What t$#%?$#%?

BY : larch
Category: Final Fantasy VII > Yaoi - Male/Male
Dragon prints: 529
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Seeing as how the conversation with Daren had ended, and wanting to quickly get over the subject, Cid opened the door to make sure Vincent hadnít wandered off after a butterfly.

Vincent was now fine, as proved by the metal fist ing ing Cid in the nose.

"OW! Goddamnit, Iím never rescuing you ever again!"

"Fuck off," Vincent said, shaking his hand. Cid wondered if Vincent had actually hurt himself or if he just thought he knocked his knuckles loose. Maybe it was a reflex.

"I did. You tried to kill me afterwards."

"You have a left hand, or did you kick that out of the house too?" Vincent asked, angrily.

Sephiroth came inside, but was smart enough not to say anything.

"Let me guess. You accomplished absolutely nothing and the situationís gottense,&se," Vincent said.

"Well, if you put it that wayÖ" Cid said.

"So what exactly did happen?"

"Well, Iím not gonna kill him even though he kicked me in the nuts," Cid said, pointing at Daren with his thumb. "And heís his brother." Cid pointed at Spehiroth.

"WHAT?" Sephiroth and Daren asked.

"Oops," Cid said.

* * * * *

Five minutes later the scene had drastically changed. Sephiroth was sitting in a chair, rocking back and forth and looking ill. "This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not happening," he repeated to himself.

Daren was in the corner, scared someone would mentally snap and take it out on him, the smallest person in the room. He was even afraid of Vincent now. Heíd made the remark that someone had to have had a severe blow to the head to have married Hojo, and Vincent started screaming at him threatened numerous versions of physical torture if he ever insulted Lucrecia again.

"CidÖ there are no words for how stupid you are. If I went over to Kalm and got that chocobo of Cloudís that died from eating his chocolate bar, Iíd have more help."

"Hey, I thought you told him already."

"Cid, he burned down Nibelheim after finding out who his mother was. Why would anyone tell him who his father was?"

"It wasnít his real mom."

"Cid, please tell me that this is as useless as youíre going to get, I donít think I could stand any more. At least tell me you found me a gun. I donít care if itís stolen, I donít care if it shoots water, I donít even care if itís bright pink. I NEED a gun!"

"So thatís what that uncomfortable lump under your pillow was," Cid said.

"Cid, someone was trying to kill me! I was being cautious."

"Thank you, 007. Look, Sheraís still missing, my house got trashed, and Iíve been having the biggest migraine in history because I havenít had a cigarette since I arrived in this fucking town. Now shut the fuck up for a second and give me something to smoke. I donít care if itís aspirin."

"Thatís all you have to say? Youíve had two days and all youíve deduced is that you need to smoke something? Are you sure you havenít smoked anything already today?"

"Look, Iím sorry if Iím not like detective Conan the Barbarian over there," Cid said, gesturing to Sephiroth, who was still rocking back and forth.

"Actually, he saidó" Daren interrupted.

Cid and Vincent turned to him.

"Sorry, I didnít mean to interrupt. Go back to killing each other."

"No. Go on. One of you," Vincent said.

"After the first time I operated on you, someone broke into here. They seem to have taken a few syringes, my address book, and my rubbing alcohol. Since I smelled the rubbing alcohol at his house, whoever attacked you mustíve been behind it. Since Shera went missing, but there wasnít any blood other than yours in the house, he figured sheís a hostage. They mustíve used it to knock her out. I think you know where the syringe went."

Vincent nodded but didnít say anything.

"Sephiroth figured it mustíve been me doing the murders except Iím such a pacifist I might kill myself with a packet of ketchup."

"Not to mention I donít see anyone withówith whatever that blood thing you have using a sword, especially when they know theyíre using it wrong," Cid said.

"Exactly," Daren said, smiling at the fact that Cid actually did figure something out. "They tried to threaten him by leaving Sephirothís sword in his front door, but that means they think heís dead. If they took my address book, they know Iím involved, and they must think Shera would make a better hostage than a victim. Right Mr. Highwind?"

"Yeah, what he said," Cid said. "And I figured out some other shit."

Vincent gave Cid a doubtful look.

"They donít want you dead," Cid said. "Sephiroth probably, but not you."

"Huh?" everyone asked, including Sephiroth, who fell out of his seat.

"If they already knew you, theyíd know you already had mako in ya and a bigger tolerance for it than I do for nicotine"

"Why bother in the first place?" Daren asked. "It seems like a lot of trouble."

"Because all I really needed was for him to keep his mouth closed," they heard someone say. They all turned and saw someone new in the doorway. Overall, he was nondescript, but the large shotgun aimed right at them kept their attention.

"Damnit, weíre getting you a better lock for that thing," Cid said.

