Absolution I: Forsaken

BY : writeright
Category: Final Fantasy VIII > Yaoi - Male/Male
Dragon prints: 584
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Disclaimer: Seifer (and anyone else that may happen to appear later on) doesnít belong to me, he and everything else related to Final Fantasy VIII are the property of Square Enix. Iím just writing this for my own amusement and the only thing I get from it is the occasional review.

Why have you forsaken me,
In your eyes forsaken me,
In your thoughts forsaken me,
In your heart forsaken, me

~ System of a Down- Chop Suey!

The world is celebrating her death. Or, at least Esthar is. I can hear them all around me, praising Garden and SeeD for killing Ultimecia and saving everyone from the death true time compression would have caused. Squall is a hero now, the last thing he ever wanted to be.

I, on the other hand, am a failure and a wanted criminal. For serving as a loyal knight as long as I could, Iím wanted by Esthar and Galbadia alike. I wasnít there in the end, to save her from SeeD. A knight is supposed to protect his sorceress, but I failed to be there. I donít know what happened after they defeated Adel because I wasnít there. Maybe I should turn myself in.

And face trial, possibly execution?

Right now Iím thinking I deserve to be removed from the world. I failed to become a SeeD, failed to defend UltimeciaÖwhat use is there for failures? Animals that fail and fall behind are removed by the natural order of things, so why should I be an exception?

Hyne only knows how many days Iíve been here, somewhere in Esthar City listening to the sounds of their celebrations, but itís getting on my nerves. I was smart enough to burn my jacket, to make myself a little less recognizable, yet thereís still a chance someone will bother to look carefully down this side street, see my face or gunblade, and know me for who I am. Seifer Almasy, the almighty failure.

If sheíd succeeded, youíd be just as dead as everyone else would, you know.

But I would have died knowing that I defended her, helped her achieve her goal, no matter how crazy of an idea it was. Whatís the point of being the only person able to exist? Even I have enough sense right now to know her ultimate plan made no sense yet yet I helped her because that was my duty. Helped her even though it cost me the only real friends I ever had.

Most people were just scared of me, but not Raijin and Fujin. We were a posse, until my loyalty to her became the more important thing. Theyíve probably gone back to Garden, or at least to Balamb, but Iím sitting here, in some dirty corner of Esthar, wishing I could forget about my failures.

Maybe in other parts of the city the celebrating is a bit more wholesome, but certainly not where I am. People are smoking - and judging by the smell, most of it isnít tobacco Ė drinking whatever alcohol they can get their hands on, and some guys in the distance, who don't look much older than me, seem to be snorting something. All manners of good unclean fun are going on around me, but I have no desire to join in.

True, there is a sorceress still around and I could offer to be her knight, but she already has one. Rinoa and Squall, the perfect little couple, even if he wonít admit thatís what he thinks of her. The fool went into outer space to rescue that bitch, but heís probably still denying that he cares about her. Sheíd laugh if she knew what Iíd been reduced to, some nameless, faceless person living in one of the worse parts of town, although even this isnít really too bad compared to how it could be. The houses around me are still reasonably intact, after all.

If only I had a GF to junction. Then Iíd begin forgetting every mistake Iíve made, every reason that Iím nothing but a failure, a completely washed out excuse for a human being. But Iím not a SeeD and I never will be, so forgetting isnít an option.

I miss the sound of her voice inside my head, giving me orders and telling me what I already know, or thought I knew Ė that Squall and the other SeeDs wouldnít stand a chance against me. But they did, they beat me a total of four times. Once was Squall all by himself, and the other three were he and other SeeDs. Although that last time they did have some help from a powerful GF, losses are losses and I canít stand losing anything, especially losing a fight to him.

One of the drunks falls into me after being shoved hard, interrupting my train of self-loathing thoughts. I reach for Hyperion reflexively, almost run it through his stomach, but I stop myself at the last moment. Someone around may be sober enough to recognize this blade for what it is. I drop it and settle for punching said drunk in the face, getting blood from his now split-open lip on my gloves.

Theyíll learn quickly not to disturb me. Thinking about how much I hate myself is turning into a very nice way to pass the time. I donít even know how long itís been since I heard the festivities begin. Most likely two or three days, though I have no way of telling for sure.

Hyne, just let me think of some way to forget and I might consider feeling grateful to youÖthen again, maybe the way to forget will take my mind so far away from thinking clearly that I wonít be able to be grateful.

A/N: I donít know where the angst bunny came from, but I decided to indulge it and start off with this introduction. Review, give me constructive criticism, but all outright flames will be deleted. This is just some messed-up idea I decided to write for the sheer reason that itís drastically different and will be darker than anything Iíve done to this point, but then of course things should get better. This chapter wasnít even worth an R-rating LOL, but future ones will be.

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