Adult-FanFiction.org : Final Fantasy

Reviews for Defining Love

By : DB2020

From salmiakkikossu on April 15, 2009
I hate to be a bringer of negativity, but since I have been following this story for a year or possibly more now and seeing that it's going for something like three years now, I feel it's time to offer some critique that is a more than the usual "Awesome!!!!"

Forty-two chapters of this fiction leaves me with a question of where this is going, especially after this chapter, which didn't seem to advance the plot so much as it beat it into the ground that Seifer is an insufferable, overbearing, selfish child. I know that his character in the game gives such an impression, but come on! The man is 35 years old in your fic. It�s about time to grow him and evolve him a little. The only development we�ve seen is him trying a little bit to be considerate for the sake of Squall�s feelings in one instance, but then in the same chapter, we have him demanding to be the last name on Squall�s lips and basically trying to be the most important thing in the life of the man who has a child, thus pushing him aside. Never mind that this is not a healthy relationship for the two men involved, it is not a good situation for the boy either.

All of this is fine if you want to write another smut fiction lacking in plot and well rounded characters. However, you gave the impression in the beginning chapters that this was to be a story centered around more than just Squall and Seifer having a lust attraction. If all you�re going for is a story about Seifer's lusts for Squall and being an over bearing ass, great! You�re doing an excellent job. However, those of us who started reading this out of intrigue for how you would handle the mpreg part of this are right to be frustrated and disappointed with the way this story is going. I mentioned once how I felt Squall�s pregnancy is only mentioned here and there, but brushed aside for the most part. Now you�ve even gone and changed the description of the story so that it doesn�t mention the mpreg at all, thus making that part of the plot all but forgettable.

Finally, this chapter with Irvine and Seifer basically agreeing that a man who saved the world needs protection from being raped�well maybe I am just jaded on yaoi and I�m a bitter bitch, but I found that bit ridiculous and just another sign of Seifer being the same old selfish, controlling ass.

So where is this going? I know this is supposed to be an ADULT fan fiction, and the sex scenes are hot, but they�re reaching a point of redundancy and well, smut is a dime a dozen. This story had true potential and still does if you shape it up. As things stand now, I couldn�t get through this chapter in one reading and without face palming, sad because this story started off so well.

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From angelofinnocence on April 13, 2009
Excellent update as usual. I check everyday for your updates and I get so excited when there finally is one. I love this story soo much. Keep up the great work. I'll be watching for more updates. Happy Easter! Hope your holiday was a good one.

Xander
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From ANON - asialisek on April 13, 2009
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssssssss
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From ANON - asialisek on March 30, 2009
re-reading ch.41.. i don't want to say it felt rushed, but it did feel less passionate than the previous chapters where S & S interact.. the 'passion' between them is something that you've managed to articulate so well thus far, tension, anticipation, desire, etc. @____@ I hope all is well and that the boys are behaving~

I really look forward to your next update!
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From ANON - Juniperbreezie on February 07, 2009
I don't think it's drawn out at all. It's just perfect. I love this story. It's excellent.
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From ANON - leafzelindor on January 18, 2009
Hot shit...damn good chapter. You're doing fine with your pacing. We have to keep in mind, there's always been a connection there after all. It's just...growing....greatly.
I LOVED Laguna there. He is handling everything VERY well ^^
~Leaf~
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From Yusei on January 16, 2009
i'm really enjoying reading your story, and i don't think that its drawn out at all. although i'm knida querious is Squall ever gona become pregnat again? or was it just a one time thing
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From ANON - asialisek on January 14, 2009
ridiculously drawn out is O~~K~~~ay. ^_________^ And pacing yourself so that the boys have time to come to terms with what all is happening is a nice approach, instead of the "spontaneous revelation" angle. :3 I'm SO very happy you updated!! And, as always, looking forward ((with much anticipation)) to the next chapter.

I'm curious~ (not even considering the length of the story already) but the approaching mission to the Uncharted Island............ that could be an angle that could add some additional conflict, that of course, could result in some deep soul searching. Nothing like a few nasty surprises to stir things up a bit. ^_^

##HUGS##
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From ANON - YACUMO on January 14, 2009
"Please tell me what you think. I�m trying to ease into the love thing, even if the story is already getting ridiculously drawn out"

Not all my dear. In fact I consider this one of the most congruent and lined stories ever, and beleive me because I have had my ups and downs with it.
In fact I really find fascinating how well you describe and put together the characters, specially the growing fondness between such strong personalities as Seifer and Squall.
I am not a big fan for long stories or multichapter ones, but yours I have been following it since the begining and most of the chapters have been soo descriptive and well made that it is really interesting to read the latest one just to see what is it going to happen. When an author has the ability of surprising most of his readers is beacuse you are doing a fucking hell of a job my friend.
At the begining of your storie, I was not very happy with many things that were happening.... lol.... specially how sometimes the chpters were kind of damn short, but as I kept reading I realized tha in fact your way of writting is not only very interesting but also extremely entertaining; the descriptions that you use, your vocabulary, the way in which you can pass from one character to the other with such ease that is is really wonderful to understand where you story might be heading to.
And wow...this is like the longest review that I had ever made!!! LOL
Anyway I hope you also had a gorgeous christmas, thanks for your update and I really wich to read you soon.
Regards xoxo

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From ANON - daisy-chan on January 13, 2009
Drawn out is good! That's one of my fav things about this story, that it is not rushed. I knew Squall would be the first to wonder if it's love, and it looks like he'll realize the truth soon. Seifer on the other hand...he'll be helluva confused, I bet XD I don't think I reviewed your story before, I just wanted to say it's fantastic and that my favorite scene is when they are standing in the kitchen and Irvine walks in on them :) Oh, and I hope Seifer starts to show some signs of caring about Lore soon. It is so sad that he calls him 'boy' and sees him as an obstacle. Laguna rocks btw :D Thank you and I'll be anxiously awaiting next chappie!
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From ANON - nlb on January 12, 2009
Thank you very much for yet another delightful chapter. It's awesome how you manage to keep Seifer and Squall IC. It's been some time since the last update, but if this is the result, you won't hear me complain. ;-)
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From ANON - angelofinnocence on January 12, 2009
I will be eagerly awaiting the next chapter. Keep up the great work. I can't wait to see what else you have in store for us loyal fans. ^_^
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From maggiekebs on January 12, 2009
Another great chapter, love that Seifer is getting along better with Lore. Don't really mind the time between chapters cause it's always worth the wait. Thanks again for sharing.
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From ANON - bossy_foodshield on January 12, 2009
and now it starts! the slow revealing of feelings between our two adorable lovers!!! yes thank you for updating!!!!! gods i hope nothing horrible happens... but, you know, there's probably a little more angst in the future for them...
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From ANON - theozz on January 06, 2009
you promised, you promise....=( you were to update soon , it would have been the perfect christmas gift. very sad right now , I want more (pout)
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