My Home

Domestic Disputes and Accusations
Like Weiss on Rice

------------------------------------------

Nero drummed his fingers across the table. Weiss was taking his time getting back today or Restrictor decided to keep him a little longer. Just the thought of the two of them together made him want to destroy the house in a fit of anger. Weiss was his! And yet he hadn’t made love to him in over a year! A bloody year that he was able to stay here without being confined and they hadn’t even so much as kissed!

He supposed it was his fault. Weiss looked like he wanted to sometimes… especially when Restrictor left him alone for long periods of time when he was too busy to bother with him. But he never would force anything on Nero and he had made it clear from the beginning that he wanted no part of some shared mate. It was all or nothing.

Because in his eyes, even though Weiss might say he wanted to protect him from Restrictor… he couldn’t help but think it was a pretense of sorts. For a while he absolutely knew Weiss was being victimized, but now… time had stretched on so long and they were still together.

Weiss was talking about their affair less and less. The last thing he said was Restrictor was making him cook for him now. That made him sick to his stomach. That was the only thing he had that was his from Weiss. Only he got to enjoy his cooking… and he stole even that.

He stole his nights too. Sometimes was too worn out to come home… or Restrictor made him stay with him. He couldn’t fathom why he would want his enemy in bed with him. Surely Weiss could kill him. But Weiss said the man was a light sleeper. He tried to leave one night and before he could turn over to get out of bed he had caught him. He didn’t even try anymore.

Weiss didn’t cry about what happened either… didn’t talk about it at all. He could always tell before when he was upset… now that bastard was on him all the time and he didn’t seem any worse for wear.

Sometimes Nero wondered if his worst fears had come about. If Weiss spent so much time with him in a domestic setting that he could fall for such a man. Restrictor was being kinder to him as of late… as kind as Restrictor could be anyway. Restrictor definitely had more to offer than he ever could. Even though he was a bastard and hurt Weiss… and left him to pick up what was left of his shattered mind over two years ago.

But it wasn’t a stretch that Weiss could develop something for him. If Restrictor offered affection and protection from this horrible place he might be tempted. Nero remembered something similar happening to him a long time ago. When someone much larger than him held him up and did those things to him.

Only when Nero did it… he wasn’t drugged. He didn’t have anyone else to save. He had been all too willing to make that man happy. He just wanted someone to love him.

He didn’t want Niles to go away and leave him. And when Vivian took him away from him, as much as he wanted to believe that it was all her fault at the time… Niles never came to see him again. He wondered if he had done something wrong. Maybe if he had been better then he would come back and rescue him and love him again. He couldn’t help but feel that he had disappointed him somehow. Maybe if he had been a better lover to him he would have wanted him.

He was that way with Weiss too. It wasn’t that he didn’t feel confidant that he pleased him… he knew that he did. He knew in the bottom of his heart that Weiss would only love him so deeply. He had to believe it. And yet… he wasn’t here with him right now. Did he love him and simply not find him good enough in that capacity anymore?

There was always that nagging in the back of his mind though. Was he not beautiful enough? Was he not strong enough? Weiss was complicated in a way. He loved beautiful faces and yet sexually he enjoyed being ravaged. It almost made sense to have someone like Restrictor to be with him… he wasn’t overly beautiful by any means. Restrictor was certainly not as beautiful as Nero if he allowed himself that one small proud thought to run through his mind. But he was lovely in his own way… he was certainly strong enough to do whatever Weiss needed him to.

He wondered if pushing Weiss away in the beginning might have been a bad idea? Maybe he was just pushing him into someone else’s arms. He thought maybe that giving him an ultimatum would get him to end it sooner… but maybe he just ended up making it permanent instead?

He lit up again. He was smoking more as of late. There was no point in trying to stop… it’s all he had. That and drinking. He never got wasted all the time… that wouldn’t do anyone any good. He just liked a little buzz to take the edge off of the day. He wondered why he didn’t get drunk more often? Maybe then he could deal with reality. Then again he would probably die in a battle if he wasn’t on top of his game.

He leaned back in his chair and sighed. Sometimes he wondered about the sex. Weiss wouldn’t look him in the eye some days. He wondered if he was guilty or ashamed. He wondered if he was ashamed because of the things done to him and he was upset about it… or guilty because he secretly enjoyed such things and was betraying him?

It just felt like he didn’t even need him anymore.

As much as he wanted to be okay with this arrangement it was destroying him from the inside out. He wanted to ask if he just enjoyed tormenting him? Either Weiss was breaking down and actually cared for that man… or Restrictor was breaking him down to the point where his abuse of him was seen as normal. He really wasn’t sure how to feel… grateful his brother cared about him enough to do this or pissed because he was? It wasn’t fair.

