Designed To Fade

Title: Designed To Fade
by: tuatha danaan
Summary: I have travelled a long road, from one world to another and
back again. Now I must complete the journey.
Classification: Auron fic, Angst, some Humour, Auron/Braska, Auron/Rikku
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Squaresoft, but
this story is mine. Feedback is welcome, review here or email tuatha@coastalnet.com.au

Prologue

I am not a fiend.

I am not a monster.

It is my daily mantra and my morning prayer as I run a hand over my
face when I wake, checking that I'm still human. I haven't changed
into something else as I slept. It is a nightmare that I have
frequently, one that I am glad to have awakened from. My face is
still recognisable, and the stubble I feel reminds me that I need to
shave today. I am going to the blitzball tournament, and it wouldn't
do to scare the fans off.

Jecht left me floating in shallow water, in a tiny bay of an island
just south of Kilika, and it took me a week to get a boat from there
and finally here to Luca. I'd had no idea where the boy was, only
hoping that Jecht would deposit him somewhere safely. I decided to
head here in the hope that the lure of blitzball would bring him
here to me, and I was gratified to see him on the sphere when the
players arrived on the boats yesterday.

Later I look into the cracked glass above the sink in the bathroom
of the inn and wonder why my mind has seen fit to add the
appropriate years, although I haven't celebrated a birthday in the
last ten years. It is a ghoulish thought and I smile grimly to
myself, a lightening of my reflection as I hold the blade of the
razor to my throat.

Strange thoughts often fill my mind. I know that if the razor
slipped it wouldn't kill me, but I wonder. Would my mind create a
new scar for me to carry around? It's another thought that provides
vague amusement, even in death I have to be careful not to slip.

I take everything with me, my sword, my tokkuri. I don't expect to
return to the inn. I had of course heard that a new summoner was
arriving from the isle of Besaid, Braska's daughter. Everyone was
talking about the High Summoners' daughter and how she could be the
new hope of Spira. Once I find Tidus we will be seeking out the
summoner's party to join their pilgrimage. I made a promise to
Braska, one to Jecht and one to myself. This time I won't fail. I
will keep those promises I made, for all our sakes.

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