FF7 Wonderland Story Or Reno Goes down the Rabbit

BY : SailorPoison
Category: Final Fantasy VII > General
Dragon prints: 628
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter 5 Good Advice from the Hojo Caterpillar.

Finally after many tries, Hojo Caterpillar looked at Reno silently for a few moments. At last Hojo Caterpillar pulled the end of the Hookah from his lips in a lazy manner and spoke.

Hojo Caterpillar, “Who are YOU?”

Reno got the feeling he was unwanted, “Last I looked I was Reno the Turk.”

Hojo Caterpillar, “And THAT hhanghanged?” Eyed Reno.

Reno, “I have been changing sizes to many damn times today, its getting too damn confusing for me. “ Sighed, “ Worse part I have no beer and no smokes to even calm my nerves.”

Hojo Caterpillar, “I Hardly see an issue here.”

Reno, “ You might be used to that kinds of fucked up things happening but I would prefer my normal sizes and to keep it there!”

Hojo Caterpillar, “Who are YOU?”

Reno scowled, “ I told you who I am. You should tell me who the FUCK you are.”

Hojo Caterpillar, “ Why?”

Reno wanted to kill the Caterpillar and decided to just walk away before he got bug guts all over his suit.

Hojo Caterpillar, “ WAIT! Come back. There is something I must tell you.”

Reno paused and returned as this sounded promising.

Hojo Caterpillar, “ Be patient.”

Reno just raised an eyebrow.

Hojo Caterpillar went quiet as if gathering his thoughts to say something else. Maybe the bug might have some advice upon getting out of this area or growing larger. Hojterpterpillar simple puffed different circles of smoke into the air. At last, he began to speak.

Hojo Caterpillar, “So you think you are going through changes?”

Reno, “All this shit is stressful. I’m not sure where I even stand in this world.”

Hojo Caterpillar, “ You should recite a poem. Maybe it might help your perspective.”

Reno inwardly groaned but at this point was willing to canter to the bug to get something useful. Thus, he recited an old poem he once heard.

`You are old, Father William,' the young man said,
`And your hair has become very white; And yet you
incessantly stand on your head-- Do you think, at
your age, it is right?' `In my youth,' Father William
replied to his son, `I feared it might injure the
brain; But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again.' `You are old,' said the
youth, `as I mentioned before, And have grown most
uncommonly fat; Yet you turned a back-somersault
in at the door-- Pray, what is the reason of that?'
`In my youth,' said the sage, as he shook his gray
locks, `I kept all my limbs very supple By the use
of this ointment--one shilling the box-- Allow me
to sell you a couple?' `You are old,' said the youth,
`and your jaws are too weak For anything tougher
than suet; Yet you finished the goose, with the bones
and the beak-- Pray how did you manage to do it?'
`In my youth,' said his father, `I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife; And the muscular
strength, which it gave to my jaw, Has lasted the
rest of my life.' `You are old,' said the youth,
`one would hardly suppose That your eye was as steady
as ever; Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose--
What made you so awfully clever?' `I have answered
three questions, and that is enough,' Said his father;
`don't give yourself airs! Do you think I can listen all day
to such stuff? Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!'

Hojo Caterpillar, “That hardly did either of us any damn good!”

Reno just blinked as that was first time he agreed with the Hojo Caterpillar on something.

Hojo Caterpillar, “What Size would you like to be?”

Reno, “ The size I woke up to this morning would be nice.”

Hojo Caterpillar, “Are you sure you don’t want to stay this size?”

Reno, “ Yes, I am quite sure. Three inches is too small for a penis, let alone my whole body.”

Hojo Caterpillar, angrily replied,”That is a fine size for me!” as he was exactly 3 inches long.

Reno, “ Whatever. How can I get taller?”

Hojo Caterpillar didn’t reply right off. Instead he puffed on his Hookah creating different shapes with his smoke. Gave a large yawns and shook himself twice before answering Reno’s question.

Hojo Caterpillar, “One side will make you grow taller and one side will make you grow smaller.”

Reno, “ What side of what?”

Hojo Caterpillar, “The mushroom.”

Reno looked at the large mushroom and then back up to see the Hojo Caterpillar was gone. Reno walked around the mushroom trying to get what the bug meant. The thing was a perfect circle. How could it have a side. Reno stretched his arms out and ripped huge chunks of the mushroom out.

Reno, “ One of these has to do the job.”

Upon taking a bite, he realized he was shrinking even further. Quickly he took a bite of the other chunk. Now he was growing faster then he could blink. Looked down to see a sea of green. Took him a moment to realized that was tops of trees. Reno started to weave his way through the trees with a pigeon with face that reminded him of the women in Midgar ShinRa headquarter’s shop was flying about his face.

Pigeon, “ Begone beast!”

Reno, “ You get lost!”

Pigeon, “No, you begone beast!” and it weeps, “ I try so hard! Yet the monsters never let my nest be!”

Reno, “ I haven’t a damn clue what you are bitching about, you flying rat!”

Pigeon, “ I try to nest in the roots. I try to nest in the banks. I ever tried the hedges! But the monsters keep coming.”

Reno was staring to understand what the bird meant.

Pigeons weeps, “ So hard to raise up a family without monsters coming alond rnd ruining my home.”

Reno for a moment can sympathize. He would be up in arms if someone trashed his apartment. “ It was my my intention to attack you or your home.”

Pigeon, “ Just when I found the highest tree to nest in, you come along and take my nest.”

Reno began to realize that there indeed sat upon his head a nest.

Pigeon, “ You are the foulest mer!”er!”

Reno, “ I am a man, you flying rat. Better then that, I am a Turk so you better not piss me off.” Losing all sympathy for this bird.

Pigeon, “ You are a foul monster come to eat my eggs.”

Reno settles nest on a branch as he was in no mood to argue with a bird and had hoped this might calm it down.

Pigeon, “I seen many men and their heads are towering over treetops! You are an egg eating monster.”

Reno, “ Alot of people eat eggs. That hardly makes them monsters!” part of him ponders this term of monster. had had been called that by fellow humans. But to hear it from this bird seemed to really upset him.

Pigeon, “ Then get going! I need not you attracting more monsters to eat my eggs!”

Reno was more then happy to leave the pigeon. Reno crotched down as he found a place to sit. The Pigeon, thankful, forgot about him and settled back on her eggs. Reno thinks back on how even the girl back home was much like that in temperament.

Reno, “ How the hell do I get just a tad smaller. I suppose I should just eat a sliver of this mushroom. It is too damn strong otherwise.”

Reno had to experiment with nibbles from both chunks before he arrived at the right size for him. Sometimes he grew, sometimes he shrunk. Upon getting the perfect height, Reno puts the pieces into different pockets least they get mixed up.

Reno, “ Now I can go to the next step and get the hell out of here, “ Then reconsiders that, “ Hmmm, I don’t have to get back right away. I can always stop in and see this King. I never seen a king before. Maybe find something to bring back to Rude.”

Reno walked down a path he found to a another rather nice house. Thankful the house seemed normal size. At least he didn’t have to fool around with the mushroom pieces anymore.


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