pointing over a Jiro. "Virgin here got a hold of my papers."

Jiro's eyes widened again and he pouted. "Hey!"

Cloud for the first time since arriving to Midgar, laughed. Zack smiled brightly at the sound of blond haired youth's laughter.

Looking Cloud over, Zack pointed to the uniform. "Told you it might be a bit baggy."

Cloud shrugged his shoulders. "It's better then nothing, right?"

Jiro laughed. "That uniform could swallow you whole, Cloud!"

Cloud growled and made a face, lifting his hand up and flicking Jiro off. Jiro winked at him and licked his lips, both Cloud and Zack breaking out into a fit of laughter, Jiro following suit shortly after. Zack glanced between both Jiro and Cloud. This is going to be the start of a very, chaotic, yet intriguing friendship. Thought the raven haired man. Cloud ceased all laughing and blinked a few times, lunging himself at Jiro, after realizing what he had just say.

"I'm not gay!" Cloud shouted while tackling Jiro to the ground.

Jiro laughed, looking up at Cloud. "Really? Could've fooled me, I see the way keep eyeing Zack over there."

Zack stood up straight, raising his eyebrow. "Whoa, leave me out of this one."

Jiro pushed Cloud off him. "Oh, come on!"

Cloud stayed in his spot on the floor, looking up at the two men in front of him.

Jiro smiled, stepping closer to Zack. "You know it's true! He's eyeballing that ass ever since we got here."

Cloud gasps and shakes his head, quickly standing on his feet. Zack laughs, looking over at Cloud.

Jiro turns to face him and smirks. "Oh don't think I didn't see you yesterday, Cloud."
Cloud frowned and once again tackled Jiro to the ground. Zack chuckled, oh yes, a very intriguing friendship. The man thought, before being pulled down on top of the other two boys. He only had one guess as to who pulled him down.

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Authors Note: I apologize if you guys don't like this chapter, ha ha. I did, it was very amusing to write. My co-writer thought of the idea to make Jiro the way he is. And I must admit, I love it. Reviews are very much appreciated ^.^ I already have like two other chapters written up, sooo if I get some reviews I could have the next one up by tonight. Oh yes, and I am very mean to Cloud, I know. Don't worry, things will get better for him, maybe. =^.^=