He thought in circles like this all the time. He just wasn’t sure what to think anymore. He just knew he was insanely horny and his stupid brother wasn’t here throwing himself down on the bed and asking him to make him feel better.

He heard the door opening then and Weiss stepped inside. His brother looked at him in surprise, Nero supposed it was because he was early… and Weiss wasn’t.

“Sorry.” Weiss said immediately. “I’m just going to take a shower, I’ll cook dinner afterwards.”

“I already ate.” Nero informed him, he thought it was going to be another all nighter and grabbed a bite to eat. He knew he should have waited, but he grew tired of that some days. He did that a lot at first, starving himself waiting for Weiss to return. It just added to the empty ache inside. He couldn’t deal with it.

“Oh.” Weiss nodded, feeling his stomach sink even further. Did he not need him at all anymore? He supposed it was alright. He was being selfish asking that of him wasn’t he? His brother needed to eat and couldn’t rely on him anymore.

Weiss couldn’t say anything else and be sure of his voice. He could only hope by the time he got them out of this mess that it wasn’t too late for them. He was already asking too much. He made sure his footing looked steady as he went into the bathroom. He ran a shaky hand through his white hair before he took off his clothes. He should have been more careful, there was blood on the seat of his pants. He would have to wash them… hopefully it would come out.

He stepped into the shower and felt a wave of exhaustion move over him. He decided to sit down on his knees in the shower and turned on the taps. The warm water cascaded down his back in sheets and soothed his sore muscles. They had been tightly clenched almost all night and all day as well.

What was he doing? What happened to him not taking any crap from Restrictor anymore? The old Weiss would have at least fought back with his unfair abuse of him. That dirty old man was just punishing him because he was upset about the whole ‘almost calling out his brother’s name’ thing. The selfish bastard. He only agreed to let him have sex with him… not be his honest to goodness lover with all those emotional attachments.

With all of those rough touches against his body that shattered him almost every night, he could almost forget those wonderfully gentle hands that used to run over his skin and make him feel whole. Nero used to make love to him in here, in the shower before they went to bed some nights. Sometimes in the mornings if they woke up early enough. He could remember gripping the grouting between the tiles as he slid into his body and made him feel new and loved.

With the warm water rushing against the top of his head… he lifted his chin until it ran over his face. He could almost imagine Nero leaning down to kiss him then. He could do whatever he wanted to him if he just would...

A sharp knock at the door startled him. “I need to pee. I’m coming in there.” Without further ado Nero barged right in, it never mattered before. Weiss could see his blurry image through the sliding glass as he stood there. Even through the frosty glass he could see his red eyes, they were looking at him curiously. “Are you sitting down?”

“Yeah.” Weiss answered, feeling a little awkward talking to him even though he wasn’t the one going to the bathroom. He supposed he got ‘stage fright’ and Nero always seemed to be relatively unaffected by this sort of thing.

Nero had never seen him do such a thing before. “Are you feeling alright?”

What did he say to that? “I guess.”

Nero sighed at his unforthcoming answers. He flushed the toilet, forgetting about the shower. When Weiss made an uncomfortable noise he apologized, “Sorry.” He looked down at his clothes then, there some blood spotting them. He looked over to his brother sitting down in the shower again. He looked wretched to him suddenly, there definitely was something wrong. He hadn’t been scheduled to spar with anyone today. His assignment had been to exercise and work on his sword technique. Weiss might be a little distracted as of late but he never injured himself... especially not near there. “There is blood on your clothes, did you nick yourself today?” He wondered how he would answer him.

Weiss wanted to save himself the embarrassment of having to explain what happened… so he lied. “It was just someone, I wasn’t being careful and it happened.”

Nero’s face turned into a scowl. He was lying to him! He stamped his foot angrily. What the hell was going on here?! He jerked the sliding door open. “What did he do to you?”

Weiss looked away then. “Nothing. I just-”

“Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare even thinking of lying to me again!” Nero screamed. “Is he hurting you?”

He didn’t want to tell him but he knew he had been caught. “Just tonight, it was my fault.”

Nero felt his heart sink at that. “Why?” He didn’t say anything as he came into the door. Suddenly his demeanor earlier made sense.

But he was too embarrassed to say. “No reason.”

Nero’s eyes softened, he wanted desperately to be calm and talk to him gently but he was closing up on him. “Why won’t you tell me?”

“It’s not important.” Weiss dodged yet again.

“It’s important to me!” Nero wailed. “You are mine! Not his!” He felt such sadness at his own words. He wondered if they were true anymore. “Just… finish your shower and talk to me! I can’t stand this anymore!”