"Tracey, Ginger," he said, stepping into the room and waving the gun at Vincent and Spehiroth. "Touch the ceiling. You, hands on those goggles."

"What about me?" Daren asked.

"I donít care about you," he said, turning to Daren. "Dear sweet lord! You look a mess!"

"Dad?" Daren asked.

"Who?" everyone else asked. They went silent as the gun went off and the window exploded.

"Toss the sword and spear out that or theyíll have to bury your kneecaps separate from the rest of you."

The three exchanged glances, but didnít move.

"Okay, fine. Weíll do it your way. Everyone tosses their weapons out the window and dies nice and quietly or the woman loses her kneecaps."

"Thatís my fiancée!" Daren exclaimed.

"Oh, would you shut up?" his dad exclaimed

"What the bloody fuck did I do?" Cid asked, as he aephiephiroth tossed theiaponapons out the smashed window.

"Youíre too smart for your own good."

"I think you got the wrong guy," Cid said. "I donít know shit!"

"I agree," Vincent said.

"Oh leave me the fuck alone, will you?"

"Didnít I say no talking?" Darenís dad asked.

"No," all three said.

"Well, then shut the fuck up!"

"Excuse me," Daren said. "But if youíre going to re-wallpaper my walls with the insides of my friendís heads, can I at least know why?" Daren asked.

"Cheer up, you should be proud."

"Proud? Of what? That mass murder runs in the family?"

Darenís dad sighed. "Would one of you fill him in before I kill you all?"

Everyone shrugged.

"Oh for Peteís sake, did you all work for Shinra, or do you all have brain damage?"

No one said anything, but they exchanged a few insulted glances.

"ÖI didnít work for Shinra," Daren said.

"Well, if it makes you feel better, I didnít kill everyone," Darenís dad said.

"Reno did," Vincent said. "He took the bombs from Rude, killed him, took the first job that supplied him with weapons and victims, and ended up getting arrested by Elena while out partying."

"Heís got Shera right now, doesnít he?" Cid asked.

"Whoís got her?" Sephiroth asked.

"Ooh, so close," Darenís dad said. "Sheís with Rude."

"Itís always the quiet ones," Cid said.

"He pulled off all those murders, too, didnít he? You just told him who the target was," Vincent said.

"Exactly. And then you showed up and were a rather difficult target."

"Sorry, maybe if you asked politely. But why mako poisoning?"

"Because, I had access to my brotherís notes, on you, him, and everything else he did," Darenís dad said, pointing at Sephiroth. "I knew exactly which were on what project and he knew Iíd only use them to my own advantage.

"You have no idea how close you already were to mako poisoning. And if I could push you past your bodyís limit, youíd be a vegetable for the rest of your life."

"May I say something?" Daren asked.

His dad sighed and took a step towards the door. "If you must."

"First, I have to say that youíre bluffing. Youíre not going to shoot anyone if we all stood around until next year. Thatís why you havenít shot anyone yet, even the greatest and most insane person ever known, no offense sir."

Sephiroth nodded, still holding his hands up.

"You still need him, dead, donít you? Hojo didnít have me in wedlock and you knew Spehiroth was going to come back. You knew with everyone else gone and Hojo the only other one to have children the company could be passed on to you.

"You read the notes. You knew heíd come back. You knew Shinra didnít have a policy about how sane someone had to be to inherit. Thatís why you needed him dead.

"Thatís also why you need me dead. With his legitimate son gone, Iím the benefactor, not you. You know how annoyingly ethical and passive I am, and you knew youíd never make any money off anyone who obeyed the law. Thatís why the window. You shot it because of me, not them. The doorís wide open."

"Are you quite done?"

"Not yet. I am feeling rather faint, though. Good work," Daren wobbled slightly and caught his balance on the counter.

"Huh?" Cid asked.

"Heís going to let his son bleed to death. He knew if the window more exploded than broke a piece would hit Daren."

"Exactly," Daren said, then turned back to his father. Youíre not going to shoot anyone. Rudeís working for you, and his specialty is fists and bombs. Shooting the window will get rid of me, but it was also the cue to sabotage the gas pipe, wasnít it?

"Youíre just stalling. Sheraís your collateral to get out of here alive."

"Congratulations," Darenís dad said. "Any more?"

"Yes," Daren said, holding his head and struggling to stay upright. "You hate the TURKS, they took your best job from you. Thatís why Reno and Elena are dead. Thatís why you never intend to pay Rude, except with a bullet."


"Yes, I think I am," Daren said, and fell over with a loud thud.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Darenís dad said, backing out the door. "I bid you, farewell. Rest in pieces, little charred ones"

Cid turned to bolt out the door, but Vincent put his arm out and stopped him, shaking his head.

Darenís dad fired the gun.

Indeed, there was an explosion: the light fixture.

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