Weiss shut the sliding door after the bathroom door slammed closed. It was like leading some strange double life… leaving that awful man’s apartment then coming back home to see Nero for a while and sleep for a few hours.

Suddenly... he wished he could stretch out time forever so he would never have to leave this warm place and he could feel calm and safe.

------------------------------------------

He spent an hour in the shower trying to figure out what Nero might say to him and how he would answer him. It didn’t really matter, because he was so nervous he couldn’t keep a thing in his mind. And as well as he knew Nero he had no idea what he would ask him. He toweled his hair, almost snickering about how ridiculous his reflection looked in the mirror.

When he could stall no longer he left the bathroom and saw Nero waiting in the dining area. He was staring at the door as if he believed Weiss might sneak away if he wasn’t watching. “Hello.”

“Come here and sit down.” Nero’s voice was blunt.

Weiss frowned at that, he never liked it when that brat did that. He hated being ordered around. Everyone for almost as long as he could remember told him what to do. He never minded it when Nero was making love to him… but everything else just aggravated him.

“Weiss, please do not look at me that way. I just want you to come here.” Nero softened his tone, although Weiss could tell he was aggravated at him not complying with him. “Please come here and sit down with me.” He finally said and Weiss did as he asked.

Weiss wanted to say something, anything to break the silence between them, but he couldn’t think of a thing to say. Sorry? No, he had done that a hundred times before.

“What happened?”

“What do you mean?” Weiss asked.

“Weiss, please.” Nero was tired of this. He wished his brother wouldn’t be so difficult. “I saw the blood on your clothes so just tell me what happened.”

How could he say it? “He was just rough with me… that’s all.”

“You said it was your fault?” Nero grumbled, his brother’s thoughts were obviously so jumbled he couldn’t remember which lie he told him first. “Just stop lying please. Start over and tell me the truth.”

But Weiss looked away and said nothing.

“Was he punishing you for something?” Or did you ask him to fuck you so hard he hurt you by accident?

“I’d rather not say.” Was all Weiss could muster.

He couldn’t stand it any longer and just asked him outright. “Do you love him?” Nero asked.

Weiss was taken aback by such a question. Of course not! How could he even ask? “No.”

Nero took his hesitance for a confession. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. God he needed a drink.

Weiss waited for a few minutes for him to speak again, instead he just stared down miserably at the table. When he said nothing he asked, “Do you need to talk about something?” Hoping desperately to change the subject.

“Don’t you?” Nero countered.

“Nothing really that I haven’t said a hundred times before.”

“You’re handling it better now than you were.” Nero observed, finally looking up and seemed somewhat enlightened.

“I guess I’m just getting used to it.” He wasn’t really. He hated it and he just wanted to stay here like old times. He didn’t want to upset Nero though. He already knew it bothered him enough without getting very upset about it. He guessed he was just sick of what it was doing to him… and more importantly about what it was doing to them.

“He’s been fucking you for over a year now.” Nero finally spoke.

Weiss flinched at that. “Don’t remind me.”

Nero sighed. “I wish you wouldn’t.”

“You say that like I have a choice.” He tittered.

Nero slammed his fist down on the table, startling his brother enough to make him look up. “You always have a choice!”

Weiss couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “He would kill you!”

“I don’t care.” Nero desperately tried to find anything to do but scream. He glared down looked at his nails as if he found them fascinating.

“You don’t care?!” Weiss was just as angry with Nero’s disregard for his own life as he was for him giving his body away.

“I figured it out a long time ago.” Nero said in a matter-of-fact way. He wanted desperately for the jealousy coursing through him to stop. He definitely didn’t want to voice his insecurities. But he couldn’t stop it once he started. “You knew after the first time he threatened you… that couldn’t hold me unless I let him. You are just going back there willingly because you want him.”

Weiss felt a cold feeling rush through him then. “Is that what you think? You think I want to give myself to him?” His accusation cut him more deeply than anything Restrictor could ever do to him.

“If the shoe fits…”

Weiss trembled in white hot furry before his body began shaking in utter despair. “Why are you saying this?” I love you. He wanted to say… but he couldn’t.

“Because you haven’t given yourself to me in a year.”

“Because I am ashamed of myself!” He screamed.

That made him feel better somewhat, it meant he might still have a chance. Weiss wanted him still… at least he said so. But he was still angry at him, and he couldn’t stop himself. “Then stop it.” He growled. “I’m fucking sick of you throwing yourself away on my account. Do you know what it does to me?!”

“Do you know what it does to me?!” Weiss screamed right back.

“I know what it does to you… you stupid bastard!” Nero screamed. “I’ve watched for a year while you’ve destroyed yourself. You are not even you anymore. Do you know how guilty I am knowing that it is my fault that this happened?”

“It’s my fault.”

“Shut up!” Nero screamed. “Stop being so fucking meek! You are pissing me off!”

Something inside Weiss snapped and he stood up angrily. “Well sorry you stupid little brat!”

“This is my fault!” Nero claimed, standing right up along with him. “Do you know how ashamed I am? Do you know how ashamed I am for letting you do this to yourself?” He covered his face then. “And what’s worse you haven’t asked for my help once! I do not have to stay here you know? I can follow you around wherever you go and help you if you would just let me!”

Weiss laughed at the ridiculousness of it. “Help me how? Getting yourself killed or watching what he does to me?”

Nero wanted to scream just then. “I might not be able to keep you in me for very long but I could take you away! I could hide you for a little while at least.” He pointed his finger accusingly. “Instead you just go off with him and leave me to pick up the pieces afterwards!”

Weiss rolled his eyes to the ceiling and started laughing again. “To where? Where in the hell would you take me that he could not follow?” He almost felt hysterical at the realization of it all. “He’ll never let me go as long as he lives!”

That statement only brought up that plan Weiss had made God only knows how long ago, the plan that had not advanced fast enough as far as he was concerned. “How far along are you in your plan? Hm? It’s been years! It was easy to be patient when you weren’t being fucked by that horrible beast!”

“You are telling me this like I’m not the one getting fucked by him!” He could turn absolutely purple from the anger he was experiencing right now. “This is just like the last time!”

“What do you mean?”

“Instead of thanking me for helping you… instead of loving me… you just throw it right back in my face!” Weiss didn’t even know why he did anything for this miserable boy. Well, he did but his rational mind wouldn’t let him accept the reasons right now. It was hard when the person you were protecting suddenly turned on you. “You feel sorry for yourself and scream at me. Well boo-fucking hoo Nero! Don’t you ever think that it would be nice to be kind to me? Maybe say you’re sorry for once instead of attacking me!” He breathed. “And even though it wouldn’t work… have you ever thought to give me that suggestion before now? You could have said you would help me out! You just assumed I thought of it and didn’t want your help!”

Nero threw his arms into the air. Weiss had never talked to him that way before and it was just fueling his anger to dangerous levels. “You always think of everything.”

“Yes, when I’m not being fucked by that bastard! All I can think of right now is that I want to get away from him and not how!” Weiss screamed, becoming more incensed by the moment. He couldn’t believe he was accusing him of all of those awful things! Not to mention he was acting like them not sleeping together was his idea. “And you are one to talk about me not giving myself to you! You haven’t exactly been trying to touch me either. You don’t even sleep with me anymore… so fuck you!”

“Why don’t you stop now then? Just go to that bastard and tell him you’re through!”

“You act like everything is so cut and dry… you make me sick.” Weiss wanted to wring his neck. “You’ve lived down here all your life. You should know better.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, it’s fucking so!”

“Well what would you have to lose?”

“Heh… ha ha ha! HAHAHA!” Weiss threw his head back in his frustration. “You think I can just walk up to Restrictor and tell him it’s over?”

“And why not?”

“If I went up to him even tomorrow and told him no… he wouldn’t care. I think you already know that.” Weiss screamed.

“Wouldn’t it be better than giving yourself up willingly?”

“You really are an idiot.” Weiss covered his face. “Do you think I want a repeat every single day of what happened to me the first time? As awful as it is now I remember… I can always remember what he did the first time. You don’t know what that’s like. I just don’t want it anymore.” But none of that mattered as long as Nero was alive. It didn’t matter what he did to him as long as Nero loved him… but that had been remained to be seen. His brother was treating him just how he felt. Like some fucking whore.

And just as soon as it started, it stopped and Nero’s angry jealousy deflated almost instantly. “I’m sorry I said all that.”

Weiss visibly calmed as well. “I’m sorry too.”

“Don’t be sorry, please don’t.” It made him feel so bad. “You just didn’t tell me anything anymore. I can’t tell when you are hurt and it scares me.” He sat down and Weiss followed suit.

“I’m ashamed.” Weiss repeated. “I’ve brought this onto myself. I don’t think it’s fair for me to have to tell you about it all the time. I know how helpless you feel.”

“I’m sorry about that.” He was sorry for a lot of things. “I keep saying I’ll get better, but I keep throwing around accusations. I shouldn’t. Especially not about him.”

But Weiss did understand, he was afraid he was going to get feelings for Restrictor like he had feelings for that Niles person. Nero had explained it to him before how he had felt about that man so long ago. There was no way he could feel that for Restrictor though. Nero didn’t understand and he didn’t want to explain it. He killed their father. He literally basked in the glow of his suffering for years. Only when he was miserable did he seem happy. Then he raped him out of pure cruelty. A year of him treating him somewhat nicely wasn’t going to make up for all of that. The fact that he hurt him again tonight didn’t help matters. It just made him afraid he would start hurting him without provocation. “You shouldn’t. I only want to be with you. You are the only man I’ll ever love.”

Nero looked at him gently then, he really wanted to kiss him. But he couldn’t, he wasn’t going to go back on what he said… at least not until he agreed with something first. “Do you want to be with me?”

“Of course.” Weiss nodded.

“Then do something for me.” Nero requested.

“What do you want me to do?” Weiss would give him just about anything right now if he would just touch him… kiss him… anything at all would be wonderful at this point.

“Be with me” Their eyes met for a moment, they thought they might connect. “Please come with me.”

“Go where?” Weiss asked, wondering now if he could even fulfill his wish.

“Anywhere, just for a little while. Let us hide away like when we were younger.”

Weiss wanted nothing more than to do that, but he had to ask. “Will we be back by morning?”

And Nero’s eyes went dark and saddened. He knew what Weiss was thinking. “No.” He picked up his cigarettes again. He already knew his answer without being told.

“I can’t.” He couldn’t. He couldn’t stand it if he got caught. Just the thought of what he might do to him made his skin crawl.

“I see.” Nero’s voice went from warm to emotionless just like that. “A pity.” He stood up then, but didn’t head back to their rooms like Weiss thought he might.

“Where are you going?”

“Out.” Nero said, being about as cooperative as he was earlier.

“When will you be back?”

“I am not sure. Maybe a few days? I need to get out of here… I can’t stand it.” He couldn’t stand the loneliness of it all. He would have given him everything if he would just give him an inch. But Weiss was too afraid. He needed to get to the bottom of this. “Have a goodnight.” And he shut the door behind him.

So he wouldn’t have him either way would he? What did Shelke’s warning mean if things between them were so bad off? He wondered now if Nero even believed a thing he said earlier. He was sure they connected just a moment ago… before he requested him to go awol. Now, with his reluctance maybe he just put things right back where they started.

He wished he would have said yes now, no matter the consequence. But he knew running after Nero now would prove fruitless. His brother wouldn’t be found until he wanted to be found. And he said he would be gone for a few days.

Sadness crashed in on him as he sat down alone at the table. He got up and went to his bedroom. Once inside he laid down on the bed then and touched the space beside him. He pulled Nero’s pillow to him and pushed his face into it. That earthy smell was strong, and it told him he slept in his bed recently. He smiled and hugged the pillow to him a little tighter. Maybe he was a lonely soul too… just like him.

They would be together in the end, he was sure of it. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep smelling Nero’s scent.

------------------------------------------

Author’s Notes:

I did not edit as much as I usually do, but I wanted to post this anyway to get it up here and published. Hope you enjoy it anyway. I'll go back and re-read it for the fourth time like I usually do (and still miss stuff!) in a little while.

I love these blow-out arguments that I’m having Weiss and Nero go through. I am almost always disappointed in stories that never seem to mention any sort of conflict between the two main lovers… like anyone ever gets along or sees eye to eye all the time? Please.

Not all stories need to contain such things – oneshots and/or when the two characters are developing feelings for each other are definitely not the place for such things. But sometimes I think it would be nice for everything to be not so hunky-dory.

In the next chapter we get to see some of Restrictor-sama’s past. Won’t that be fun? I’m sure everyone wants me to kill him off already. (laugh) Don’t worry… it’ll happen but you’ll just have to be patient until I end this hehe.

It has occurred to me that I might want to go back through and start removing the song bits from my stories. I think sometimes that they are unnecessary especially in longer stories like these.

Not to mention they make it seem sort of cheesy. I might just mention in the author’s notes at the end what I was listening to since music really inspires me to write these things. I might not remove them… I’m not sure yet. Either way I might start renaming the chapters in this story. I think they are rather random and I would like there to be some order. I might do it after I’m finished with this though and have more time.

Thank You:

To Aquila and FakeMemory for all of the reviews and help. I actually have as many reviews as I have chapters now! Hehe. I’m really glad you guys give me so much feedback. It really helps a lot with my confidence about how I am forming my story… that and the feedback helps me continue writing at a steady pace instead of wondering if what I am doing is right or not.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!